Ujian, Jihad

I keep lamenting to myself and to some unfortunate people, that I don't feel happy this school year.

It's not that people around are boring, not the subjects in second year are harder than first year. No, no, no.

It's just that this aura of negativity stretched the whole school year.

The weather mostly were gloomy, despite I had more getaways this school year, I kept myself under the roof most of the time and I have this habit of malas-nak-layan, which I detest very much.

I've been lackadaisical all this time, just to realise now, at the end of May, that this atmosphere is a test for me.

And obviously, I almost fail this test.

I know I have to collect myself, to finish off this school year and to just cap the year with something full of positivity.

Searching for the lost values and determination

When they told me about Palestine ongoings, I feel warmth gradually coming back to me

I don't really keep up with whatever that is happening outside this wall of my house (yes, my condition is that bad)

My communication was reduced to facebook, blogs, viikii and dramacrazy

My love for Palestine is nothing near strong, but hearing that some people sacrificed themselves to help my brothers and sisters

It's enough to kick me out of my blues

Telling myself, this is my test, my personal jihad

It's not dangerous at all, requiring a small bit of determination compared to those in Gaza Lifeline mission

Victory is just a determination away

Everyday is my struggle

Zodiac II

Although Sagittarians have fantastic memories that tell them exactly what they said and where they were on April 14, 1939, and they remember every detail of books and invoices, they can forget where they left their coats. Most of them are constantly losing gloves, car keys, wallets-and some people are unkind enough to say they would lose their heads if they weren't fastened on their necks.

The author put them perfectly. I always failed to locate my things since I was small and it got worst in high school but now, albeit the trait is still there, the degree has lessen quite a bit. However, I was in history quiz team. macam mana tu?And yes, I did meet those unkind people. (more to outspoken people jugaklah)

She'll always be a little outspoken, because she sees the world exactly as it is, even while she's wearing those ridiculous, rose-tinted glasses. You'll leam that she's great at spotting phonies, fake salesmen with false pitches, clients with hidden motives and employees with hidden vices. Pretense and deception in any form appalls them.

I was born to be outspoken and yes, I say what I see and what's on my mind. If there's thing I don't speak out, it's when I see deception, which I do see almost every passing day. Having the ability to spot ones is hampering enough and I'm not adding the burden by pointing it out verbally - I know that u r not honest, I know that the boy in high school was pretending to hear to his walkman, I can tell if someone is hiding behind his/her mask, I know u intentionally ignore the call. Having to live knowing the deceptions are floating everywhere is another ugly business.

They will often make wide, sweeping gestures, which may be dramatic and vigorous, but possibly not very graceful.

OMG, this frequently happened when I was a teenager. I smacked my friends when I intended to give a friendly slap. Of course I got smacked back. Luckily I don't usually upset ketchup and food.

Fantaghiro Castle

As a kid, I watched Fantaghiro-Cave of the Golden Roses on TV2 and I liked it very much.

When I found out that they did their filming in Hrad Bouzov, Litovel, I've put down that castle as a must place to visit.

And when Cik Leneghiro was very determine to have it as our location for jaulah, I crossed my list.

Thanks a lot Rumaisa!

By public transportation, we would have to transit a few times and 4 hours before we can be there from Hradec Kralove.

So, we hired Petr and off we go and we arrived at 8 in the morning!

Ascending, we could see the castle and oh man, I was sure a happy child.

The weather was not so good, at least it doesn't rain.

Since the castle would be open at 9, we had breakfast ~ nasi lemak by cik PBS (many thanks =) )

The first thing Petr did was stuffing a bit of sambal sans nasi lemak whatsoever

and his expression was very priceless. Couldn't get it off my mind la.hahahha

And then, since no one's around and the field tempted us, we transformed into kids

Petr tagged along to the castle and he was of great help.

However we had to take the tour with a batch of kindergarten kids (read : quick tour)

I see something not good coming and came it did

We got binded laminated description each and struggle to keep with the pace of the group.

