Saturday, December 31, 2011

Jagalah Allah, Allah Menjagamu

I was decluttering my racks when I found the booklet of the Forty Hadiths given by Kak Didi long time ago.
I went through all forty hadiths and had a really good feeling. Let me share one of the hadiths with you.
Take care of Allah, He Will Take Care of You

On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said : One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me:
"Young man, I shall teach you some words (of advice) : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried"

narrated by Termithi, who said it is true and fine hadith.

Photo from Niksyu.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Grace

It's nearing the end of December and today is such a bright day that I thought we are in spring.
I decided to be productive today. Whipped up bakeless chocolate cheesecake, went grocery shopping and urm, made sliced radish kimchi, which I suspect is not sliced radish kimchi.

I went to Harrachov at the beginning of Christmas break for heaps of snow and ski lesson.
Boy, was it mesmerising. I almost forgot that the snow is so sparkly and white.
Skiing is err, a mix of everything.
I mean it's great when you zoom down and still on both your skis.
And then there are times when I, the lanky one, had a hard time to adjust my pizza and ends up on my back, sometimes with both the skiis off.
Sledging is also a fun thing.

Anyway, I thought it's just not my luck to attend weddings and instead of attending weddings, I directly jumped to the next thing on the agenda ~visiting friends' newborn.
I went down to Olomouc to visit Ahmad Wafi Husaini, a tiny, sepet, nocturnal, adorable bundle of joy.
Man, newborns are sure small it puts me off from holding them.
But then, Dalila wrapped him up in a bundle and just then was I confident to hold him.
I think I am slowly getting to understand why people decide to have baby in the early stage of the marriage. It feels so good to hold a baby in your arms.

I feel so good, about everything, and about being a Muslim in particular.
I may not be accelerating in making a good progress as a Muslim but I am progressing at a slower pace.
I have been reading the forty hadiths and found each one of them really close to my heart.
I guess, its the element of wanting the best in the human me that recognise the familiarity.
Islam is definitely one thing that I am sure about and it is my greatest hope that I'll die a Muslim, just as I was born as one. Ameen.

Gambar ihsan mama Ahmad Wafi Husaini.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Stars

I went on trip to the observatory last evening. While my friend from high school is welcoming his firstborn in Olomouc.
So yesterday has been a good day.
Catched up with some friends on the way there by foot.
Watched the town from the top. Town looked pretty and at the same time lonely.

Gave some mixed maruku and cold hard (tuhy) bilis fritters which were hit among the Czechs.
And sat down in a small dark auditorium to listen to the Czech introduction about stars, tectonic plates, moons and planets.
Good thing there's 2 videos in english.

Went out on the roof to watch Jupiter, the king of all planet.
Really I thought it was just another star on the night sky, albeit more bright than the others.
It's winter and the wind was blowing the president said nah, this is cryotherapy.
I said, stay another 3 hours cryotherapy will become cryopreservation.
Got the joke?Good.
Do not?Go study the biology book.
Sky was rather cloudy, still I see more stars than I do back in Nerudova.
Looking at stars is just looking at the history.
Looking at stars can also be interpreted as looking at the place where the dreams are born.

Looked through the telescope and saw one of the Jupiter's moons.
Then went down into the hemisphere where the giant telescope is.
Dome is made of panelled wood and it's opened for obvious reason.
Flashes from camera made me feel like I'll get epilepsy anytime ~ medical school has turned me into hypochondriac.
This telescope is superb, I saw Jupiter in it's glory, milky brown with 2 brown stripes and also two of its moons.

Then went into the planetarium cinema, watching the artificial night sky, made to look just like the sky outside at that time.
Explanation in Czech, didn't get to know anything but one thing ~ my Czech command is not poor, it's rather, abysmal.
Seems like at different level of darkness, some stars shine brighter and some stars get dimmer.
Don't know how the ancient people can say this group of stars is a fish and that group of stars is a dragon.
People from the time before used stars as a reference for direction in their physical journey, especially those seamen.
Would it be nice if I let my future kid to learn about it? But then, is it reliable? I mean we know the stars that we see today is their shine from thousand or million years ago and the star that we are looking at may have not exist anymore. So it would be possible, that in some time, the star will dissappear from the night sky forever.

Nothing is immortal, except Allah.
But then, we can still see the shine of a bright star, for some given time, eventhough the existence of the star itself has become questionable.

They told us in 35 billion years (if I am not mistaken), our milky way will collide with andromeda, the closest galaxy and the two will fuse together and there will be no more spiral configuration of milky way.
But before that, we all will already die from bitter cold.
Come to think of it, the sun is already beyond prehistoric it will shut down before we reach 35 billions years start counting from now.
Don't worry, I am believing in the day after tomorrow.

It's told that usually two galaxy will casually brush each other and stay close to each other before the great gravities of both draw them to each other where they will fuse together.

And really I should be studying about drugs for diabetic right now.
p/s : one of the thing that I want to do is watching aurora borealis.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Amputation

This morning I went to listen to reconstructive surgery lectures.
In the afternoon, I went to watch a destructive surgery.

This morning we learnt of a case where an old lady is suffering from plethora of diseases, which according to our lecturer, will make a good pathological muzeum.
This is a dark joke to some but it is a reality.
If you don't get the joke, don't worry much.

Anyway, when Dr Asqar proposed for us to go into amputation surgery, I just know that I am not ready for it.
I have a rough idea what amputation means and I don't think going to watch one on a short notice is a good idea.
Still, we changed into our scrub and went into the OT.

It's above knee amputation for a 84 y.o. man suffering from Diabetes Mellitus type 2.
Basically, this surgery is done under epidural anesthesia (where you will not feel half down of your body) and some sedation. So, the patient was coughing even when they are scraping his thigh bone.
We were there when they prepare the patient and I couldn't escape from thinking about that man.
I mean, the very man who's lying in front of me, all four limbs attached is going to lose one leg. How must he be feeling right then.
It's very disturbing to me.
I handle other surgeries pretty well ~ I can watch surgeon drills, hammers, sews, punches or cut through skin.
But I know even before it starts, that sawing someone leg or transplanting faces is a bit too much for me.
Thanks Allah for those shoulders that I can embrace, watching the sawing and the bloodsquirts.

Enough with the emotional part.
I hope I won't be visiting any amputation again anytime soon.
The amputation went well. The patient was coughing sometimes that at some times, that causes the blood squirts. The mega blood squirt came last, when they cut through the collateral artery.
Surgeon will ligate the arteries by suturing both walls on the same artery to prevent the suture from slipping down the vessel.
The upper thigh is raised using a long white cloth placed from below the thigh while the surgeon saw through the femur (the thigh bone). They then smoothes the cut just like how you file your nail and stick a wax into the hollow opening on the cut bone.
The amputated leg itself is put into a black plastic and put on the corner. (Imagine having your limb in the same room but not attached on your body)
Draining tube is put under the fascia to drain all the fluid that will accumulate postoperatively and they will clean the wound using peroxide before sewing the two flabs together.
End result looks like an overfilled pillow.
Patient will be given morfin for sometime after the peration to help with the ubearable pain.
Even after recovery from operation, there will be phanthom pain. On what it is, kindly google it up.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Resuscitation

We went into the ward to see the patient that underwent sternal puncture.
Instead we stood in the ward - Dr, us, nurse - all looking outside the window.
Good thing is the patient was sleeping.

A patient on transfer slipped away and the transfer team had to resuscitate him or her in the middle of the stairs landing in the chilly November.
It's my first time watching CPR on real patient after almost 4 years in the medical school.
Maybe it's the fact that you rarely see such case given that even the nurses and doctor who realised what's going on stop on their track to watch.
The patient was put on the landing instead of the bed to provide firm base.
Two medical people took turns for chest compressions. It's known that chest compression is very tiring ~ according to new guidelines (2010), the rate should be AT LEAST 100 compressions/minute. Go figure!

Anyway, we got out of the ward to see the cardioversion machine on the 2nd floor. It took about 10 minutes before we were back to watching the CPR again (they were still resuscitating), now from the corridor.
I mean, we medical students were taught about CPR and this is where we will see the effectivity of it.
Before suddenly "The patient's dead"
As breezy as that.
I'm not talking about the remark made, rather I'm talking about the patient that die even after the notorious CPR was done.
15 minutes before, knowing there is a star at the end of the tunnel, the people went to perform CPR to revive the patient.
Still he left.

I said "What?How do you know that?The patient's dead"
My doctor said "I just know it. I have seen this before. They already stop resuscitating"
But then we saw the saline pack being hung back on the mobile bed.
Which means there's probability that they revived the patient.
Untill now, whether the patient was revived or dead, I never found out.
I just found out that I really need to go through the new guidelines of CPR and practise more on it.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

A reflection of Balqis maybe.
Intelligent, prosperous.
Just unfortunately looking up to the wrong direction.

