Allah Bersama Kamu

I just received the news about the situation in Egypt.

Surprisingly, Malaysia is still weighing to evacuate Malaysians there.

I know the number of Malaysian in Egypt is very large but we must have all the budget and things to get our people safe.

However, I'm deeply worried about friends studying there.

They are very dear friends of mine.

The situation must be very tense.

Inside or out the house, nowhere is safe.

I pray that Allah protect them thorugh this ordeal.

My Reply To You

U said

take years and lots of events

I say

it surely does ;)

U said

Janji yang tertulis di Loh Mahfuz

I say

Exactly!when something is meant to be it's meant to be.

Many years passed by where we walked the road parallelly, never crossing

But here we are, thousand of miles from where we first met, our paths at last, crossing

U said

cepatlah datang sini!

I say

It won't be soon but I will be there again after some time.

For 4 long years, we went through our teen, minding each other business.

It never cross my mind that 3 years after that, we would camp at your place together.

2 years more, we watched as the fireworks blasted the new year eve sky, went to IKEA for 15 brief minutes, seeing you sewing your own curtain and lots more happening.

Thank you for the wonderful times and for everything

Semoga Allah memberkati kita dan semoga ukhuwwah ini dirahmatinya.

Amin.

The Cheese Library

After almost 3 years, I finally went to the cheese library.

Response : I seriously don't mind paying the taxes. They sure go into good things, inshaallah.

Well, some overview about the library.

It has 5 floors and you can study at the fifth floor in open space, if u r not member or in personal study box, if u r a member.

It has loads of good books, mostly, sorry to dissappoint you, in Czech.

They have something like internet club and an equally large area for magazine.

It's not really quiet like a library's supposed to be but it's conducive enough.

Anyway, I found a stack of atlas and picked up the one entitled Cestovni Atlas a.k.a travel atlas.

I flipped through the pages with beautiful pictures of most of the places on the earth.

From the depressing chunks floating on the North Sea,

to Malboro commercial-like canyon in Colorado,

to oh-so-really-very-beautiful tropical islands,

to scary rainforest jungle with tribes,

to cacti in Peru,

to camels dotting the dunes.

I mean, how magnificient can the earth be?

How so beautiful and so many diverse nature in one small globe. and I am so tiny that you wouldn't be able to see me from the space station.

Really, there so much wonders to be explored, and if this temporary world contain such treasures, how magnificient would the heaven be.

He told me the heaven would have worldly things, except they are much more worthier and far better than what's in here.

Imagine having all the time you need and no worry over airplane tickets, the laundry and where to sleep.

Paradise!

I think, maybe this earth is a very minute representation of the paradise.

The absolute traveller dream.

Admittedly, the road there is an ardous one, but who am I to complain?

Oh, I am that flight passenger. ;p

Photos are from my uniors, Zue and Nik

Kapal

Tak kisahlah kapal apa. Kapal terbang yang terbang membelah awan mahupun kapal yang belayar di laut membawa apa yang berguna bagi manusia.

Saya tidak pernah lagi menaiki kapal yang belayar di laut, kapal terbang yang membelah awan tu pernahlah.

Namun saya kira perasaan orang yang selalu menaiki kapal terbang jarak jauh (bahasa Inggerisnya, long haul flight) sama sahaja dengan perasaan orang yang belayar lebih dari sebulan di lautan.

Perasaan apa itu?

Secara peribadinya, perasaan itu ialah perasaan yang ingin cepat sampai ke daratan.

Selain dari kali pertama menaiki penerbangan merentas benua, kali-kali yang lain saya mengalami sedikit masalah depresi.

Justeru penerbangan terus 12 jam bukanlah pilihan. Transit is the best option.

Oh, tolong jangan cepat melompat ke dalam kesimpulan.