Obviously the castle is beautiful ~ lovely painted walls, elegant ceilings and priceless ornaments from yesteryears

And those means we need extra time for pictures and to scan the details

I didn't regret lagging behind since I pay quite a lot for that tour ~ 7okc should be a lot right?

The hall was splendid

and I really love this door

And I was very excited when we finally arrive to this

Those who watched Fantaghiro 1 know that Fantaghiro was punished to be sent into this well whenever she did wrong.

I wanted to look into the well but decided against it when the kids kept spitting into it ~ yucks

(I'm not suggesting that I don't like kids, after all kids will always be kids - bak kata Aunty Naz)

Anyway, I looked up and see what gem have I found

We mad our way into the armoury room where they put all those tombaks, swords with intricate designs of handles, mini canons, shooting board etc.

There's a great deal of the castle that we didn't cover.

They have many different tours and I have a feeling that the kitchen tour would be exciting.

I did enjoy the castle as much as I can.

We had tadabbur under a flower tree and being an avid observer, I noticed beautiful forest flowers

And I picked 'em and made a bunch (with the help of Kak Madihah)

Aren't they lovely?

We checked out the bobsleigh but it was closed.

So we made our way to the caves, which is quite several minutes away.

Before reaching the cave, we end up at a memorial for Communist victims and we were featured in local tv station ~ that's what Petr told us

But could u believe it? they filmed us because they thinks we were high schoolers and went there for the anniversary too. School kids???

The caves would be another story altogether.

And to those who really wanted to go with us but didn't get the chance, just go ~ maybe you could invite me along =p

See, I didn't get enough of it. In fact, I will never get enough of my travel.

Royal Maharaja and Take Away Fast Food

It has been raining for weeks now over here and in Malaysia, the heat is unbearable.

Every morning, when I draw my curtain, it takes me a moment to be thankful for the rain.

I can't deny it that like most of the people over here, I am hoping for sun shiney day.

So, 2 days ago, we had dinner at Royal Maharaja, an Indian restaurant in town.

It was comforting to be tucked in nice Indian ambience, drinking lassi and having lamb briyani served in tin bowl and 5 other people enjoying the evening meal when it was grey and pouring outside.

For the first time, we get to choose everything on the menu, minus the alcohol.

At the very first page, it's stated that all meat and chicken are halal.

Looking at the hanging pictures transported me back to my childhood.

I live near a guest house run by an Indian family - Rama's guest house.

I went to tuition at the house, met Stevey and Benny, being interested in the birds mural and the so many elephants pictures in the house.

I was a curious child, so, whenever I was in the living room where all the pictures were, I would scan each and every one of them.

I remember those many hands, each 1 holding different object.

The pictures were all blue, but I still remember the elephant head with a piece of headdress.

So, about the dinner, the briyani was good, the lamb chunks were tender and the price suits the dinner.

Done paying our bill, we stepped out into the chilly raining town square.

Along the way, we stopped now and then, admiring the pieces on display.

Last stop was in front of a simple cut, yet elegant long flowing dress tagged 23000 kc (nearly 1000Euro)

And after that we passed few restaurants and that was when I saw an old man, not so properly dressed for the chill in front of the fast food corner.

I couldn't see his face but I could see his hands, holding his dinner for that day, a burger perhaps, were shaking. He was standing.

And I just had a bowl of fragrant lamb briyani, in a nice warm place with companies.

My heart ached, out of pity for him and a kick on my conscience.

And somewhere on the other side of the world, my own single granduncle might sleep after a dinner with only a piece of bread and a body that's getting weaker day by day.

For me, everyday is a struggle (did I tell u yet that being immobilised can weakens sag?), but after a look at that old man, perhaps my struggle is nothing compared to him.

Creepy isn't it, how things are neatly arranged to happen in our lives?

Just like my dinner and that old man dinner.