Will there be that bird called Hud-hud.
Is there a reflection of Sulaiman extending an invitation.
An invintation to walk on the right path.


And the story will go on just like it had been before, not exactly but almost, almost exactly.
When the wit like that of Sulaiman's gets intelligent girl reflecting Balqis, see and choose the right path and humbly learn her lessons.

Is she Balqis or is she not
How about the Hud-hud or the blessed Sulaiman
Pondering. (and hoping that it won't cause epilepsy =p)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Traumatology Operation Room

Has learnt my lesson.
All this while, I've roamed aroun the hospital comfortably in my white coat, student ID and sport shoes. So just you know, the Czech students go around the hospital in white shirt, white pants and student ID wearing socks and sandals.
I think many non Czechs agree with me that socks and sandal aren't in but in Czech it's a normal sight.
So, since I didn't do as the Romans do in Rome, I got to wear socks and plastics. Thanks Allah we changed into our scrubs. Hehehe.

Anyway traumatology operation room is interesting.
The are usually drills, screw driver and racks of screws of different sizes on the scrub tables.
There is always C-arm (the x-ray machine) and lots of blood.
I like the fact that we get adequate access to the x-ray images and about what's going on thanks to the camera and large screen in the OR.
Surgeons are the serious lots and do a lot of standing while anesthesists are the fun ones, sitting and monitoring the patients from the above.

First patient was an old lady with multiple fractures after she fall down.
She has osteoporosis and she broke her arm, both thigh bones and the right shin.
Surgeons operated on both legs.
Osteosynthesis was put into the femur with respect to the osteoporosis.
Still doctor said with her weight and her fractures, she won't be able to get on her two feet and has to be on the wheelchair.

Second patient was a man after bike accident.
He broke his tibia on two places and had multifragmented fracture on his fibula.
Surgeons had to do reduction and put the fibula back precisely on its physiological position so that the foot can function physiologically (means to say the foot can can rotate and distribute the pressure evenly )
Since the was torn ligament, they have to fix the fibula temporarily.
It's because when the ligament heals, there will be micromovements which can interfere with the fibula which hasn't healed completely.
I like it that our surgeon is willing to explain many things eventhough I catch only 70% of those explanation.
Let's face it, I'm a general medicine student and most of the time I have no idea what should I ask.
They did 180 degree x ray imaging on the ankle and all of us evacuate the OR (which means there's only the patient on the operating table in the OR) and watched the imaging procedure went by.

I had good times and I hope I'll experienced much more and gained a lot from my upcoming summer practicals.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

TheWeekends


I had all four consecutive weekends occupied. First had friend visiting from France. They covered 4 cities (of 3 different countries) in a week and by the time they arrived to Prague, they are pretty drained out. So, here I am giving you free tip ~ don't make Prague your last stop. The cobble stone road/alley will kill your feet. Anyway, apart from going to the same tourist spots, this time I went to Mirror Labyrinth. One word ~ fun. And I am so sorry to inform you of an outdated news, that the National Museum is closed for renovation for a whopping 5 years. I haven't really consider of going to visit anyway but when I heard about the closing, I became curious as to whether I've really lost an opportunity to visit.

The next weekend was Eid-ul Adha. It's a blessings to have a family away from family. The thing I love about Eid-ul Adha is that we can takbeer for 3 days (or is it 4 days?). We had potluck at Raudhah for girls, ignoring the fact that we have Igames on the next weekend. Food as usual was generous ~ bihun sup, bihun goreng, ketupat and rendang, sambal goreng, various jelly and pudding, fruit tarts, cakes and much more. Oh yes, even keropok lekor.

The Igames weekend didn't start off good. It didn't for contingent from Hradec Kralove. Motivation was rather low, plus the fact that we are significantly outnumbered by the other 2 localities. Still, Prague has this abilities to make the event enjoyable. As usual I stayed over at Vorsilka and it was really happening having Kirin, Kak Pia, some people from HK and the host themselves under one roof that having a proper hours of sleep doesn't matter anymore. Anyway, since we are short on people, we played more than 2 games per person (on average) and at the same time, trying our best to also be the supporters.
This photo is taken from CzeMSA group on Facebook.

Second day achievements was satisfactory and second day itself was so much fun even having cramped leg twice didn't lower my competitive spirit. Sadly the juniors from Hradec Kralove had to return to Hradec Kralove since they have to study for the daily tests which every international students in LFHK is well versed about. So, we gathered forced on the last day and charged forward. We swept gold for almost all the fun games ~ scrabble for both boy and girl, galah panjang, bola beracun and we managed to score even points with Prague and is just behing Olomouc by 10 points. We were ecstatic. People may wonder how can we be so happy for not being the last. But I pondered, that really, sometimes, less means more and I am proud of us. I really am.


After Igames, I was eagerly counting days for the weekend to come. Basically, we were expected to have motivation camp sponsored by MARA in Hilton Hotel, Prague. I was sceptical at first. I mean, are you kidding me? Were National Service and BTN not enough?But then, the prospect of seeing other people and going together on the same bus excites me. Yes, u are reading the right thing.
Staying in a hotel doesn't excite me but going together on the same bus does. I was so used to go on trip together with a troop of friends back in high school that I really wanted to do the same at least once with university friends. Anyway, the program was mainly about eating buffet and sleeping and staring around. And I got to know some people from other localities and also I got to know that I don't even know some people who are in the same batch from other localities exist all this while. Second day was so good that I left with heavy heart and I was unsatistfied that the bus ride back was so quick it took us only one hour to reach the faculty building. I mean, I didn't get the usual 2 hours sleep.



So, I guess it's time to get real and I hope life will get exciting this year.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thoughts From Last Year in The Hospital

Being a medical student and having the opportunities to meet patients suffering from various illness, it toughens me up.
I used to sympathize them a lot, like I do to those old folks that I bump into on everyday basis.
Strangely, sympathizing has turn into admiring.
Of how tough these patients are.

We all know how does it feel to be ill.
I got a casted hand for a month and felt so much burdened by it.
Couldn't imagine how things are for those having nitroglycerin stand by for any chest pain or nebulizer in case the asthma decided to attack.

Gambar sekadar hiasan.

After a session with a crippled uncle, I couldn't help but thinking of how tough it is to lost a leg and to start anew with a prosthetic leg.
Yes, we human are blessed with the ability to adapt but adaptation with regards to lost of body part(s) is rather costly.
I don't know how did he come to term with having half hig leg amputated nor how he is coping now, seeing that there's possibility that he'll loose another half on another side.
But there he was, on that bed, not smiling yet not frowning.

And the previous woman who has half her body swollen and another half so skinny.
She managed to live like that eversince she was 2months old and she's a whooping 37 years old now.
When finding balance for toddler is quite tricky it must have been hard on her.
Come to think of it, any pair should come in two sizes ~ I mean stuffs like shoes, mittens, and even the long pants.
And how does she goes out into the crowd.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Emo

Hari ini nak buat entri emo.
Kalau anda teka sebab datang bulan, teet, tekaan salah. Wrong guess.

Hari ini gelap dan suram.
Hari ini juga tanda-tanda blank muncul. Iya, blank itu ialah emptiness yang tidak berdimensi.
Alangkah indah kalau setiap hari ada kelas dan masa petang dan malam yang penuh terisi dengan riadah dan ulangkaji wajib.
Sesungguhnya saya adalah seorang yang malas mengulangkaji sorang-sorang kalau tiada ujian mahupun peperiksaan.
Ini semua salah sistem sekolah berasrama penuh yang mewajibkan waktu prep 2 kali sehari.
Sekarang saya rindu nak mengulangkaji di dalam kelas yang dipenuhi Ili, Ain, Shafiqah, Afiqah, Syikin, Farah, Prem, Mat Jat, Nia, Midi, Ridzuan, Ronnie dan rakan-rakan lain. Tak kisahlah kalau mereka yang lain tak mengulangkaji malahan riuh mendendangkan lagu teletubbies atau lagu Marsha Milan Londoh atau giat mengusik sesama sendiri. Tak kisah, asalkan mereka ada di sisi saya, baru semangat sikit nak mengulangkaji.
Selalu saya tertanya-tanya apa khabar mereka. Kebanyakannya sibuk kecuali Prem sebab dia tengah menanam anggur kat rumah selepas habis peperiksaan terakhir tahun akhir dalam bidang yang sangat saya suka.

