Authentic Tom Yum

On the way back from Basel, I uncovered the secret to the ever so delish, steaming tom yum.
Typically me, I discussed food with the Thai friend that I made in Freiburg.
And I asked her how to make a real tom yum because I can taste the difference between the real thing and the messily copied ones.
The first sentence, which also is the backbone to good tom yum is nothing that I want to hear. The base soup for tom yum

Gambar sekadar hiasan

People, the secret to authentic tom yum is to boil pork bone, preferably, for a day. It's like the most basic thing to make the yummy spicy and sour tom yum.
And all this while I think the safest is to order the seafood tom yum.

When I told my friend about our food restriction, her expression overdid mine. She knows what does it mean when I say I don't eat pork.
At least now, I can go to Thailand and have her to show me good and halal Thai food to eat.
And you also know where to and where not to order tom yum.

*pengsan*

Wheel

7 years ago, someone's background is said to be too good for you.
At present, your achievement is too good for someone.
And for all I know, we should always remember that worldly things are just, mortal.

To Believe

I am the one who doesn't believe unless I've experienced it myself.
People keep saying opposite attracts but I never believe that. But Allah showed me how strong the attraction is and for the first time in this department, I see my limit and alhamdulillah, overcome it.

Everyone has their own guilty pleasure. Mine used to be sleeping. And food is still my guilty pleasure. I used to wonder how people eat just to fill the stomach, I mean where's the joy of it? and is it really possible to be tired to the point of eating is not a priority anymore.
I'm surprised when I discover that now I prefer bretzel smeared with chive cream and stuffed with lettuce and tomatoes rather than 3 course meal. I couldn't believe myself that I have evolved.
Even so when I was totally flat out from work that I only ate tomato salad and buncis goreng for iftar and was too tired to eat the rice and gulai lemak salmon. To make things more interesting, I even missed sahur and was running around the ward the next day totally not hungry.

It's wonderful how in a span of one month, I was brought to face my limits, and realise that I can break through the ceiling and advance beyond those. It sure has been one great ride and I am glad I took on this journey.

Renungan

I know that woman has to cover up and all but we already lost the aim if the man doesn't lower their gaze.
Like seriously, since I have been here, I get it more why doing both things are important.
And I just have the idea to wear a fake wedding ring.
It's that bad.
Covering up has somehow preventing you from being harassed (yes, it's such a strong word I know) but still is not suffice to prevent man from craptalking to you.

Most Memorable 1st Ramadhan

Today is a milestone in my celebration of 1st Ramadhan.
Instead of having sahur with family/friends, I had a bowl of bihun sup, while skyping with my mom.
Having to be doing something all day, I don't feel hungry or thirsty at all. Maybe it's partly due to the weather.

I am so happy when Aida asked to go to Tarawikh on Saturday evening. I mean, I am not tarawikh person but if I have friends, why not?
And most interesting of all, I was in the scrub inside operation room from before iftar until shortly before subuh. For the first time, I watched and is so lucky o have the chance to assist a heart thumping operation. Yes people, we rarely get tense moment like what they show on medical dramas.

And I excuse myself in the afternoon to go to the Oriental supermarket here. The air was festive, they stock on lotsa vegetables and poultry. If I am to visit around this time before, the fresh goods aint as abundant. Eventhough it's aint as seductive as Malaysian bazar Ramadhan, I had hard time to resit buying baklava.

Thank you Allah.

Orang Buta

Saya pernah ada seorang datuk. Saya memanggilnya Tok Appa. Tok Appa yang saya kenal ialah seorang yang buta. Masa kami suntuk. Diisi dengan nasihat dan cerita zaman Jepun.

Di Prague tempoh hari, ada seorang perempuan buta di Tesco MyNarodni. Tempat itu penuh padat dengan sardin. Perempuan buta itu memanggil-manggil pertolongan dengan suara berdesibel rendah, namun masih boleh didengari. Seorang pejalan kaki mendengar permintaan perempuan buta itu lalu menghulurkan tangan meringankan beban. Hati saya tersentuh. Dua orang yang langsung tidak mengenali, tangan mereka bertaut rapat merentasi jalan yang agak sibuk. Untungnya perempuan buta itu, dirinya menjadi sumber manusia untuk mengaut pahala. Bukan senang meminta bantuan orang lain sebab belum tentu orang akan ikhlas membantu. Untungnya orang yang memimpin perempuan buta itu kerana dia ada 2 bola mata yang berfungsi, yang dapat digunakan bukan sahaja untuk kebaikan diri sendiri malah dapat menolong yang lain. Untungnya 2 orang ini, dapat memberi contoh yang baik untuk yang lain. Semoga mereka dipimpin terus masuk syurga. Tidak lupa kepada watak sampingan yang bersidai di sisi kedai lorong Narodni Trida yang terus mengalih posisi bila mendengar libasan tongkat di batu jalan.

