And she also spoke through the belt and hanger and smoked coconut husk, once upon a time ago.
I was born when she was 22 y.o. and 3 months.
And she bore a son 2 years after.
My earliest memory of her is that one when I have to put up with a brother in a small rattan cage, watching her washing the fishes or cooking.
I was a little monkey back then, screaming to get out.
Then, there was this one time, when she rushed into the house from the market and quickly closed the door.
A cow (I saw it) followed her on her way back from the morning market.
My childhood memories with her in the picture were more on the ugly side.
I was a tough child. A very tough one.
But I remember the time when she sent me into my first schoolbus ride and the rides after that.
She would hold the newborn Nazir, under the sun or under the downpour, she would see me off.
And then when I got into Standard 1, she told me to come back home straight from school.
But this one particular day, my neighbour cum classmate decided to stop by at another friend's house and I never got back home alone so I followed her.
And she cycled all the way from home with her infamous rotan.
I was beaten to pulp and was heaved all the way to Mak Lang house.
I thought I would die...
For various misdeeds, I was always locked out.
Or smoked.
Yes, my punishment includes smoking husk as well.
To add to the extra effect, you could always put some dried chillies as well.
Among her 3 children, I was the one who get smoked the most, since I was the most stubborn.
And there's this one evening when I was smoked until I vomited.
We had a break for a while and I was to be smoked again, but brave Ezany saved me.
With his kain batik busuk, he scoop a cebok of water, splashed it on the smoking husk and ran back home.
It was hilarious.
We lived next to police barrack.
Those people would be the witness to my sufferings.
I always skip Quran classes and tuition.
Which means it's me who invited all those belting, hangers and excrucriating strokes of rotan.
I would always shield behind abah, who never did anything honestly.
There were countless of nights where I went to sleep, questioning if she is really my mother, if I am someone who she picked from the garbage.
When the granduncles and grandaunt were alive, I would retreated to Batu Feringghi.
For the most of my childhood, I hold bitter thoughts against my mom.
But then she was the one who stayed up with me and lit the candles up, so that I could finish my homework when there's electric shortage.
She was the one who went around looking for kindergarten when 2-3 dismissed my applications.
She sent me to tuition.
And she made sure I have everything for school, she even made a pot of tapioca glu for my art project which turned out a disaster (I was excellent at making mess out of my art projects)
I was always that student who came to school with complete things - cardboard, glu, pencil, color paper etc~I have them all.
Once in standard 2, the teacher asked us to bring some sticks for math to school. My mother bought a box of orange icepopsicles and distributed it to the cousins so that I would have the sticks.
When I got no 1 in school, she coaxed abah to buy me a watch - of which he did. My first watch was an ultraman watch, purchased from Rope Walk flea market.
And then, to save me the trouble, she bought me bicycle, so that I can cycle to school.
I enjoyed cycling to school, and to jetty, and to beach and to skip tuition/Quran class, and also the bicycle is something that I should have so that I could race around the market building.
And she was the one who took the bus at 9 pm so that I could see the doctor due to my painful stomachache.
When I was halfway through my final year of elementary, she decided to start working.
As a cleaner, she saved up for my entrance into boarding school.
We paid everything in one go.
Throughout my highschool, she worked various jobs from cleaner, to canteen worker to hotel housekeeping.
I went to school not having to worry about my result suspended because the fees haven't been settled.
If I need books or the sorts, I would always have it.
New uniform every school year.
Except for commuting home-school, I had to use the bus. And for games, I had to use the same scarf for school. and she couldn't visit me every weekend.
It broke my heart everytime she came to visit me.
Thinking of how they have to take various buses, plus the waiting.
But I had given my best too, since I was no longer a stubborn tough kid, I was already a tough girl with full understanding of what's going around.
To have her beside me when I hold both PMR and SPM slips boasting a perfect one alphabet lined up, I was happy I wasn't a failure anymore.
Only thing is, I am a girl who doesn't like to be tied down.
I didn't yield to her request, wanting me to study at home.
I always want to go as far as I could reach, as much as I could see and experience and I am not ready yet to be back for good.
Still, she gave in and accompanied me up and down offices, crossing busy roads, getting lost, all under the scorching Malaysian sun.
She gave me the freedom to choose what I want, that at one time I ended up confusing myself, but she helped in every way she could.
Our relationship has been a roller coaster or a bowl of lai chee kang.
It has been wonderful, fearsome and plethora of things mixed together.
I owed most of my qualities to her.
And yes, I love you tonnes, mak.
Eventhough you always say that I never love you.
But then, how could I ever stop loving you, after all this time?
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