Bukan la depresi yang teruk pun. Kalau perlukan metafora, intensiti depresi tu lebih kurang perasaan sewaktu perlu menonton video bina karekter setiap malam selama 2 jam setengah di kem PLKN dahulu (serius bosan tahap nirvana)

Bagi kebanyakan orang, mungkin penerbangan jarak jauh agak membebankan kerana

1. terbang bersama anak kecil. sebab anak kecil kalau dia mula membebel, amplifier kat SOKSEK pun kalah. Paling mantap bila bateri dia tahan lama tak perlu cas.
2. tempat duduk sempit. tambah pulak kalau kau kena duduk dengan orang yang tidak pernah dikenali.6 jam pun cukup la nak bagi depresi. Oh, insomnia juga.
3. bilik air yang elegan namun comel dari segi saiz dan bilangan. depresi bila bilangan penumpang 30 kali ganda bilangan bilik air. lagi ramai orang yang mengambil kafein atau alkohol, atau 10 gelas jus dalam masa 2 jam, lagi *sambung sendiri, saya yakin anda tahu situasi seterusnya*
4. kalau terbang 12 jam tanpa henti di RNR (tanpa transit di mana-mana lapangan terbang), badan melekit kalah dodol + muka berminyak kalah cucoq udang saya.

Bagi saya, itu semua masih boleh diterima. Tetapi saya tertekan disebabkan pemandangan yang monotonus dan sangat kosong tiada isi nun di luar tingkap pesawat.

Memang awan cantik. Bak kapas yang halus mulus lagi gebu pada pandangan mata. Ditambah pula dengan langit biru, mahupun oren. Kalau malam tanpa bintang lagi parah, hitam sokmo.

Saya susah melelapkan mata di dalam penerbangan, cerita-cerita di dalam skrin ICE bukanlah pilihan, permainan maya pula terlalu la-ih. Pilihan yang ada setelah semua sudoku dalam buku sudoku dah penuh hanyalah merenung ke luar tingkap.

Di sini bermula. Depresi.

Selaju manapun pesawat terbang di statosfera (atau lapisan yang manapun), langit Allah sungguh Subhanallah luasnya lebih luas dari pandangan mata.

Jadi setelah 3 jam, selalunya, pemandangan yang sama yang ada di luar tigkap sana.

awan putih di bawah dan langit biru selebihnya. Itu sahaja. Macam your boat alone in the wide ocean with nothing else but the sky, no tiny island, not even a bird fly by.

Kosong bukan?

Bukan, bukan. Bukan sekadar kosong, tapi kosong sekosong-kosongnya sampai hanya ada 2 adjektif saja yang sesuai diberikan kat pemandangan tu ~ kosong dan sunyi.

Sama macam kesusahan nak melalui hari-hari dengan perasaan kosong sebab yang ada cumalah kosong (ayat seorang sister)

Cuba bandingkan penerbangan jarak jauh merentas benua (kita abaikan penerbangan sulung kita.itu kes lain.) dan lautan dengan kehidupan manusia.

Contohnya saya.

Saya asalnya berada dekat dengan Allah, namun saya memilih ke dunia. seperti saya memilih untuk menaiki penerbangan merentas benua 14 jam tanpa henti.

Saya sangka penerbangan itu menarik.

Saya tertarik dengan awan berkepul-kepul, tertarik dengan pramugara-pramugari, tertarik dengan segala macam perkara yang ada di dalam sebuah penerbangan seumpamanya.

Daratan?kita lupakan itu sebentar ya. Syokkkkk sangat naik kapal terbang ni.

Namun, setelah 2jam,saya merasa sudah tiada apa yang menarik di dalam penerbangan itu.

Saya pandang ke luar, cantiknya awan, birunya langit.5 minit berlalu, 7 minit, 20 minit. Kok masih sama pemandangannya. Bukankah kapal terbang ini lebih laju dari Formula Future.

Awat rasa macam dok nampak awan alto-stratus ja sejak 20 minit lepas.

Saya mula merasakan "emptiness" di langit dan awan yang saya nampak. Rasa tertekan sebab kosong tu tak pernah hilang dan konsisten.

Kemudian datang bau harum menusuk hidung dan mengaktifkan amygdala. Dituruti dengan kakak cantik atau pun abang smart membawa hidangan. suasana kembali ceria. setengah jam kemudian, pandang semula ke luar, dan begitulah seterusnya sehinggakan tidak sabar-sabar mahu bertemu daratan semula.

Kamu nampak, Allah itu airport saya, dunia ini penerbangan saya.

Saya pilih untuk ke dunia, terpesona sebentar dengan dunia dan terlupa kepada Allah, atau pun bukannya terlupa, tetapi tidak mahu ambil kisah sangat.