Zodiac

Born a sagittarius, sans horse back ;p

I've been interested in zodiac since last Thursday, when I stayed the night to revise kidney.

I don't know if we can believe what the zodiac says

Well, I need someone who can give me the proof that I shouldn't believe it

Because currently, I don't believe in horoscope because that is what's coming

But zodiac for me, it's describing people personality, so I belive in it highly, if not completely (which applies only to Sagittarius zodiac of course)

I heard that Sagittarius by far is the most messy sign out of the 12 signs.

Our personality is a cocktail I must say.hahaha

It's fun and scary at the same time to discover the similarity of yourself to the zodiac sign.

Since they are too many, I'll put bits of this and that, and patched them up in upcoming posts.

I do this for my own reflecting pleasure *vain*

But of, course, u r welcome to read it and share your thought.

I promise, inshaallah, to treat the feedback with justice.

=]

MONEY

Teach these children economy. They'll spend money like it's made of paper, which they've already discovered it is. They have to leam that when they spend their allowance, it's spent.

Sagittarians are extravagant by nature . Money for the sake of money doesn't interest them, and it takes quite a bit of training to teach most of them the meaning of a dollar bill.

As a child, I failed spectacularly at saving money. My coconut saving box is the lightest compared to my brothers. and when you give me 50 cent, I'll spend all 50 cent.

And when I feel like buying something, I'll just take the bus, head for the store and buy, hasitating just a little at the tag. If this goes on, in a matter of time, I'll be broke *cringe*

The average Jupiter man will loan you money without ever making you ashamed to ask or even obligated to repay it.Well, it's annoying to keep track how much you lend and whom do you lend your money to. Put someone who's cheapskate, put an accountant beside me, I'll copy them, but just for awhile before I go back to my bad habit.

FRIENDLY

There you are, waving your heart at me.This quaint phrase sums up every Sagittarian from age one week to one hundred years. The calendar doesn't mat ter. They never grow up, anyway. You know what?most people I meet after quite a long time of absence from each others' life always tell me, you never change. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.after so many years and so many experiences, it's like they r telling you, you never gain anything over the years.but on the sunny side, it means we Sags are still the adorable 1.ok go and puke.Take a good look at your little Sagittarius girl. There she is, waving her heart at you, like a friendly sheepdog. When people don't say "hello" back to them, their tiny hearts droop in disappointment. During our cycling trip, I greeted almost everyone that I cycled by and as a child, I say hello to almost everyone too, even the grandpa sitting beside me in the bus.

PROMISE

He invited you to lunch this morning. Now you can find out what he's really like. (He cancelled it. He had forgotten he promised to speak at the ASPCA meeting.)

I know this pretty well, very well indeed. What is coming is never something sure. That's why I never say promise word when I tell someone I'll be doing things unless I'm very sure it'll happen. So, when anyone accuse me of breeching my promise, it's like telling me to slap him/her. Sagittarian is very particular about their integrity and when u scan carefully, U'll notice that I never say I promise (that's it if you have a strong memory)

INTOLERANT TO DISHONESTY

If you're fair and you try to be as honest as he is, the Jupiter youngster will leam to respect your rules. A Sagittarius moppet can smell dishonesty a mile away as his nostrils quiver like a bird dog's and his muscles quiver with anger, backed by righteous indignation. I remembered playing with my neighbour when her mom came and insisted her to have her evening shower. and she told us that the girl would be right back playing with me after shower. and after shower, she told us that the girl can't play anymore since that would make her shower once more. I always doubt the adult after that incident and of course when she said her daughter will be playing after shower, I know that she wouldn't.

RUDE PEOPLE WHO TALK TO US

Don't yell too loud. You'll offend her, and she's not exactly noncombustible herself. Sagittarius girls have been known to fly into some pretty fiery rages.

Well, yes, I may not yell back since I think I would downgrade myself to the rude person lvl, but I make sure that the person would have a hard life. So I think, if anybody want to tell us something or correct our mistake must do it nicely. demanding- maybe they should put this in our trait too.hehehe

When you want her to do something, ask her. Don't tell her.

