Apparently it is not the end. I found something I want to write about.
About religion and how people cross the line to believe. yes to believe in God.
to believe in one god is not that far fetched idea. the human logic can comprehend it. what keep people away are denial and not knowing where and how to start.
I have a highschool friend who recently reverted. I don't know how she find her way here. I wish I could know. and I am still figuring out on what I should do for them from now on. You see I was born a Muslim. From where I come from, the way of life is to obey and do not ask questions. it's like what Harry Potter was subjected to in the Dursley household, except that we are in a cultural territory and almost everyone is Harry Potter. I know God is there. It was mechanical.
In the span of 5 years, I have dissected so much about God and my religion. The more I know, my idea of god transform from mechanical to the one that is real and sort of having a life. It used to be desperate time calls for desperate measures. Now it is let's not worry about things that have no control over, the One up there has that ability and I have to just let Him do his work and I do what I can do. An act of charity has progressed more than a chain of good deeds. and even though it is still not easy, I try to be patient. because how can I withhold kindness when I myself need it?
There are people out there in front of the line. they want to cross it and don't know how. I really really am waiting for them here. There are other people closer to the line on this side and they are hesitating. My language proficiency is not enough. It is not an easy job, it has to be continuous. yada, yada, yada. I was frustrated, mad even at those people, when I found myself detesting my own self, for having the ability to mingle around, to speak the ligua franca but lacking one essential thing, the orderly way to bring people across the line and do what need to be done after that. and afraid even. God have mercy and show us all the best way.