Saya juga emosi sebab di hari cuti yang gelap lagi suram ni bukan macam hari yang gelap lagi suram di Malaysia.
Kalau di sekolah, seisi dorm berkumpul untuk makan atau minum apa sahaja.
Makanan tidak semewah mana, tapi teman makan yang penting. Motto kami ialah selagi roti itu tidak berkulat, selagi tu boleh makan dan selagi air tu tak berkeladak selagi tu boleh minum. Tu motto zaman hingusan la.
Kalau zaman PLKN, seronoknya mashaallah, dengan rakan-rakan yang berbagai latar belakang, kami sentiasa berjaya melicinkan juadah yang ada. Tidak perlu pinggan cantik atau cawan yang katuh boleh pecah. Cukup dengan tray dan cawan plastik yang kalau tergolek turun bukit, kita masih boleh jumpa dan kutip bila sampai di kaki bukit, sebab akan ada lagi beratus orang yang makan sekali dengan kita.
Zaman MSU, walaupun pilihan makanan terhad dan mahal, rasa seronok bila boleh bersembang bercerita tantang hari yang baru berlalu, ataupun membuka cerita zaman persekolahan sambil makan.
Moga-moga masa akan datang sangat macam masa yang lalu.

Saya juga emosi sebab saya sensitif. Biarkan saya menaip di sini, untuk diri saya sendiri, dan mungkin untuk awak tahu, sekeras-keras saya yang awak nampak, saya masih punya emosi yang lain. Cuma cara kita menzahirkan berbeza.
Ada orang bila mahukan sesuatu dari kita, sangat bermanis mulut dengan senyum terhias.
Mungkin ramai tertanya-tanya. Hari ini saya akan jawab persoalan-persoalan.
Orang ingat saya main-main tentang sesuatu perkara tapi saya tahu, sekiranya saya tidak mampu memberikan komitmen, saya seupaya boleh mengelakkan sesuatu itu.
Hari ini saya buat macam-macam untuk kamu, tahun depan, khabar kamu pun saya dah tak ambil tahu. Saya tidak mahu jadi begitu, sekurang-kurangnya tidak secepat itu saya menjauh dari kamu.
Saya bukanlah orang yang mengikut arus sangat. Kalau kamu suka main patung kertas, hari ni saya lebih selesa baling guli, tapi mungkin tahun depan saya akan main dan sangat suka patung kertas. Ini ujian buat saya dan mungkin juga buat kamu.
Kamu tahu kalau saya tidak berminat dengan patung kertas, kamu bagi percuma berpuluh pun saya tidak akan suka. Sekarang. Tapi mungkin lagi 3 bulan saya teringin nak main patung kertas, jadi saya harap kamu jangan la nanti main patung kertas sembunyi dari saya.
Saya harap saya tidak akan lupa, yang Allah itu yang merubah hati manusia mengikut kehendak Dia~ sepantas kilat, selambat siput babi.

Ada satu benda yang buat emosi saya bagus. Saya tahu saya ini budak yang meredah lumpur, mengangkat batang pisang di tanah lembap untuk memenuhkan cacing dalam tin kacang panggang dan masuk hutan korek ubi kayu. Tapi tak salahkan kalau saya memandang kepada budak yang pakaiannya bersih, yang tahu main chess, dam, scrabble dan yang seangkatan dengannya. Sebab selasak-lasak saya, saya juga punya masa bila mana saya ingin mandi dan duduk baik-baik dalam rumah dengan budak yang berpakaian bersih tu.

Saya memang berbeza, tapi saya harap saya masih dapat duduk dengan orang yang berbeza dengan saya.
Oh, Allah dah hantar jemputan. Ok, saya nak pergi makan sup cndawan ramai-ramai di rumah atas.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Schizophrenic

I took the anamnesis and did the physical examination.
Patient is having chemotherapy with i.v.port inside the chest.
The reason why patient is admitted is to monitor his compliance to the chemotherapy regiment (in Layman's term, to monitor whether he abide to all the instructions on taking the drugs)
Typical for a schizophrenic patient, the last time doctor sent him home with drugs, he took the whole perscription in one go.



Friday, November 4, 2011

Pulling Out Your Organ

Neurosurgery had been so so but when we swapped to a general surgeon, it has been fun with the surgery.
The only downside of general surgery is the filter. It was cramped and dark and I was concerned about my coat and clothes of the day get in smelling like a softlan and get out smelling like the armpit of someone who hasn't bath for a week. And the scrub is rather revealing : knickers, chest and armpit. Not sexy!
Anyway we were supposed to be in Dr Asqar operation room but the TV crews have been responsible for us to be in the next few situations.
First, we were waiting to get in the operation theathre after the patient has been prepared for surgery. But then the ECG came out not normal, which means the operation has to be cancelled and since it will take some time for another patient to be wheeled in and prepared for cholecystectomy (removal of gallbladder), we went into another OR to watch a vascular surgery.
I like it.
First and foremost, I get to see the operation.
Bad luck if you got surgeon with big stature coz u'll always end up seeing his back 90% of the time if you are lucky or seeing nothing except the instruments if you are unlucky.
Anyway, this operation is about dealing with the varicose veins.
The valve in the great saphenous vein has been insufficient.
The plan is to get rid of the varicose and the great saphenous vein.
Varicose vein, if untreated can cause compression to small arteries supplying the leg and will bring about varicose ulcer, pigmentation and ugly/uglier leg.
Basically, u can clearly see the varicose vein the patient is standing but when patient is lying on the back, u can't see it (it's all about the gravity that cause the blood to fill in the vein and making it looking like coils of snakes on your leg).
So, to make sure u can keep track of the varicose vein when the patient is on the table, u shall draw some lines corresponding to the vein position when the patient is standing prior to surgery.
To remove the varicose veins, surgeon will make an incision, put the designated instrument into the now accessible varicose vein, and screw it out.
As for the great saphenous vein, it's a superficial vein of the leg.And as known, the leg i supplied by deep venous system and superficial venous system.
This makes removing the great saphenous vein is possible without costing you your leg.
That's why for bypass surgery, we use this vein. And when we have a patient suffering from varicose vein due to insufficiency of valve of great saphenous vein, we can totally remove this great saphenous vein.
Surgeon will make an incision on inguinal region (it's the groin), clamp the vein, cut them, and tie both ends. Anothe incision is made in the calf slightly below the knee. They gonna pull the vein down through this incision in the calf. After both incisions are done, the surgeon put a wire into the great saphenous vein. The wire looks like this. The lumpy end is situated at the inguinal end and the small one is on the other end, and then zap, they pull it out.
When you pull out this great vein, it will take time for your leg circulation to adjust itself. I mean most of the blood has been travelling out of the leg through this great saphenous vein and now, it's gone. It's either you just suture back the incision you made, which mean you don't even bother to tell the blood that this way is closed already. And since blood doesn't think for itself, it'll just accumulate in the tissue causing hematoma. So as someone who can think for ourselves and for other beings, we must bandaged the whole leg to prevent blood pooling.
Done with the vascular surgery, we once again hung over the corridor, watching another surgery behind the see through door. And we saw the freaking gallbladder and were all excited over it (medical students are hyperexcited to see your organ and we really look forward to anything to do with poking the insides of living human bodies ). The gallbladder looks just like a ballon filled with 30ml of water and the colour composition is just like the inside of your cheek.
I have so many things to write down and let's hope that I remember every detail of the procedure that I had the opportunity to look. And unfortunately I decided to ditch my camera and rely solely on my brain to remember the crucial moments I have seen in the hospital.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Doctor Hurts You

but it's all for your own good.
Did I tell you that for the few first surgery practical, I'm under a neurosurgeon?If I didn't now I do.
Anyway, we went around the operating rooms in our scrub and then went for central catherization procedure.
A young man had a motorcycle accident which destroy his brachial plexus and a certain part of spinal cord, so he has paraplegia (paralysis of downhalf of the body) and loss of function of the whole right arm.
Central catherisation is done so that they can put some nutrition and drugs for his treatment.
Basically we prick a ~7cm long needle in between your clavicle and neck muscle, very carefully avoiding from puncturing the lung, straight into your subclavian vein, basically a major blood vessel.
Then we take our the syringe, but not the hollow needle before we guide a flexible wire into the vein.
Then we take out the needle, leaving the wire half dunk inside your vein and half length is on midair.
We then punch a larger hole on the same site so that we can insert the cathether into the vein. So now you get the wire inside the cathether inside the vein. You with me?
So then we take out the wire and left the cathether fastened over there.
In conclusion, it's a painful procedure, of which can bring about protruding eyeball (sign of pain) from an otherwise macho man (as an example of preserverance)
But this particular man, with his left hand, took out the cathether.
I don't know why he did that, but bottom line is he pulled that thing out.
But hurting patient isn't the verb for doctor's action. It's always healing, not hurting. Procedures hurt you. Doctor doing the proedures doesn't.
You take whatever plactic/wire the doctor put inside you. Conscious or not. The doctor will put that back in. For you.
How irony.
And that patient's hand is fastened and when the doctor put a new cathether in, he made sure it will stay put.
On how he did that?
He sew the cathether to the skin.
And then before he let us students go, he said,
next week, only underwear under your scrub
O_o

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Simpul

Urusan yang penting (the main concern) ialah bagaimana kita melalui perjalanan itu, bukan siapa yang mula dahulu.