Saya pun seronok meneroka dunia sampai suatu masa saya merasa lelah.

Saya pun berhenti sebentar dan memandang dunia.

Aneh, dunia punya macam-macam tarikan dan banyak lagi yang belum pernah saya cuba (in flight entertainment tidak akan terhabis dalam satu penerbangan Emirates), tetapi mengapa saya merasa kosong, monotonus dan sunyi?sama perasaannya macam memandang ke luar tingkap kapal terbang yang terapung di antara langit dan bumi.

Selaju kapal terbang yang terbang mara, saya rasa saya juga tetap terus bergerak.

Tapi masih kekosongan itu tidak pergi-pergi.

Bukannya tiada teman di sisi.Lagi sekali, macam juga di dalam penerbangan, ada beratus orang lain di dalam pesawat yang sama. Siap ada kemungkinan you die I die lagi (be it teman-teman di sisi mahupun fellow passengers)

Kenapa ruang itu masih ada? ruang kosong yang merimaskan.

Jadi manusia macam saya pun kembali merindui fitrah saya. Fitrah bertuhan.

Dalam penerbangan, penumpang rindukan daratan.

Dalam dunia, hamba rindukan tuannya.

Sedih bukan bila nanti-nanti ada berita, pesawat terhempas, pesawat meletup atau dalam erti kata lainnya, pesawat/penumpang yang tidak akan pernah mendarat sampai kat airport in one piece sebagaimana waktu dia take off dahulu.

Tak ubah macam manusia, dalam perjalanan dia di dunia, boleh terlalai dan membelok ke lain, sudahnya hingga ada yang tidak sampai kepada Pencipta.

Saya telah memilih penerbangan dunia ini.

A flight of no return. (Lapangan terbang ditutup sebab parking dengan runway tak cukup)

And I am already airborne (dah take off, dah dilahirkan)

Sudah meneroka sebahagian kecil nikmat yang ditawarkan dalam penerbangan dunia ini, sudah pun merasa bosan dengannya dan kini sudah 20 minit memandang awan dan langit yang dok duduk macam tu saja sejak tadi.

Mula la rasa rindu dekat daratan (si Dia)

Nanti, akan ada pramugara-pramugari ataupun makan yang sedap-sedap (nikmat dunia la tu!) sampai saya turunkan blind kat tingkap pesawat. Lupa daratan balik.

Saya rasa semua orang akan melalui fasa-fasa macam ni, semua manusia, tak kira yang dah lupa daratan atau yang rindu sangat-sangat dengan daratan (daratan=Ilah).

Mula-mula, saya confused, sebab apa even orang yang dekat dengan Allah pun rasa perasaan kosong dan bosan tu dalam hidup ni.

Awak rase sebab ape? (ayat Kak Lene dan Kak Madihah)

Sebab ni kan penerbangan. Dunia. We are supposed to be fed up with it.

Dan selagi kita masih di dalam penerbangan ni, selagi belum mendarat, selagi itu kemungkinan untuk kita mendarat kat lapangan terbang dan kemungkinan kita nak mendarat kat Pentagon mahupun kawasan-kawasan yang tidak dinamakan lapangan tetap 50-50.

Jadi pakailah seat belt, baca balik manual kecemasan, doa dan teruskan berdoa.

Moga-moga saya dan kamu, moga-moga kita selamat sampai ke lapangan terbang/kepada Ilah kita.

Seperti sirih pulang ke gagang.

Seperti pesawat pulang ke lapangan terbang.

Kita perlu pulang kepada Allah.

Rasa Sayang

The presence.

The memories, good or bad.

The phone calls.

The gestures and exchanges.

This whole lifetime, eversince you get out of the infancy amnesia.

The people along the way.

Home, preschool, elementary, high school, preparation programme up to university.

Deceased or not.

Happy or sad.

Thank you, thank you for colouring up my life.

Thank you for being there in my photographs, for celebrating the birthdays, for fretting over things with me, for travelling with me, studying with me, eating with me, crying with me and doing anything with me.

It has been such a great blessing.

You know what, there are times like these.

Out of the blue, that I remember many people in my life and am grateful that they were and are there.

And feel a surge of affection for them.

