The One and Only

I came across this poem. It seems familiar. I must have forgotten about it but I am sure it was there somewhere in my teenage years. And I miss my one and only, daddy. Though he may not be 100% like the poem below. Never wrote me a letter, and always greet me with his receeding tummy (albeit still buncit) on skype.

Abah working on my favourite balitong. Actually we were competing over who will finish first. Obviously I lost terribly. It's my first time and the balitong kept flying in different directions other than into the basin.

Kujabat mesra tangan ayah
Urat-urat daging-daging tua keras terasa
Mataku tersenyum, matanya menyapa
Anak yang pulang disambut mesra.

Tapi matanya, mata yang menatapku
Kolam-kolam derita dan pudar bulan pagi
Garis-garis putih lesu melingkungi hitam-suram
Suatu kelesauan yang tak pernah dipancarkan dulu.

Kelibat senyum matanya masih jua ramah
Akan menutup padaku kelesuan hidup sendiri
Bagai dalam suratnya dengan kata-kata siang
Memintaku pulang menikmati beras baru.

Anak yang pulang di sisi ayahnya maka akulah
merasakan kepedihan yang tercermin di mata
Meski kain pelekatnya bersih dalam kesegaran wuduk
Dan ia tidak pernah merasa, sebab derita itu adalah dia.

~Usman Awang