The Price of My Journey

POZOR : This is an emotional post. Proceed if you wish to read.
I’d wanted to go to a boarding school when I’m in elementary.

And I did go.
5 years.

I’d wanted to go for National Service.

And I reported in Kem PLKN Bukit Besar, Kulim from January 2007-March 2007.

I’d wanted to study overseas.
And I did preparation for 1 year in Shah Alam and now I’m,across continents in Bohemian land.

Mimo Zeebang?

I’ve been happy. I got all I wanted.
But sometime,seldomly, there’s this uneasy feeling dancing Ramayana epic in my mind.
For 7 years, I’ve miss my family companion.
Oh no, is it 7 years?I mean 7 years?Hell, that’s long?
I missed so many birthdays, I left my brother who was down with chicken pox, I only know that my parents was in an accident after a week the incident happened. In total, I’ve left all my responsibility as an eldest child in my brother’s hand.
Here and every places that I’ve been except home, I’ve friends to talk with,
to study with,


to go shopping with

and to enjoy life with. I also have a life, things that I want to do. But I don’t have my family. I don’t get to kiss my parents hands before taking off, I don’t get to chance to hop into a bus to school with my brothers and I don’t get the chance to enjoy lunch or dinner prepared by my mum after a rigorous day.
When I’m home on my breaks, I have my family back. I’m happy.

I can kiss all them,

I get hugs, I don’t have to bother what to cook and what to eat and I get fluffy pillow and bantal golek. But home, it seem to be a retreat spot for me. I eat, sleep and lazing around most of the time. The verbs in my home dictionary are only watching tv,surfing the net, doing housechores, eat and sleep (I know it well-unproductive). Worst, I don’t have friends nor do I know people around me. I feel like an alien. I just know my family and just go out with my mum. Socially zero.
Well,honestly typing,it’s hard. My life is suspended. Here with friends without family, there with family without friends.
That’s why I always want my mum to know what life I’m living every now and then. I want her to see how’s my bed done, I want her to know which bus I take, I want to show her my closet, I want her to know what I did today, wanting her to know what I had for breakfast,lunch and dinner, also want her to know what questions did I go through in the test. Because my mum, unlike many other mum can’t see what’s her only daughter looks like when she leave the house this morning and my mum don’t get the chance to cook me dinner after my long day at school.
It’s the price that I pay for what I want.