Gambar ihsan Zue.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Pamukkale

Which means cotton castle in English is a rather small town doable by feet.
It's just a short drive from Karahayit, a place famous with the cotton textile, although I didn't see any sign of it when I was there.

Anyway, we arrived at about half past eight in the morning at Hotel Pamukkale.
The downside about overnight bus ride is that you usually arrived tired and all, so we spent a good time basking in the air conditioned room before we comb the small town.

Hotel Pamukkale and we got lucky too, with the room, which is directly in front of the pool.

We opted for tour, which really, is unnecessary.
The travertines and Roman ruins only require dollops of sunblock, your background reading of the place and almos a day.
But we got lucky with our fellow travellers that were in the tour.

Since others were still not ready, we went to the red spring with an American family, which turned out injected the gregarious air the whole length of the tour.
Red springs is just so-so.
People goes there to dip in the mineral rich water, slather their body with the mud or just for plain sightseeing.


It's a small place with small springs so I was being pessimistic.


From my scan of the water, there seemed to be countless tiny nematode like thingy in the water.
It can be plain flora, but it can also be fauna.
Susan said maybe it's a good idea to stay out of it, and took out her feet from the water.hehehee.

Now that all were ready, we found ourselves at the entrance to Hierapolis, the ruins of the Roman city.
Now let me brief you about we.
Emre is our tour guide.
Susan, an ex bilogy teacher
Susan's mommy, which I think is in her 70's
Susan's husband, who's suffering from early phase of Parkinson's.
Then a couple from Denizli who has never been to Pamukkale before!
A couple from Denmark, the husband is a journalist.
Toddler Leyla, her mom and her grandma, Turkish in origin but are staying in OZ.
Leyla didn't cry even a bit and everybody was impressed that she can stay, crankyless in her stroller under the real scorching sun.

Note, if you are visiting Hierapolis and the travertines in summer, you better pack your sunblock and bottles of water.
Hierapolis was so beautiful and I think it's good that we went with the tour since we hav no interest to do some background reading.
Susan, who has been to Ephesus before coming to Pamukkale did the most of the questioning. And I'm going to say it again, that we were really lucky to be in this tour.
Susan's mom had a completely different view ~ "She (Susan) will never stop talking"
And since Hierapolis is rather big, and the pace is quite slow, she filled me in with the story of her family and her wrinkle free years.
It's rather good to know about others adventure and view of the world. By others, I mean, people whom you meet on the road, which you stumble across them only once.

S0 let's see what we have in Hierapolis

Emre and the drawing+map depicting Hierapolis in its prime


Necropolis ~ city of the dead. In front of the tomb made or upper rank family

Tomb for gladiators. The vase is like a medal, given to the winner, which is used to store olive oil, which was a prized commodity in their time. The gladiator's trident. and their shield embossed with flower.

- to be continued-

Tudung

Kelmarin ke pasar Pulau Tikus. Tujuan membeli bunga kekwa dan mata kucing.
Nampak tudung. Material dia net. Besar. Muat nak tutup makanan.
Tudung saji dibeli dengan harga RM6 tanpa tawar menawar.
Abah kata wajib tawar menawar baru boleh selamatkan RM2. Abah kata lepas beg plastik berisi tudung saji tu dah ada kat tangan.
Takpalah, it's never too late to learn.

Sebenarnya bukan nak cakap pasal tudung saji.
Tapi nak cakap pasal tudung yang orang perempuan pakai kat kepala.
Zaman sekolah kurang berkemampuan.
Pakai tudung yang sama untuk kelas dan riadah.
Juga kurang pengetahuan.
Pakai tudung bawal yang see through.

Zaman pre-uni, pakai tudung mak cik bagi.
Besar, dan kain yang sopan~tak nampak batang leher lagi dah.
Zaman universiti pun masih pakai tudung yang sama. Selesa.
Kadang-kadang pakai pashmina.
Tengok orang pakai selendang, oh rasa nak pakai.
Tapi sebab sedar diri dan sudah ukur tudung di badan sendiri, shawl yang selalu diulang pakai hanyalah 2 shawl percuma dan 2 shawl bukan percuma.


Tahun ni pulang lagi bercuti di Malaysia.
Sebab Pulau Pinang boleh dikatakan ada segalanya, harapan di hati agar dapat cari tudung krim yang besar macam tudung bawal biasa tapi tak la senipis kulit bwang macam tudung bawal biasa.
Tiada. Zilch. Nada. None.
Semua jenis tudung ada.
Bawal tambak, bawal hitam, bawal putih. Siap ada bunga dengan manik terlekat sana sini.
Ada jugak manik bersinar bak cahaya dari baju Ramlah Ram masa anugerah juara lagu 1988.
Selain tu ada pelbagai tudung yang menepati semua kriteria kecuali kriteria tudung krim kosong tidak bercorak.
Paling banyak tudung yang pakai kena ikat sanggul tinggi-tinggi, tak pun tudung yang orang pinkan di belakang tengkuk untuk dapatkan efek kawan-kawan Maria dalam The Sound of Music.
Dalam semua tudung-tudung yang ada, awat la tudung yang paling simple tak dak.
Macam mana nak zuhud ni?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Boat Ride

I've rode in sampan on a number of occassions when we decided to spend the day at Monkey beach.
I've written down in my character building booklet that going out to the sea with my late Tok Ndak is one of my life ambitions (unfortunately, I'll never fulfill this ambition)

When mak and abah announced that we are heading to Pulau Tuba to visit PC Amir who's recuperating from quite a bad traffic accident, I anticipated the boat ride.
The next time I know it, I was squeezed in the boat with the whole family among the locals and, a motorcycle.
Yes, a motorcycle.
If the Czech can ride this with a perambulator, Malaysian can ride a sampan-like boat with a motorcycle.
Why not? =p

I've always love nature, which explains why I rarely choose city as a travel destination.
So, there I was, quite happy to sweat in the boat among the locals, especially his time the travel companions are my family themselves.
I was taking in the green water, craning my neck the whole time to look at the scenery and *don't tell my mak* enjoying the splashes.
I was filled with emotion.
I guess for someone like me, no matter how far I go, it's always rejuvenating to be reunited with the element that I really love, the sea, the coastal sea.
I was pondering over that thought when the engine died. In the middle of the sea, near the rocks which have their heads covered in trees I have no idea what their names are.
We ran out of fuel.
And if we really do, we might as well throw the fishing line into the water while we wait for another boat to pass by.
I gained a knowledge, that fishes are aplenty near rocks.

Sorry, my long awaited jackfruit has finally arrived. I have to go.
And the engine, it roared again after they filled it with fuel *of course they will always have some as spare on the boat*

Monday, August 29, 2011

Of Ramadhan.

Selamat Hari Raya, Eid Mubarak to all muslims.
Syawal already dawned on us and Ramadhan has just left, which makes it the farthest thing from us. (orang kata benda paling jauh dengan kita ialah masa lalu)
I haven't really planned my Ramadhan.
I just knew that I may learn more about the holy book al-Quran but it still remain to be done.
However, I've found something, that I deemed valauable doing this Ramadhan.
You see, I don't live at my parents' ever since I went to high school (it has been a galloping 10 years)
Strange enough, I don't feel the need or longing to help around the house, not until last year.
Maybe it's because at my parents', housechores of 1 month is concentrated into 1 week, all the time.
But this Ramadhan I realized it, to be able to help oneself parents with the housekeeping is a way to collect your points that we fondly call pahala.
I'm not lucky enough to help all year round, so why not grab it when I'm home especially it's Ramadhan. (well, it's more to an excuse that I invented for my parens when they ask me to help around)


Well, here are excerpts from suratul Luqman

13. And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.


Friday, August 26, 2011

Of Expectation

I hate to live under expectation.
I have enough on my plate with the deen.
I don't need anymore expectation from people.
Expectation hurts me, especially when I don't welcome it.
Stop making life miserable from me.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Travelogue Turkey 2011 : Overnight Buses

We are students and student's budget ain't generous, so instead of hopping on planes to get to places in Turkey, we opted for buses. Particularly overnight buses.
Cut down on transport expenses.
Saved us from paying a night in the hotel too.
But rob us of a comfy morning ~ you wake up to no morning shower which is horrible because it's summer, not even a changing room but thanks to public toilet, at least you get to brush your teeth.
Still Turkish long distance buses rock and you'll find why in the next sentences.

We went on 3 buses.
Istanbul-Kayseri (Cappadocia)
Goreme (Cappadocia) - Denizli (Pamukkale)
Denizli (Pamukkale) - Istanbul
Each took averagely 10 hours.
My advice is, whatever you saw on the internet, book the ticket in advance.
I believed that ticket is always available, so we went with our bags quite sure to get 2 tickets to Cappadocia and to jump straight on the bus.
Surprise!
Metro bus sold out and the bus companies offices stretch from one end to the other end, spanning roughly a quarter kilometre (or that's how I felt it)
And to make matters even worst, only a number of companies have buses to Cappadocia.
With the help of some locals and what I thought an unreliable 'ulat tiket' (turned out he was not bad like his counterpart in Malaysia), we managed to get 2 tickets to Kayseri.
It was obvious that the company rarely host foreigner on their bus when we were the only non Turkish on the bus and people kept stealing glances.
So, moral of the story, book your ticket beforehand (no, not because people glance at you but because you might have to spend somemore on an unexpected at the hotel and even worse, on crushed hope )

A peep of Istanbul Otogar (European side)

Like our fellow newfound brother told me, Turkish long distance bus is the best.
"He is wearing a bowtie" he pointed out to our 'steward'. He was very excited at that.
On all three buses, there are in bus entertainment (even some flights lack IFE) and some refreshment served by the steward.
On Pamukkale bus en route to Istanbul, we even got cup ice cream in addition to the packed cakes and drink of your choice (tea, coffee, su aka mineral water, cola).
Drinks are served as frequently as every 2 hours, which may be inconvenient to light sleeper.
Me? Iam not a light sleeper and I quite miss my dose of Podebradka, so no complaint there as long as I can get some coke every now and then.
The downside is the crews speak limited english or no english at all.
But no worries, it's unlikely that you will miss your destination.
First, the driver ain't a reckless one.
They stopped at some RnR about thrice.
And traveller's destination is always at some big otogar (bus station) and they usually tell you when u r there.

So, here's my take on each bus that I went on.

Istanbul - Kayseri with Zaman Bus Company.
We were the only foreigner in this bus.
The toddler in front of us refuse to sit which is understandable since she maybe has only recently discovered the wonder of being able to walk on her two feet.
Her mother had to follow her up and down the bus aisle.
Like the other next 2 buses, this one comes with safey belt, except finding it is a tricky business and once I yanked it out, I'm sure that I'm the first one to use it since it's full of cobweb or whatever the name it is.



Goreme - Denizli. Suha bus company.
The worst of all three despite the recommendation from the internet.
We booked our ticket thru our hotel and we got to sit at the back of the bus, sandwiched between Turkish men.
Unkown man-my travelling companion-me-Turkish soldier off duty-his brother.
I dare not sleep.
At the back means directly above the engine and the crew didn't understand me despite my countless attempts to get him to lower down the temperature.
We got back a this crew by laughing at his video looking like Voldemort flying back and forth, serving passengers from Qibah's IBE
I sat at the center ~ no IBE but with the whole length of the aisle for me to stretch out my long legs.
Despite the seating arrangement and the temperature, I was better off than the man next to me.
The person in front of him fully reclined his seat the entire journey that I, a proud Penangite (full explanation), for a moment consider to brief the Turkish man about consumer's right.
But since Turkish-man-next-to-me is an army, I thought he can endure it well.
And the man in front of him, his youngest son is so adorable that I had to surpress the urge to take his picture.
Oh yes, after the light was out, I heard some sound followed by nice smell.
It was not a paranormal phenomenon. As it turned out, each time after the cups are taken away and the light is off, the Voldemort-like crew would spray the whole length of aisle with liquid freshener ~ maybe this is what that put the company as top 3 in traveller's forum.

In summer, you are likely to wake up on a bus to this scenery

Denizli - Istanbul. Pamukkale Bus Company.
The best of all 3.
First because we got ice cream and then the seat is really comfy and not forgetting IBE comes with touch screen (albeit rather unresponsive or response wrongly to the touch).
They also serve with the help of a collapsible trolley and they sanitize it everytime they use it and want to stow it away.

Long distance bus travel may be a lil bit tiring for some people but it's a good way to bond with Turkish and fellow travellers alike.
The bus is extremely reliable (I'm saying this as someone who have been on long distance buses in Malaysia and Central Europe).
The average price for an average of 10 hours journey is 55 Turkish Lira per person as of summer 2011.
Going on Turkish's long distance buses?
Book beforehand and enjoy your journey. =)



Saturday, August 6, 2011

Travelogue Turkey 2011 : This and That

One of the many things about summer travel that I like is the possibilities of meeting loads of other travellers, mostly those who live off their backpacks ~ read: recycled clothes, unshaved, and battered looking.
Given that u are travelling off the beaten path, you are most likely to share part of your trip with fellow travellers, which is, really entertaining.
Nobody asked me, or Qibah where we come from when we were in Istanbul ~ well, apart from the shopkeepers or waiters that made us want to hang a card saying "I'm from Malaysia"
Talking about the popular question "where are you from", I always answer alternately between Malaysia and Czech.
First, it is fun doing it.
Second, the conversation will somehow require me to explain once again that I hail from Malaysia and am a student, in Czech Republic.

A fellow traveller who travelled on the same nightbus to Pamukkale asked me a question never been asked to me before ~ do you study art?~ when he heard that I'm studying in Czech.
I almost topple backwards upon being asked the question.
Why?
Because I have no idea that I look like an art student(never, even in the just waken up state) and Cikgu Faezah of SOKSEK would have inquire herself if I really did perform in her art class for someone to ask such a question to me.

And there were also those retired gramps who was travelling on suitcases, which are not backpacks, obviously. I feel that they deserve a post on their own. Funny folks, they were. Made up for all those stressful, laughterless days of exam revision month I had just in a short 7 hour tour.

Being a hijabi prancing around places like Cappadocia, going up and down the hill, barked by 4 large, hairy, dark dogs (although, thankfully, were fastened), went on night buses might attract a considerable headturns but most of it, or all of it, turned out good. Believe me, most of the time, curiosity wins over hesitancy (provided that u don't wear that stay-clear-of-me expression)

And yes, for a hot, sticky and stuffy Istanbul (definitely not my fav place), I learned a bit of this and that, and had some good points to ponder too.
The Sultanahmet area is patronized by tourists coming from all crooks and nooks of planet earth, and also, streetsellers, coming from Turkey itself.
They sell sweating bottles of mineral water, some sort of sticky sweets, books, toys, fan, umbrella-cap and sweating bottles of mineral water.
You can't help but to want to avoid them and at the same time feeling pitiful for them.
I mean, these people are working in this sticky, hot, stuffy Sultanahmet under the scorching sun, going from person to person, trying to sell their goods, which mostly were met by 10 NO in a row (or perharps more than that), and headturns~the opposite way.
I expressed my concern to Leyla, the Just Ask Me that has maintained contact with us.
Her words washed off my feeling of guilty straightaway ~ that they may look pitiful and they can be really trying to earn some money but it's just not right that they are selling stuff at skyrocket price compared to the original price.

If anybody ask me whether I would return, the answer would be definitely yes.
I haven't had enough of Cappadocia and I am yet to check out Saffranbolu and Ephesus, and as for Istanbul, I would gladly skip that.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Neocolonization

Is it Muslims/Asians/Africans living in Western?
or
Is it Western countries mobilizing their armies and throw the native government (albeit corrupt) in Middle East (and put in Libya too)?

Anyone care to explain?

P/S : I grew up in a multicultural surrounding and is still living in one. Of course there are some glitches here and there but you see that even in unicultural environment. I love my sambal belacan, dhalcha and chicken feet. Throw in some pasta and a good bowl of cream of chicken soup too.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Travelogue Turkey 2011 : Introduction

All the rush from having to sit for final on a short notice, passing it and having 24 hours to pack and resume the plan for Turkey had taken away the excitement of going on my first summer vacation in Europe.
We flied with Turkish Airlines, so u get a meal on a short 3 hours flight.
Best part is you get a packet of hazelnut instead of the typical crackers or peanut and I love hazelnut.
On the downside, the ride was pretty bumpy and for the first time, I experienced first hand what do people mean by saying airline food suck.

With Leyla, a Just Ask Me off duty.

Anyway, getting to Sultanahmet was a breeze.
We got the jeton (token) and hop on the metro to Zeytinburnu from which we switched to the tram (Prague wins in term of tram) to our destination, Sultanahmet, the most touristy place I've ever been to.
Since we were only armed with a big empty luggage and 2 backpacks and no map to the hostel, we had difficult time to locate the hotel.
Anyway, it's a good thing that Turkey tourism placed youngsters wearing blue shirt shouting Just Ask Me in the area.
We got 3 of those to take us to our hotel.


We checked into a small but cosy room in Kaftan Hotel.
We combed the area for place to have dinner and we decided on Hayat Cafe, tucked in a small corner.
They served the best lentil soup among all the eateries I went to in Turkey.
However I don't recommend their stuffed pepper though.
Since Blue Masjid and Ayasofya by foot is the same duration as cooking a pack of Maggie, we spend the evening in the park located in between those 2 historic buildings.
As of any other popular tourist spot, there were some people trying to sell you some things.


Istanbul for me is too hot and stuffy in summer but minus the crowd, I wish I had spend more time in Cappadocia and as of Pamukkale 2 days seems o be more than enough.
Still, the fact that it's a Muslim country, albeit secular, gives me the sense of familiarity.
It has been quite sometime since I heard the azan.
I also like it that there are generous number of hijabis going around and mostly I like it when I went to visit the masjid.
The food?In all honesty, not so much.


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011

Halfway Through

Tomorrow I'm gonna register for my 4th year study.
I'm trying to grasp the reality of it.
Yes, I did my last exam today after someone dropped his/her date.
It was a dilemma, I was on my way back after a day out in the Adrspach rock town when a friend called and said that there's free term on 11/07.

Marvelling at the mayor and his wife. Photo courtesy of Nik

My reflex is to confirm the date, but after a train ride, I wavered. I have only a day to resume revision.
But I went.
I picked my questions, not so happy with them and I keep what I had from usrah last week close to my heart.
Today, my tawakkal is not on the questions, neither it's on the examiner.
It's on Him.
I prepared my answers, went in, interrogated, made some glitches (I forgot some simple terms like firm ~ replaced it with not stable. and I said there's problem with bile plumbing in my alcoholic liver disease since the appropriate word went hiding somewhere in the hippocampus) but alhamdulillah, I managed to pull it all together.

Lucky for me, I am not that stressed out this exam period like last year.
Focusing in lectures and revising after class really helps a lot.
But this semester has been a memorable one.
It gave me a peek into a doctor's reality ~ that a problem can appear anytime and you must act on the spot. Of course what you know is never enough, but when U put your trust in Allah and keeps your hope flaming, you'll find that there really is a star at the end of the tunnel.

My gratitude to those who support me, and prayed for me.
The blessingare bountiful.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Ramadhan

Oh my, Ramadhan is nearing by. How great is that!
So, have you planned your Ramadhan?
Say like setting some goals like which surah would you memorize and study, which part of this deen that you would like to know more, and girls (and boys too, why not?), if you are at the convenience of it, what dish are you gonna whip up for iftar and sahur?

I just got to know that the one who prepare food for those who would break their iftar, he/she will get credit by Allah, as much as the people who observe fasting get. (verification required)
So, go get a piece of paper and write down your goal(s) for Ramadhan.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Jodoh

When I was in my first year, I was the first among the girls to finish my Histology exam, after which I crammed for Anatomy.
I had a big problem with locomotor system in anatomy.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
So when I was about 80% done with the revision, minus the locomotor, I thought I wouldn't make it to my original date and I am no lucky with second chance for exam date provided that I postpone my exam (Allah is always making sure I don't procrastinate, which is a good thing)
The agony of finishing the year in September due to such unfortunate event when you already at the finishing line, my bone still remember it.

And here I am, in my third year, facing the dilemma once again.
I feel suspended to the point of vomiting.
Reality bites and man it chews too!
Since I am powerless, I'm gonna do the thing that I am capable of doing.
The resentment, bitterment and vengeance will stay with me, more powerful than before.
This is a test and I am not gonna fail it.

Since anything that bears anatomy in their name want to stick with me for such a long time.
I may as well embrace it and give it a squeeze.
But does this also mean that I would eventually ends up being a surgeon?
Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ne!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ande!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my short 21 years and half life, I have some circumstances where I don't get what I want.
Case 1. There was supposed to be a fling in my high school year, but some 'thoughtful' peeps blocked that. Not that I care that we never happened but the fact that some people have problem with a then harmless me made me alarmed. Oh well. I picked up the hints in the later years but never made any effort, I just enjoy the attention (sorry, sometime I couldn't help being vain). Girls being girls, my closest friends know about it and they made the effort for communication and I played on the sideline (forgive us, we were just being high school girls)never expecting anything but when my closest friend broke the news that they are now boyfriend and girlfriend, I was taken aback, not because I like that person (you know that don't you, that you notice some sort of person and is interested in them but you don't really like them that you want to have anything going on with them).

It's just that IMO, a close friend who knows that her friend has interest in a boy shouldn't go for the boy ~ it's unspoken rule of being friends isn't it?even though I was not serious but still that kicked on my trust. 6 years passed by and here I am, very, very glad that the above situations occur. The boy it turns out, is not really the sort of person I want to have anything going on with, not in my current page, not even anywhere in the previous page. It's hard for me to heed advice from people that I don' respect, and in case where hearts matter, it's impossible. I may not really need respect but I really need to respect to play my part well. It takes me years to realise that some people or some things are not supposed to be mine, no matter how strong I feel that I am entitled to have them, because sometime later, you'll have no regret over the loss, because it's not a loss to begin with.

What shall I say other than thanks to the people involved (note : sometime being nasty to some people means doing goods to them). And sorry, I have some problem about disclosing case 2.
Now, I just have to be optimistic and yes, I shall pay the revenge really well, revenge, regarding pathoanatomy.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I AM MAD

I have been pretty composed all this while, well, at least I think I did.
Not now anymore.
I am simply mad and feel wronged.

Our examination system is a headache.
Basically it's done orally.
You can book the dates that's AVAILABLE.
Usually there will be optimally 10 seats for one date.
In my batch, we have about 60 +/- international students and 100+/- Czech students.
And we have about 3 exams, each averaging 150 known questions (which means the whole 2 inch medical book ~ well, almost)

Here's how it works.
A date and time is set up for booking and we compete virtually for our preferred dates.
If you got lucky, you get your dates.
Some people even get kicked out of the system because the sudden clicking from hundreds competitors.
During the exam, you pick randomly questions from the box.
Usually you got 3 questions and then you prepare your answers before you go and talk in front of the examiner.
Some people get interrogated some people just mouthing everything he or she knows.
If you passed they sign your index book (record book), if you don't here's the famous sentence
"I think you have to study more"
or
"I'm afraid that I have to see you again"
or anything like that.

And then, if you feel that you are not ready yet to go for your preferred dates, you dropped your preferred date just before the dateline (usually it's 36 hours shy of your preferred date) and by doing that you are giving chance to anyboby who would like to go for your date.
But there are cases where people drop their dates by email in 24 hours and I'm afraid that the date just get burn like that.
Anyway, I succesfully got 2 subjects signed and was preparing to go for the last one on June 30.
I wa all positive that I would complete all 56 questions of tumors in 2 days, which is by others standard is impossible.
I studied 50 ECG papers in 2 days which by others standard is impossible and I thought maybe I could ace 56 tumor questions in 2 days too.
But upon realising it's impossible, I dropped my date and was prepared to battle for the limited dates in July.
I have to do it in July
1. because I have studied a week short to one month
2. because I decided at last minute that I should fly back home for a friend's wedding

So why am I mad?
Well, it is because I didn't get any date for my exam.
Ridiculous!
I was about to get mad at myself because I thought I didn't study all year long but when I was studying for those 250 questions I saw that I have been studying ~ notes that I thought I never made but I did, book that I thought I touch for just a couple of times full with underlines.
Ok I studied, so no blame over there.
But then I am mad at myself for not making it to my original date on the 30th.
And I am more mad because the lecturer cc the email to all who pleaded for July dates part of it saying


"i am sorry, probably i will not make you happy, however, i will not change the rules during the game. thank you for your understanding"


OK, so he will not change the rules during the game.
I can accept that but what I can't accept is that the game was not played fairly.
If you are saying the July dates will be open publicly on 30th at 3 pm you should do exactly as what you said, otherwise what's the use of sticking to the rules.
The situation is that at 3pm on 30th, the system didn't work.
I kept clicking F5 like an idiot for 3 minutes and not realising that the dates are already filled.
Unbeknownst to me, the register button appeared one by one at certain times.
I mean, WTH!!!
So now tell me, is this also the rule in the game?
Because to my knowledge, all the register buttons are supposed to appear at exactly 3pm as stated.

You know what, whereter the game is fair or not, I am still mad at myself mostly, for not focusing like I do back in high school.
By focusing I mean, 250 questions is doable in 2 weeks and by studying at a snail's pace, I had 56 tumors questions to cover in 5 days.
So it's still my fault at the end.
I couldn't ask for a classroom full with people, noisy or not, so that I can only study intently without noticing any calling for me ~ I already snapped out of it, that now I am not a boarder anymore.
I just hope someone would drop their July date so that I can get this done and over with and return for 2 months holiday in Penang.
Please Allah, please.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Final Half of Third Year

Approaching 3 years having long term residence sticker on my passport page.
It truly has been quite a journey.
A massive period of transition in my life and I'm preparing to enrich the stay even more, ameen.
I haven't been truly enjoying the 4 seasons we have here, so what about having countless of stroll in crisp autumn and then, I am yet to engage in a full blast snow war and am yet to erect a massive snowman and land on the fresh snow and whip up snow angel.
Yes, I had 3 winters already but haven't really done the cliche stuffs.
Because the only time I am really studying, it was always the best weather outside.
And by the time I am done with books and stationeries, the snow has been stained with dog pee or it has really turn into the unsightly scene.
Actually, if you really want the real best deal, to the country you shall go.
It's always the best in all 4 seasons.

Anyway, despite having a non stop study marathon with breaks on the bed in between, I have managed to go to supermarket and farmer's market.
Spring has been really nice weather wise but I couldn't help but to notice that I am waiting for the cherries to come out for quite some time.
The fruits unfortunately has not infested the supermarkets or stalls this spring, at least that's what I observe.
Wonder what's happening.

And then, here comes the summer, wet, just like what I have been wishing all this while.
It's a pain to be poached in a room with books a month long (or more!) when people are out under the summer sun.
I am so happpieeee!!!!
Let it rain, let it rain!
And on another note, school captain class of 2006 is getting married.
For the information, that makes 2 out of 123 of us got hitched already and both are boys.
Frankly, it is quite a pressure.
Getting married in near future is not written in my organizer.
But what a girl gotta do when the boys who aced 5 years of high school with her (literally typing) were 1st in line and when her own mother got married at the same age she is at now?
Take a deep breath, I gotta absorb this pressure really well.
Everything is alright because people has different plans and move at different wavelengths.
Moreover, wasn't it me who always have the cravings for nasi kenduri since I set foot on Bohemian land, so it's time to accept the invitation.
I'm off to finish things first before we face the pressure(s)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Mine and Yours

To posses something particularly money and valuable material is a pleasure.
Who doesn't love it?
As a kid, I don't care much about money.
If my dad give me RM1, I'll spend all RM1.
My coconut bank was the lightest, and it seems that the trait has been passed down to the youngest brother. =p
Anyway, I became a bit more greedy in high school.
Every penny is priceless and I even did odd jobs like cleaning others locker and selling out kuih cakar ayam for extra income.
When I earn my own money (read : working holiday, scholarship), I threw caution to the wind and buy what I need and want.
I have lost a few coins or notes here and there, be it the vending machine, the mobile prepaid or anything in between.
I don't remember cursing under my breath, but I'm sure I did a couple of times when I lost something.
Or maybe some tinge of dissappointment when my things got damaged etc.
I've been pretty cool in giving in to certain sort of something.
But then, my zakat is paid my father ~ the perk of being a woman in Islam.
I just lack in this department ~ of giving some monetary contribution to anything, or anyone.
It's is an understatement alright but I just don't do it that often you see.
When I have all the will to seek for that extra something for me to call mine, I don't even have the intention to seek for debiting.

Imagine this
When you lost a bag of worthy laptop ~ OMG!!! Damn it all my things are in there, my iPod, my android my this my that!
When you are pickpocketed and lost all the cash and cards ~ 900 was in there and now it's gone poof!
When someone ask for your help, be it monetary or material or simply a service from your end ~ she deserved it/I'm sorry I couldn't (because I don't want to)
Or even when you see someone who is in need

You know what?
Maybe me and you should give in to those.
Don't be too dissolved in losing cashes and valuables.
Never hesitate to lend or give away something.
For each and everytime the above situations or something similar to the above situation occur, it's the time Allah is rewarding you a way for you to purify your asset.
We are too immersed in accumulating valueables, we are too sad and worried when we were cheated off our money but we often forget to share some of our blessing to others.
When you part with your valuable, something that need to be cleared from your possession has been cleared and that is one of a way He help you to purify your possession.

hampir semua orang mahukan syurga, ramai yang mengejarnya tapi sedikit sahaja yang ada kesedaran untuk memutuskan diri dari rantai dunia, yang salah satunya adalah harta.
Yang pasti, harta itu pun bukan kita yang punya.

It's like you are doing flying fox. You keep only the essentials and left the backpack so that you can fly it smoothly.
p/s : ayat kesukaan saya dari drama Syurgamu Ramadhan
Kadang-kadang kita terlupa apa sahaja yang diagungkan hanya sesuatu yang dipinjamkan Allah semata-mata. Disangka itu hak milik mutlak.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Abah

Ini cerita tentang abah saya.
Gambar pertama yang ada saya dan abah saya (walaupun bahagian abah saya yang ada dalam gambar tu hanyalah tangan dia) ialah gambaq semasa saya masih bayi.
Gambar tu, satu tangan abah saya sokong celah kaki saya satu tangan lagi nampak macam tengah mencengkam dada saya.
Tapi muka saya tak macam orang sesak nafas pun, dengan mata ceme, bibir sedikit terbuka, riak wajah yang mulus dan tulus berbaju merah jambu pudar.
Mata ceme tu apa?
Mata ceme (bacaan e macam cerek) ialah mata sepet yang kuyu.


Semasa darjah satu, cikgu Bahasa Melayu saya menyuruh semua orang membawa satu pantun ke sekolah.
Saya sangat gembira sebab pantun saya lain dari yang lain.
Orang lain punya pantun banyak ada ayat ular dalam mangkuk?
Nak tahu apa pantun saya?
Saya ada dua pantun, tapi saya ingat satu sahaja dari dua pantun itu, pantun yang abah saya beri

Limau purut tiga serangkai,
Buta perut tiada akai.

Bunyi macam pelik, tapi tak apalah, asalkan tiada ular dalam mangkuk mahupun periuk.
Sebagai balasannya, semasa ibu bapa saya dipanggil ke sekolah kerana masalah disiplin saya, abah saya perlu pergi.
Terima kasih abah sebab pergi.

Ok, setelah dicepatkan cerita, makanya saya sudah pun bersekolah menengah.
Pada suatu cuti sekolah, abah saya seperti biasa bawa saya meronda pulau kecuali di bahagian timur.
Kami ke Penang Road dan maaf, saya tak ingat kami makan cendol atau hanya minum air lengkong/cincau.
Yang pastinya, saya tidak membuka topi keledar dan saya turun dari motosikal abah saya.
Kemudian setelah selesai mendinginkan tekak, kami bersedia untuk bergerak.
Tetapi...
sedang saya menghayunkan kaki untuk duduk di atas motosikal, abah saya telah pun membawa motosikal.
Maknanya apa?
Maknanya abah saya tidak perasan yang saya belum naik dan membawa motosikal itu dengan lajunya mara ke destinasi seterusnya.
Saya terpinga-pinga sebentar.
Tak sempat dah nak memikirkan alamak, ada orang perasan ka insiden ni (Penang road terkenal banyak orang. ianya kawasan pelancong)
Dan pada masa itu, kami berdua, saya dan abah saya masih belum menggunakan telefon bimbit.
Dan saya memang hanya ada diri saya, pakaian yang dipakai dan helmet saja.
Takkan nak minta sedekah cik tolong sedekah saya lima kupang nak telefon rumah.
Kalau rumah saudara terdekat ialah rumah mak chaq kat Jelutong.
Kalau jalan kaki, agak-agak pukul sebelas malam baru sampai.
Tapi tak mengapa, balai polis daerah timur laut berdiri megah di depan saya.
Alkisahnya, dalam sepuluh ke lima belas minit kemudian abah saya kembali mendapatkan saya.
Lamakan?
Ada 2 inferens yang boleh dibuat.
Dia mengambil masa sebegitu lama untuk kembali mendapatkan saya kerana dia lambat menyedari saya tiada membonceng di belakangnya.
Inferens kedua, dia mengambil masa sebegitu lama untuk kembali mendapatkan saya kerana dia telah membawa motosikal dengan lajunya sampai ke mana-mana hala dan kemudian mencari saya di sepanjang perjalanan.
Apa-apa pun, teghima kasih abah sebab mai patah balik kutip cek yang abah terciciaq tepi gerai lengkong/cendoi.