They can be a room away, a continent away, a decade left and even unreachable.

Thank you Allah for giving me this wonderful worldly pleasure.

9 Years Ago

This is an outdated post, intended to be posted on 12/01/11, to remark the date 12/01/02.

The first time I went through this gate, it was still dark and the street lamps lit.

It was 12th January 2002 and I was 12, or 13, armed with a big plastic bin (for water storage in case there would be shortage in the future) and a bag packed with all the things listed in the offer letter, ready to embark on a whole different journey.

It was my first day wearing turquoise sarong and I was so happy to start high school, and whats more, in a fully residential school.

The idea was cool, the reality, as I found out later during the school year, is not really cool.

Anyway, I was given a pet sis that's supposed to help me through out my first year.

I handed in all the forms, was not really listening to the talks and bought the supplies at the coop.

I have always love the feeling of the start of school year where you would buy stationeries and exercise books and then write your name and class on them. ah, those great yesteryears.

I was the first to get into the dorm so i got my pick for the bed and locker.

Looking back, I was so proud that I was able to live with such a small locker.

It's 1/3 of the locker that we got when in Form 2.

My pet sis taught me how to make the bed and brought me into her dorm.

It was squeaky clean and man, the beds all were done marvelously.

Marvelously = when u drop a pin, it will bounce back. The sheet should be very, very taut.

A batchmate actually didn't sleep on her bed the first few months!

And my pet sis taught me how to fold my clothes. We have a standard of folding cloth. When piled up, the stack should have a sharp linear sides.

Anyway, I don't really remember since when I ditch the standard of folding the cloth.

When I realized it, I was a pet sis myself, showing the girl assigned to me how to make the bed and whats not.

The dormmates for first 2 years. ahh so looking like a nerd that amoi wearring scarf.

My parents left early and I was busy making new friends.

Syikin, my only friend from elementary was in the dorm next to mine.

That very noon, we decided to visit the canteen.

Little did we know we are going to wreck havoc and never reach the canteen that day.

I have always been a free hair outside school, so I guess living in hostel is just like home after school.

I put on the brand new green Hello Kitty shirt and track suit and along with Syikin, we went out of the girls' dormitory past those 2 vending machines and straight into boys' dormitory.

Only thing is we had no idea we were going straight into boys' dormitory. No wonder there's dead end and no canteen is there.

But it does sound like a zoo, the boys' dormitory ya know. =p

We casually asked a nearby aunty of what kind is that place we were in and she said it's boys' dormitory and we went oh, ok and made our way up back into the girls' dormitory.

We even stopped by the vending machine and got Coke.

Seriously, we didn't really think what we have just been through is such a matter to dwell on.

So we don't find the canteen, it's ok, we'll try again tomorrow.

We had no idea that up there in the area of telephone booth, were agitated girls ready to attack us with questions.

"Are you a non muslim?"

"I look like a Chinese, isn't it?" ~ soalan dari dalam hati

"no, i'm a Muslim", my answer was replied by girls with gaping mouths.

but why don't you have you scarf on? did you get into the boys dormitory?*bam**bam**bam*

And it was not long after that the news spread around, that 2 girls went into boys dormitory and one even went out free hair.

Let me give you a piece of my mind.

Seriously I thought that I dress just accordingly compared to the gaping girls at telephone booth, they had those ridiculous combination of towel on the hair, short sleeve and sarong from baju kurung set.

God, I was popular above any other people the first day I enter high school.

The 2 girls grew up didn't they?In Form 5, we don't look like we had once barged into the boys' dormitory.

But well, I was so innocent and harmless to take note of my popular status at that time.

I and Syikin went around like other freshies, never alone and always, sporting a necklace with biskut segi empat cap ping pong with our name and class written on it around our neck the whole induction week.

p/s : I hope those seniors got their retribution for that.pftt!

And we were careful to follow every instruction (once again, we were freshies, and what freshies do?they act like cow)

One of them is to greet every senior that we pass by.

And greet them we did.

We= me and Syikin

Girls and boys.

And we were made popular once again.

"Nobody greet boys!" came the mandatory instruction.

"We got news that some girls went around and greet boys from upper year"

Uh-uh, in case they forget, they only say we have to greet senior. No more, no less.

Induction week was epic.

