The Last of My Loves, Now, Gone

The not so good week indeed has not passed.

Just when I'm recovering from the fever, I woke up today to a news, Tok Ndak was called to be with Him.

The last of my loves.

And the only one whom I can't see being prepared for the funeral, the only one who I miss the chance to put rose petals in between the white sheet.

I sent the other four nicely.

I stayed with their bodies before they were packed.

Some of them, I even went to see them off into the grave itself.

The other four left when I was small.

Yes people, I learned of the death at the age of 7.

In the span of 2 years, I lost 4 of my treasured ones.

Life totally have been different afterwards.

It is for me and I know it is for my parents and Nazri too.

When already 3 loves went away, there were just TokNdak and TokTeh.

I recall riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle along those snakey road from Batu Feringghi to Teluk Bahang, and counting who's next in the line.

It had been too tiring for a small me, all those funerals and all those lost loves.

I just know that another one is going to be fetched.

And so he was fetched also.

And Tok Ndak continued to live alone.

Tok Ndak is the one whose life unfurled before my eyes, or maybe the final 1/3 of his life must I say?

I saw him turning from a healthy man into the ones taking many medicine for the aching muscle, from someone who's able to take care of himself to the one who knows nothing, from a mobile one to bedridden.

Watching him, it has teaches me alot. The kind of lesson that only few would have the chance to experience.alhamdulillah.

I had always visit him when he was repairing his net.

Thus, I can proudly point out that the surgeon in the video is sutuing like a fisherman repairing the net, just to be clarified as so by the lecturer.

I know I should be happy that he finally has his much needed sleep.

But I am allowed half an hour of tears am I not?

That is the one who bought me my formula when my parents wouldn't be able to do so.

That is the one among the 5, excluding my parents, who raise and see me up until I go into elementary.

And he survived to see me through high school, foundation and even when I came here for university.

Thanks for everything my love and this al Fatihah I send with you to the grave..

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a post, without a picture, just memories.

just like the place that out of reach, we only hold to the memories.