Kemudian, sewaktu saya ke temuduga biasiswa Bank Negara Malaysia, abah saya yang mengiringi saya.
Dengan beg membeli belah berisi pakaian yang akan diapakai di temuduga dan bekal samosa yang mak saya buat, kami menaiki bas malam ke Kuala Lumpur.
Perlu diingatkan, saya pergi pada bulan April 2007.
Ya, saya tidak pernah ke Kuala Lumpur secara bertaruh seperti itu. (Lagipun saya pernah pergi KL dua kali sahaja sebelum tu. Abah saya pernah pergi kot, masa dia belum kahwin dulu)
Kami tidak tahu jalan dan pengangkutan di Kuala Lumpur.
Malah, pintu utama Bank Negara pun kami tidak tahu di mana.
Ok, mari jujur sedikit di sini.
Kami tiba di KL Sentral sebelum subuh, temuduga bermula pukul lapan pagi dan bilik mandi hanya akan dibuka ada pukul 7 pagi. Temuduga bermula rasanya pada 8pagi takpun 830 pagi.
Semestinya mandi terkeluar dari persoalan.
Nasib baik di surau ada pili dan saya ada membawa tuala.
Maka, saya bertukar nama dari Lina ke Grace pada hari itu (baca : tidak mandi satu hari adalah biasa bagi Mat Saleh)
Maka saya dan abah saya pun menjadi pengembara pada hari itu.
Navigasi yang bagus, terima kasih kepada info-info di sepanjang perjalanan, sama ada dari papan kenyataan, panggilan awal pagi ke rakan sekolah yang kembli pulang ke KL setelah 5 tahun di SOKSEK, serta mamak India jual surat khabar tepi stesen KMB mahupun mak cik jual kuih muih tepi jalan, kami tiba di hentian Bank Negara.
Kemudian, kami mengikut kata hati dan alhamdulillah, sampai juga ke tempat yang sepatutnya dan ya, kami tiba awal.
Sempat bersarapan di cafeteria Bank Negara lagi.
Seronok saya melihat rutin pagi di Bank Negara.
Paling mantap, hampir kesemua wanita yang tiba punya 2 beg tangan. Sangat berkerjaya ya.

Ada 7 orang kesemuanya yang menghadiri temuduga hari itu, dan saya satu-satunya yang mengusung tiga beg. Memang macam backpacker.
Yang saya risau ketika itu ialah abah saya. (kerisauan yang tidak perlu pun, sebab apa?)
Temuduga akan berlangsung dari pukul 8 pagi sehingga pukul 5 petang.
Maksud saya, takkan abah saya nak duduk di lobi itu seharian kan.
Ok, rehat makan tengah hari adalah panjang memandangkan itu hari Jumaat.
Entah kenapa setengah jam sebelum rehat saya gastrik yang sangat.
Selepas saya meminum air oren dan rakan yang lain makan tengah hari, saya ke lobi untuk mencari abah saya, yang TIADA di situ.
Kawan-kawan yang lain semuanya ke muzium duit. Oh, kecewa juga tak dapat ikut, tapi sakit sangat perut.
Sampai saya naik semula dengan Kah Mun dan Danial pun abah saya tidak ada.
Selesai temuduga yang sangat saya suka (saya suka semuanya ~ konsep temuduga, kenalan-kenalan temuduga dan kakak-kakak HR), saya akhirnya dapat menghubungi abah saya.
Dia sedang minum petang di kafeteria, dengan KAWAN BARU yang dia jumpa semasa smbahyang Jumaat.
Sebab tu la saya katakan, kerisauan yang tidak perlu pun.
Kami ke Pudu, makan KFC dan mengambil bas pulang ke Pulau Pinang malam itu juga.
Di dalam bas, saya ada satu rasa, rasa terima kasih tidak terhingga, sebab abah saya menemani saya.
Itu backpacking yang tidak akan pernah dilupakan sampai bila-bila.
Saya pergi dengan perasaan takut, tidak pasti apa yang saya akan hadapi.
Jujur, situasi ini selalu terjadi, takut, rasa keseorangan, lebih-lebih lagi dua tahun pertama di sekolah menengah dulu, tapi April itu saya pergi lebih stabil, sebab saya tahu, abah saya ada bersama dengan saya.

Abah, my endless gratification for giving me the chance to have a father up until now. I know friends who grew up not knowing a father. And I'm glad that I had mine and still having it.
Jasa abah tandatangan report kad dan segala jenis borang takkan dilupakan.

The Wedding

I was replaying the song "for the rest of my life" for a couple of times already before I decided that it has to stop or otherwise I couldn't concentrate on Robbins.

And then, the bell rang with knocks on the door.
They were mother and daughter living in the apartment in front of ours.
Well, indeed the mother is our landlady.
And guess what??
We got the first wedding invitation from the Czechs!
I have always wanted to mingle with the Czech but there's either not much opportunity or not much time.
And we got the so called Czech traditional wedding cakes in paper basket too.
Each of us got 1 basket.
It's yummy with powder sugar.
The wedding will take place in July the second.


And as I got back to Robbins, the bell rang once again.
Same faces popped in front of our door.
We forgot to tell you, the large cake..
I was thinking that it's restricted to us Muslim but it's not the case at all.
The largest wedding cake 2cmX2cm is supposed to be eaten under the table so that u can get married in the future.
Otherwise, enjoy celibacy!
I was LOL.
It sure is funny and just for fun, I will eat the largest one under the tabble.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Nostalgia

In the best of places and the best environment.
The outside was glowing red and orange.
All the doors and windows shut.
Nobody's outside, even the roosters are flapping their wings, managing a short flight up the sukun tree.
Inside the house, the noise came from mating lizards while all the family members huddling in front of the tv, waiting for Maghrib.
And then, waving through the somehow silent air, the azan, calling for prayer.
It was 18 years ago.

2011.
It's half past 9 in the evening.
The sky has just gotten dark.
There's emptiness outside.
There are no roosters, not even a soul except that of mine.
Deprieved of human companion but overflowed with papers containing knowledge.
And the azan, thanks to youtube, it's the same sound as 18 years ago, though it doesn't fill the air of the town, filling only this small space that I called a bedroom.

Growing up, I find myself yearning more for yesteryears, the early 90's.
Life gets harder, of course.
And, now I admitted it, I've been away for too long.
10 years ain't a short time.
But maybe, in 4 to 5 years, I'll be sitting in a comfort of a home surrounding by the family that I loved when it's dusk.
And once again, I can hear the azan went through the town.
Who knows.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A Take On Psychology

I've successfully endure psychology class or psychology related classes for quite a number of times.
First it was 2 months long character building class every morning in PLKN, that was the ultimate pure torture.
Then, to BTN ~ well, maybe this one has more to do with brainwashing.
And then entering medical school, it's inevitable to learn psychology FORMALLY along the way.
Imagine giving definition to hostility, depression, anxiety when it's something that's in your skin, something that everybody knows it naturally and has difficulty putting a verbal/written meaning to it.
Brings depression, I know.

Well anyway, check out if you have these
~ outburst at small things
~ tense muscle
~ anxious facial expression
~ irratible
Because you might have professional burn out syndrome! =)


But what did you pay to have those things?
~ inability to say no
~ tendency to self sacrifice
~ skyhigh expectation
~ inability to accept failure

For management of these conditions kindly use google.hehehe

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Masa

When I am having a monotonus lecture i.e. microbiology and trying my best to not lose my concentration, I couldn't help but notice that the clock is ticking, painfully, very slow.
A quarter an hour feels like eternity as my lecturer mouthing funny names like Francisella tularensis and Dracunculus medinensis.


But when it's the exam period when there are hundreds of questions and 2 3 inch books to revise, the time flew by at the speed of Concorde.
I have this imagination to tore down the clock tower that rang its bell every 15 minutes.
It feels like you are in a racing (speaking of which, you really are), and the clock does great in incresing the pressure.
Oh well.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Patriotic


One of the reson why I am labelled weird is because I loves listening to patriotic songs and songs like katak lompat, ikan kekek and the likes.
For unknown reason, I have this fondness over my homecountry Malaysia.
I enjoy singing the national anthem, always giddy to hang the flag on August and never hate Malaysia, even though some unspeakable things have taken over the concern on fellow Malaysians these past few years.
Having been enjoying the privilege of being a Malaysian and comparing notes to other friends from various country, I am always grateful to be born a Malaysian.
I love going to National Service, somehow like the BTN and always have this urge to tell about my country to others ~ well, it couldn't be helped in my case.

I've always been labelled overly patriotic and instead of being put off by such statement, I take pride in it.
But having been living in Hradec Kralove, I notice the people from a particular country who indeed is far more patriotic than I am.
I mean, usually you'll bump into one or two people being patriotic about their country but most people just don't really care.
But Norwegians, to my eyes are really proud of their country.
They have no problem wearing their national flag and they boast their achievement as the best place to live on the earth.
It's always Norway this, Norway that.
They don't have to say it out loud, but you can see it in them, that they fiercely love their nation.
Such spirit. Hats off.