She enjoys being protected, but she doesn't want to be ordered around. Not even her mother gets away with that. Who are you, that you should top her mother?

I hate people who love to boss around, even though I'm quite the one who loves to boss around. When I say no, it means no. After all, freedom is a fundamental thing for us sag.

The words in blue below title with capital letters are from here

Tahun Bersedih. Smutny Rok.

I remembered saying(typing to be exact) that this school year gonna be a dull one.
My instinct proved to be right, it's not even a dull year, it's indeed a year with roller coaster of emotion.
With 1 month to go before the final commences, I must say, this year has not been good on me.
I'm not talking about academic here.
Everything they taught us in 2nd year is interesting that I can say the physiology book is as 1/2 enjoyable to read as Harry Potter.

I'm emotionally weary.
The school year started off with me flashing a casted hand and a life as an invalid for 1 month.
I didn't get the chance to draw blood, until recently, when we were testing urine.
Even before I break my precious wrist, I celebrated what was the most unceromonious Eid in my life.

My mom got laid off because the gajah-gajah were fighting, and since she was a pelanduk, according to the peribahasa, she died.
In reality, she suffered quite a huge emotional and financial damage.
It's not easy to put the bread on the table when u live in Penang.
With Allah's grace, she preserved thru the ordeal, and started over again.

As for me, when I went to visit Ili, reality kicked in.
I realised that I am lonely, thanks a lot to my principle that have me keeping to myself most of the time.
I miss Azie.
I miss studying during preps with 2 dozens others.
I miss bickering with Prem.
I miss all my friends from high school.
I've seen them from afar, and I realised, that is not enough.

Now, I'm missing all of them, and I'm missing the company from MSU days.
I just miss girlie talks with Liyana.
I miss having dinner with my housemates.
And I miss Farina, the one who kept me company the whole year.

And to add to the emotional turbulence, many people who I regard as my closies are in difficult times.
To Azzuan who's waiting beside Ziha, praying most of the time for her to open her eyes from 2 months long unconsciousness.
Braving every information from the doctor.

To Syikin who's diagnosed with tuberculosis, already at level 4.
She's small enough to me and she's losing weight.

Can't imagine how she looks like now at 36kg
This is my friend whom I know since primary school, who biked with me everyday to and from school.
In form 4 we were reunited into the same class.
We shared most of our childhood together and part of our teenage together too.

To my treasured Tok Ndak who's suffering from old age.
Who's living alone since last 12 years.
Last 12 years, I was trying to figure out who's going to die first, Tok Ndak or Tok Teh, after series of death of people who loved me.
Months after that, only Tok Ndak was left.
To hear that he has difficultied walking, it shatters my already bruised soul.

There are some more happening and my heart is taking it, blocking every kick from them every passing moment.
And the weather, it's grey outside.
I tell myself, it's the time again to grow up thru emotional ordeal.
The sun, it will shine again.

If He Knows and Understands

It was Friday and I decided to don on baju kurung paired with white scarf.

I knew eyes were on me, along the way to bus stop and inside the bus.

Because I'm different.

Spring in full bloom.

As usual, I made my way across the zebra crossing, running a little to reach the other side of the road quickly.

A car happened to pass by, and I heard Allahuakhbar!

I'm not sure if I really heard Allahuakhbar because I was in a haste to reach the faculty.

But I couldn't stop thinking about it until I reached the 3rd floor.

If I realy heard the thing that I think I heard, I would say allahuakbar! once more

It matters not to me whether the man was making fun of me or he had a god intention saying it.

What caught my attention is that he said Allah is the greatest.

Allah is the greatest.

I'm glad that I didn't feel negative about the incident

Rather I found something interesting.

If he wanted to make fun of me, it backfired him alright

He was praising my creator.

He said Allah the greatest.

And Allah indeed is the greatest.

So I say, Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah