Tahun Bersedih. Smutny Rok.

I remembered saying(typing to be exact) that this school year gonna be a dull one.
My instinct proved to be right, it's not even a dull year, it's indeed a year with roller coaster of emotion.
With 1 month to go before the final commences, I must say, this year has not been good on me.
I'm not talking about academic here.
Everything they taught us in 2nd year is interesting that I can say the physiology book is as 1/2 enjoyable to read as Harry Potter.

I'm emotionally weary.
The school year started off with me flashing a casted hand and a life as an invalid for 1 month.
I didn't get the chance to draw blood, until recently, when we were testing urine.
Even before I break my precious wrist, I celebrated what was the most unceromonious Eid in my life.

My mom got laid off because the gajah-gajah were fighting, and since she was a pelanduk, according to the peribahasa, she died.
In reality, she suffered quite a huge emotional and financial damage.
It's not easy to put the bread on the table when u live in Penang.
With Allah's grace, she preserved thru the ordeal, and started over again.

As for me, when I went to visit Ili, reality kicked in.
I realised that I am lonely, thanks a lot to my principle that have me keeping to myself most of the time.
I miss Azie.
I miss studying during preps with 2 dozens others.
I miss bickering with Prem.
I miss all my friends from high school.
I've seen them from afar, and I realised, that is not enough.

Now, I'm missing all of them, and I'm missing the company from MSU days.
I just miss girlie talks with Liyana.
I miss having dinner with my housemates.
And I miss Farina, the one who kept me company the whole year.

And to add to the emotional turbulence, many people who I regard as my closies are in difficult times.
To Azzuan who's waiting beside Ziha, praying most of the time for her to open her eyes from 2 months long unconsciousness.
Braving every information from the doctor.

To Syikin who's diagnosed with tuberculosis, already at level 4.
She's small enough to me and she's losing weight.

Can't imagine how she looks like now at 36kg
This is my friend whom I know since primary school, who biked with me everyday to and from school.
In form 4 we were reunited into the same class.
We shared most of our childhood together and part of our teenage together too.

To my treasured Tok Ndak who's suffering from old age.
Who's living alone since last 12 years.
Last 12 years, I was trying to figure out who's going to die first, Tok Ndak or Tok Teh, after series of death of people who loved me.
Months after that, only Tok Ndak was left.
To hear that he has difficultied walking, it shatters my already bruised soul.

There are some more happening and my heart is taking it, blocking every kick from them every passing moment.
And the weather, it's grey outside.
I tell myself, it's the time again to grow up thru emotional ordeal.
The sun, it will shine again.