I annoyed the hell out of every F1 girl by calling their name with suffix kak.

When inquired, I said "oh, I was born in December, so I'll call you kak"

The truth is I was so scared of that Julie, it didn't help that she is a close friend of my pet sis, and so scared that I miss any senior as my batchmate.

U never know what else would they do to you if any mistake is to be done.

We already had a rectangular biscuit with our names to take care of, early mornings tip toeing to the bathroom without slippers on (no flapping of slipper in front of seniors dorm), some already kissed the coconut trunk, and God know what else they are capable of making us do.

We already harbor enemies due to the fact we have quite a handful of cuties and beauties in our batch.

I capped off the induction week impressively.

I was playing Hasnah in a medley performance.

"Hasnah anak tok penghulu,

muka dia menggerutu,

rambut panjang macam hantu,

tentu banyak simpan kutu"

"Hasan budak jaga lembu,

hari-hari curi jambu,

kalau nampak tok penghulu,

tentu engkau kena palu"

Obviously I acted very well.

With covered hair of course!

The popularity soared only that I lost my name to Hasnah.

With signatures and birthdates assigment done and my rectangular biscuit safe and sound from demons' hands, my spirit for school flamed even more at the prospect of learning French.

Form one is a tough year but this first month is just the beginning to the exciting, crazy 5 years.

Spot the difference. Top pic was taken in early days. Bottom pic was taken few months into graduation.

Credits : all photos are taken from high school friends collection i.e. Assila, Hanie and few others.

The Last of My Loves, Now, Gone

The not so good week indeed has not passed.

Just when I'm recovering from the fever, I woke up today to a news, Tok Ndak was called to be with Him.

The last of my loves.

And the only one whom I can't see being prepared for the funeral, the only one who I miss the chance to put rose petals in between the white sheet.

I sent the other four nicely.

I stayed with their bodies before they were packed.

Some of them, I even went to see them off into the grave itself.

The other four left when I was small.

Yes people, I learned of the death at the age of 7.

In the span of 2 years, I lost 4 of my treasured ones.

Life totally have been different afterwards.

It is for me and I know it is for my parents and Nazri too.

When already 3 loves went away, there were just TokNdak and TokTeh.

I recall riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle along those snakey road from Batu Feringghi to Teluk Bahang, and counting who's next in the line.

It had been too tiring for a small me, all those funerals and all those lost loves.

I just know that another one is going to be fetched.

And so he was fetched also.

And Tok Ndak continued to live alone.

Tok Ndak is the one whose life unfurled before my eyes, or maybe the final 1/3 of his life must I say?

I saw him turning from a healthy man into the ones taking many medicine for the aching muscle, from someone who's able to take care of himself to the one who knows nothing, from a mobile one to bedridden.

Watching him, it has teaches me alot. The kind of lesson that only few would have the chance to experience.alhamdulillah.

I had always visit him when he was repairing his net.

Thus, I can proudly point out that the surgeon in the video is sutuing like a fisherman repairing the net, just to be clarified as so by the lecturer.

I know I should be happy that he finally has his much needed sleep.

But I am allowed half an hour of tears am I not?

That is the one who bought me my formula when my parents wouldn't be able to do so.

That is the one among the 5, excluding my parents, who raise and see me up until I go into elementary.

And he survived to see me through high school, foundation and even when I came here for university.

Thanks for everything my love and this al Fatihah I send with you to the grave..

*************************************************************************

a post, without a picture, just memories.

just like the place that out of reach, we only hold to the memories.

Sihat Sebelum Sakit

There are 5 things before 5 things, and the above things are one of them.

I've survived my childhood pretty impressively, thanks to the jabs of vaccines.

Throughout elementary, I only got scratches and gastric.

In high school, I got yearly high temperatures, of which I coped by going under the duvet for the whole day and got up kicking and healthy after the whole day.

Thus, I don't really appreciate being healthy that much.

When I went to the foundation programme, the high temperatures was no more a yearly affair.

I was ill 3 times in the span of 12 months.

Having been in this 4 seasons country for nearly 2 years and a half, I've been delighted to the fact that I survived the winter without flu and fever and survived the spring without any allergic reactions.

I go into the hospital, make visits to countless patients and go to CT and an operation to remove stones from pancreatic duct.

