What doesn't Kill You Just Makes You Stronger

Summer semester will start tomorrow.

I'll be going to class like usual and labs will start the next week.

Some people get boring by these but as for me, these are what that keep me going.

Honestly, if I've got another 1 week free, I'm gonna have fever because of boredom.

As I'm typing this down, I'm thankful for what I have right now.

It's just that I'm a bit worried if I forget what path have I travelled to get here.

I worry that I'll forget how I fret over my clothes when most of them didn't fit me anymore now that I always have the money to buy one if any of my clothes doesn't fit me.

I hope I'll never forget how I put on a pant 1 and a half inch too short for me and a vest that hangs down my torso for nearly 1 year.

I don't want to forget how does it feel to be on the inferior side, how hard I push myself to keep going.

Never will I forget, that I was the one who put the scarves that I wear to school when I went for games too.

I borrowed sport shoes from friends since mine were plain too big or too small for me.

I've been laughed at when I took part in a running competition because I had a small shirt and a track suit that is too big for me.

On weekends, I would be staying in my dorm while others have picnic or the sorts with their parents.

I would sat on my bed, the speaker blaring, calling for students whose parents were visiting.

Sometimes, I got invited over to have picnic with my friends and their parents.

For that, I'm ever so thankful.

Did it saddened me?

Of course it did.

People whose parents were visiting will never know the feeling of the need to put up with ever so lousy Saturday dinner and Sunday lunch for 5 years straight in a row.

And the feeling of needing to put up with the dirty corridor dotted with overflowed bins, KFC boxes and McD wrappers lying around.

There was someone who liked me in high school and keept sending notes and stuffs.

I put up with that for 3 years.

All the teachers knew and almost half the students knew too.

Despite knowing that I never take anything from someone I don't like, my whole class who are supposed to be my friends took every packet of candies that being thrown via the back door every evening of our prep malam.

Which eventually led to that person being in charge of my class.

Imagine studying for PMR in a room with someone who U don't like.

I got preyed upon and my friends got candies!

Of how I managed to endure the 5 years, even I don't know.

Clearly it's a miracle.

Alhamdulillah, I went out sane and stronger.

Will I forget the journey that I had to take everytime I went home?

Journey back home would be ok though, since there were few girls going home by bus too.

And the number expanded as the months passed by.

In first year, I would go home sent by my friend's father.

I'll never forget the kindness.

It was not something that I wanted, going back home by bus.

It was scary and lonely.

A girl with a bag.

I used to cry most of the time.

U never know when the bus is coming and there'll be entah siapa2 sitting beside you in the bus.

Even I travelled the same roads for 5 years, it never shed the scary feeling.

Every journey was foreign to me.

Once I took a bus, praying that it goes to jetty because the usual bus that I take didn't come after 3 hours or so of waiting.

That is how I learn to follow my heart and be observant.

I've never took the ferry alone in my life and that was my first.

And I arrived to the security of home.

Going back home alone is nothing compared to going back to school.

It was the scariest of the two, with no one I know around me until I reached Summit.

The bag would be heavier and since it was always Sunday, the bus will be packed with immigrants.

In one event, the bus nearly crash onto the vehicle in front (that's how bad our public transportation is)

And once, the driver shouted police and almost 80% in the bus panicked and tried to run off.

Can U tell how I feel at that time?

And if U add another event when a man chasing another man with a knife on his hand passed just less than a meter in front of me, I'm amazed at how I'm still alive today. Wheww!

Everyone from my circle back in high school knows that I can't stand standing too long, be it hot or cool weather, but I preserved and never pass out when I waited for that tunggu masa nakroboh bas Rangkaian Setia to my school which comes, always every 1 and a half hour.

If people wonder how I don't give a fuss about carrying kilos and walk for miles, these people, are what that teaches me.

People can see me now and say, ah she's lucky, she's doing fine

People can say that I have everything that I want

People can be jealous and spread false stories about me

People can envy me for who I am now

Of course, as a girl, sometimes these get at me.

But upon reflecting, I know, I too like every other people carry my own burden.

It's just that I carried mine a bit earlier than others.