Jodoh

When I was in my first year, I was the first among the girls to finish my Histology exam, after which I crammed for Anatomy.

I had a big problem with locomotor system in anatomy.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

So when I was about 80% done with the revision, minus the locomotor, I thought I wouldn't make it to my original date and I am no lucky with second chance for exam date provided that I postpone my exam (Allah is always making sure I don't procrastinate, which is a good thing)

The agony of finishing the year in September due to such unfortunate event when you already at the finishing line, my bone still remember it.

And here I am, in my third year, facing the dilemma once again.

I feel suspended to the point of vomiting.

Reality bites and man it chews too!

Since I am powerless, I'm gonna do the thing that I am capable of doing.

The resentment, bitterment and vengeance will stay with me, more powerful than before.

This is a test and I am not gonna fail it.

Since anything that bears anatomy in their name want to stick with me for such a long time.

I may as well embrace it and give it a squeeze.

But does this also mean that I would eventually ends up being a surgeon?

Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tidak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ne!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ande!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my short 21 years and half life, I have some circumstances where I don't get what I want.

Case 1. There was supposed to be a fling in my high school year, but some 'thoughtful' peeps blocked that. Not that I care that we never happened but the fact that some people have problem with a then harmless me made me alarmed. Oh well. I picked up the hints in the later years but never made any effort, I just enjoy the attention (sorry, sometime I couldn't help being vain). Girls being girls, my closest friends know about it and they made the effort for communication and I played on the sideline (forgive us, we were just being high school girls)never expecting anything but when my closest friend broke the news that they are now boyfriend and girlfriend, I was taken aback, not because I like that person (you know that don't you, that you notice some sort of person and is interested in them but you don't really like them that you want to have anything going on with them).

It's just that IMO, a close friend who knows that her friend has interest in a boy shouldn't go for the boy ~ it's unspoken rule of being friends isn't it?even though I was not serious but still that kicked on my trust. 6 years passed by and here I am, very, very glad that the above situations occur. The boy it turns out, is not really the sort of person I want to have anything going on with, not in my current page, not even anywhere in the previous page. It's hard for me to heed advice from people that I don' respect, and in case where hearts matter, it's impossible. I may not really need respect but I really need to respect to play my part well. It takes me years to realise that some people or some things are not supposed to be mine, no matter how strong I feel that I am entitled to have them, because sometime later, you'll have no regret over the loss, because it's not a loss to begin with.

What shall I say other than thanks to the people involved (note : sometime being nasty to some people means doing goods to them). And sorry, I have some problem about disclosing case 2.

Now, I just have to be optimistic and yes, I shall pay the revenge really well, revenge, regarding pathoanatomy.