The Misunderstandings

It is sad that Muslims ourselves manipulate the religion until the extent that repel others from this sacred belief. and sometimes we human (reagrdless of beliefs) try to protect ourselves at the expense of others. What I believe is Islam is a blessing not a curse, to those who practise it and to those around the believers.

Someone said that if he is to choose between being a Muslim to being a gay, he would choose the latter and that Muslim is missing out on life.

I clutched at my heart upon reading that but I regained my composure, there must be many things leading to this person to be saying such thing.
I can choose to point to him and say " you don't have respect for others belief. and you are telling me to not discriminate"

and how being a Muslim means missing out in life?
according to the religion, this life is nothing but a temporary one. and if there is something not to be missed, that is to prepare for the eternal hereafter. of course I don't expect all people to know that. after all maybe we have cut short their understanding of this religion with our own actions even before he gets to know this.

and maybe some people think not being able to drink means missing out in life. i dont really know. for each people they have their own sets of things that if are not done means missing out on life.
For me, not being able to drink is not missing out on life. drinking and not being able to remember most of the things because of it.

But I know this statement carries more meaning. and I have to take many deep breath and started to find the reasons and try to correct what is wrong.


You are not the only one's who's hurting.
I have been there myself. One day I found out my friends have been doing things without telling me. and then I found out that my friends are distant for me. I was enraged and turned into dragon spitting fire. And the situation was going nowhere. instead it got worse. 3 years of it.

At the end of my 4th study years, I threw myself into seclusion for one whole month. I went to live in a place totally alien to me, I met new friends, learn new things, seeing the world from others perspective. For one whole month, I maintained minimal contact with friends that I left behind. And in that one month I dissected the years that passed, and what has happened that makes me so bitter. It is always easy to see others mistake. It took me an unforgettable trip up the Pilatus Mountain with strangers to see that I have my own mistakes too. It was not easy, but I work out my solution.

I came back and confide in some people what I expect. I have been living well on my own but I need people living with me at least to tell me if they are not going to be home for the weekend. I don't want to lose any friend. after all, I should not let their morsel of shortcomings overshadowed their boundless kindness. I know there will always be secrets kept from me and there will be things done without me (after all, I have always choose to do diferent things most of the time) but I also know it's up to me to let that hurt me or not. you get hurt only when you let yourself get hurt ~ that's the conclusion that I draw.

and I realise that I myself has not been that kind. I perceived them being unkind to me and I retorted back in the same way, or maybe worse. I can't change people but I can change myself. I do things that makes me happy, I selectively ignored things that makes me unhappy. when the goings gets tough, I tell myself, this will pass. I try to overlook others shortcoming in favour of their good traits. and I found out that I am no saint myself. how can I withheld forgiveness when I myself need it.

I got myself back. I got my friends back. I have find the happiness that I lost. I wont say that it is a bed of roses but I have become more accepting than I was before.



The statement hurts me nevertheless. I am after all, a human. It's not the first time. Before someone said Malaysians are boring. People like to believe that they are very open and accepting. But more often than not, they are wrong about it. we tend to see things that is conflicting from our point of view negatively. I know everyone hold their own opinion, but maybe we all should learn how to nicely voice that opinion out.
I hate the alcohol with all my beings. I dont like seeing my friends drinking things that are bad for them. But do I point it out in front of everyone? no. they, like me, know the goods and bads of drinkings (yeah, I acknowledge that alcohol has its pros but may I add that the cons outweigh the pros) and I dont have to repeat it. even if I want to remind them, I would have to do a lot of thinking so as not to offend them.

What I can do now is to carry on doing things I believe is right. I have always been living being stereotyped but as long as I know my limits and as long as there are kind souls reminding me here and there and as long as He is holding my hand, I will do fine.


p/s: I maintain that I write this article based on my understandings and as a human, I am not mistakeproof. would you have anything to say, you can comment below or send an email to me

Ancient Bestfriend

Each one of our friend share something special just between the 2 of us. This one is special in a way that we share a past beyond others around us. we have known each other since elementary

all these years we have meet, lost and found each other.  

I was due for a big exam yesterday and like all the exam I have had, I just can't study on the eve of the exam. My dormmates ignored me because I was reading novel the night leading to last paper for biology SPM. 

Yesterday  aint a novel with me leading to my exam, it's a well needed chat with one's longstanding bestfriend. hours of it and boy, we have changed from talking about which high school to go to after elementary to the do's and dont's during, ahem, pregnancy. yes, she is in her 17th weeks. so very happy for her. 

Earlier to the news, I told her that I've somehow feel half dead. I feel like my life is filled with neverending exams and I am worried that I have lost my soul for what that keeps me going before. She tought that I want to get married. Oh yes I really wish I can get married soon. alas!

In the yesteryears, I was okay with marrying outside my comfort zone, the further that guy comes from the better. But with years to ones age comes wisdom. What once seems like a door to many opportunities now looks like a road less travelled with so many denominating factors. My view shifted. At the end of the day, I derived that it is better to live with someone who knows what you knows. how do i put it? it is like someone who really knows what tora/ding dang/jojo means to you, someone who share the same sentiment of being Malaysian, someone who know all the 90's hype in Malaysia. someone like that. 

ancient bestfriend said, there are lots of opportunities here. I said, the Malay guys here are near extinction.

She said the will be rows of guys for me to choose once I am back home. I said, I planned to work in Borneo the first 2 years and Borneo itself doesnt have that many Malay also HOs said when working, it is a rare chance even to see the sun. then how la do i survey the market. I always choose the hard things for me. I also dont know why la I am like that. *sigh*

maybe my sample area for Malay guys here is quite limited. But I have the feeing that it is quite hard to fing a tall guy. Forgive me on this one. I have always been around friends smaller than me that I have always think that in particular situations I have to act my size and lend my hand. So for a husband, I want to feel protected, I want him to be taller than me. yes, it means so much to me.

On another note back in elementary, my teacher said to our class (which btw have a couples of couple. yes, 12, and already have "special ones". yours truly fortunately still is innocent) that as we grow, we will find someone 5 times better than the one we know currently. he is right, except that when you are nearing your middle 20's, you realised that such people are being taken out by someone else already. lol.

Anyway, Allah, I need one practising Muslim, intelligent, healthy,doing well, responsible and tall. I am not in a hurry. anytime before I hit 26 will be fine. and yes, he gotta reminds me of you of course. Thank you! You know I love you.