It finally gets me, about being healthy before being the other opposite.

Plus that 1 month that saw me flashing a casted hand, I couldn't be more thankful that I still get to use both of my hands.

Few days before Christmas, I was bedridden for almost a week.

The first day, which is also the worst day, I was alone since the other 3 were in Poland.

I couldn't for the life of me gets up of the bed and text anyone to bring me some food and pills. Not until the sky got dark after some time.

And when I thought I can now go on the ergometry this Friday, I got another fever and bouts of cough attacks. and the air is ever so dry. great!

(note to self : buy a humidifier afterwards)

In times like these, you get to really perceive and live in the post title.

Being ill has its own advantage ~ it tells you health is one of those things that you can't buy.

Oh, and on another note, something at the airport touched my heart and makes me more grateful that I'm still healthy.

When I was gathering my stuff after going through the body check, I saw a man being body-checked.

In particular, his hands.

They are obviously trembling.

I can tell that it has got nothing to do with the body check.

It's something that has gone wrong. Something to do with his nervous system.

In years to come, it'll become worse.

~~~~~~~~~~

May I be bestowed with prolonged health and will always be grateful for it.

Till then, stay healthy!

Tag Dari Cik Olivia

Person who tagged : Olivia Chin
Starting time : huh?

Name : an Arabic for Grace
Full name : highly PNC
Sibling(s): 3
eye colour : iris hitam bak bidadari =p, sclera putih dicemari garis merah
Shoe size : 8 saiz Malaysia (sebab saya anak Malaysia)
Height : 167-168 cm
What are you wearing right now : superficially ~ hair band, hoodie and training pants
Favourite number : 9
Favourite drink : laici!!!!!!!
Favourite month : December, because that's when I was born and it's when we start the recollection of the year
Where do you live : in a dowry town somewhere in Bohemia
Hair : rest assured, I'm not bald, yet
Favourite breakfast : it depends

Have you ever
Broken a bone : nope, I broke 2 bones instead
Been in a police car : nope but I'be been in police tank
Fallen for a guy/girl in a short period of time : mungkin pernah
Fallen asleep in school : certainly yes
Broken someone's heart : I think Dr Krs did it for me and Neo during our dissection of the cadaver back in 2009
Cried when someone died : yeah, because they are dear to me
Swam in the ocean : yonks ago
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : nope, I always pick sleep first
Saved e-mails : isn't it automatically done
Been cheated on : if you count all the tests and exam, I think many hundreds, or even thousands of people cheated. it's as same as cheated on the other participant

What
Your room look like : cosy enough and homey enough
What is right beside you : books!!!!
What is the last thing you ate : tic tac

Ever Had
Chicken pox : mak said I did
Sore throat : of course you dope, I've been living for 21 years
Stitches : never

Do You
Believe in love at first sight : heard of it but never give a thought about it
Like picnics? : I do!!!!!!like the ones we used to have in my childhood hometown.

Who
Who did you last yell at? : I've been a good girl that I don't really remember about it
Who was the last person you danced with? : I don't dance with, I dance for
Who last made you smile? : I smile a lot I don't remember when is the last time

Final Questions
What are you listening to right now? : someone in the kitchen sorting stuff
What did you do today? : I do a lot of things, obviously
Are you the oldest? : eldest child in my family
Indoors or outdoors? : I'll take both

Last person who
You talked to on the phone ? : Aina, pi letak teloq kat luaq.nanti dia tegak sebab gerhana. *or something like that*
Made you cry? : I rarely cry.mostly I cried because of pressure of the responsibility
You went to the mall with ? : many people
Who cheered you up ? : many people

Have you
Been to Mexico ? : no
Been to USA ? : tak

Random
Have a crush on someone? : I have crush on many people
What books are you reading right now? : no book
Best feeling in the world? : when u feel grateful
Future kids name? : I'll see to this when I bore a child
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : I don't put them on my bed
What's under your bed? : puzzles
Favourite sport (s) : swimming
Favourite place : nature
Who do you really hate? : I despise the behaviour not the people in whole
Do you have a job? : I'm paid to study, how's that?
What time is it now? : 543 pm
With however long it took you to complete this, post as " banyak tanya betul!" and tag 15 people not tagging anyone