Kini saya di Freiburg, bandar mesra alam. Kalau di Czech, nisbah anjing bersaiz serigala kepada anjing bersaiz mini ialah 1:20, di sini nisbahnya ialah 10:1. Disebabkan saya telah membeli tiket bulanan yang berharga hampir 50 Euro, saya suka hati perut menggunakan pengangkutan awam seboleh mungkin. Hari itu di atas tram, saya berjumpa seekor anjing bersaiz serigala. Damai, mata kuyu, merehatkan kepala di atas dua kaki hadapannya. Sejuk hati tengok anjing tu. Tengah mengusha anjing itu, saya baru terperasan yang anjing itu sakit sebab dia ada "neck and shoulder braces". Usha lagi dahsyat, baru perasan simbol yang tertera. Oh, anjing yang khas dilatih untuk orang buta. Pandang perempuan bersama anjing itu. Oh, dia buta. Muka dia pandang terus ke depan, berpakaian kemas. Sampai di hentian Hauptbanhof, perempuan itu menarik tali anjing berkenaan dan meraba kepada palang braces. Anjing itu bangun menjalankan tugas, memimpin perjalanan perempuan itu. Semasa kecil, anjing bagi saya ialah bontot terkeluar, suka hambat orang dan kurap. Bila di universiti saya fikir beberapa spesies anjing adalah comel. Sekarang saya fikir, anjing itu hanya najis pada air liur dia. Dan bila pertama kali jumpa anjing untuk orang buta, rasa macam kena sepak pun ada. Tiba-tiba terus teringat kisah haiwan di atas bahtera nabi Nuh dan anjing ashabul kahfi yang dijanjikan syurga.

Terima kasih Allah ciptakan orang buta, orang sempurna pancaindera dan anjing.

Raw Honesty

People who know me know that I am pretty much straightforward to the point of cruelty. But I guess they gonna change the term cruelty once they deal with the Germans.

I guess I am a straigthforward person but Germans prove me wrong. If they have problem with you, they will take it out in your face, no feeling spared. If you think my words hit you like a truck or bullet, believe me, Germans' are like torpedo. If you luckily survive my honesty, you'll not survive German's.

Yesterday after morning meeting I asked the doctor if I can go and watch surgery and she gave me her green light so I went straight into operation room after getting the permission. I came back 4-5 hours later and excitedly told my fellow intern how interesting the surgery was. What follows is totally unexpected. I was practically speechless, which is a rare sight. He straightforward told me that 

~I should do the blood taking with him

~there's a lot of patient and he is going around doing everything, blood taking and ECG by himself and he still haven't finished things

~if my name is on the operation schedule, it's alright to go straight to OT but if not, I should do the work first

~he also wants to watch the surgery but because I left him with all the works..

he kept telling me those in the span of 5 minutes and he really made sure that I get it that I am totally at fault and he is pissed off. In one tone. 

And to clarify things

~on Friday, I, who only started taking patient blood independently since Tuesday did all the blood takings except for 1-2 difficult patients and did all the ECGs

~on Monday, which is the day of the event, a new intern came. And when I was finishing the blood taking, she was doing cannulation on one patient that's in our ward. Question? Why didn't she help him?

Conclusion, it was partially my fault and I was not onsiderate. Come to think of it, I didn't even think about it.

And let us look at what happened today

Yours truly name came up to scrub in for surgery. It's written in the operation schedule. And I believe no other German has a set of name like mine. So, I went to fetch the compression sock because I don't want to make a scene in the OT and change. I walked into the new intern and second surgeon as I enter the scrub room and said hi. No conversation ensued and I proceed to scrub in as they went into OR. The head surgeon came into the scrub room and spoke German to me. I can make out "Which operation are you in?". He actually caught up that there are 2 interns. I entered the OT and found out the intern is already in the surgical gown and was told by the second surgeon that it's not possible to have 4 people and I can watch from the anesthesiology side if I want. I was totally upset and flaming but logic win when you don't want it to. Logic is the intern is already gowned and it's not appropriate to kick her aside. But thinking back, it's not logic, it's just manners. I went to the anesthesio side and took my time to gain my composure. When I knew that there's no way I can be in the OT without seething at those 2, I went back into the scrub room and telling the head surgeon about the situation and how it's better to help my fellow intern to do blood takings and stuff. He told me that I have to discussed things but my head is telling me that it's not appropriate to kick someone who already scrub in so I say I'd just go.

Things went downhill from that point on. I had difficulty taking blood from 2 patients. Don't even get to see cannulation so that I can do it on my own afterwards. All the patients who needed blood taking and ECG are  somewhere else but in the ward. Doctors are busy with their stuff to mind me. Can't access the internet. Can't even see the operation schedule. And in the middle of taking blood together, a call for intern to help in OT came and my fellow intern just decided that he's going because he didn't get to see operation yesterday~. To think that I was being partially considerate of him when I decided to leave the OT earlier on. So I ended up with holy Quran, from which I extracted few Arabic words to learn and found few verses which I really like. Especially th one about Yahya bin Zakaria, who's whole life was blessed and was a cherished servant of Allah. I then went back and forth until 2pm, by which I can't take it anymore since no doctor is around. I went to the nurse and inform her that I'm going home. 

My day today.

To make up for crappy day, I met with the girls and comb part of the old town. You should know how happy I am shopping for mascara with Emina. Since my make up knowledge is abysmal, Emina taught me how to apply mascara and how to look for a full mascara tube. We came out of the store, both sporting thicker and longer lashes. Emina also told me that I should just wrestle my spot if someon take it, reminding me about the German attitude. That is if they have issue with you they'll say it in your face and you should also do the same. So now I am considering to see the intern, tell her that she took my spot and I expect her to pay that back with her spot. German or Malaysian way?That will remain to be seen.

Twins

I sometime get jaelous of my mom. Because she has a sister and I'm always envious of sisters relationship. Even so,Allah bestows me with 2 brothers who love me unconditionally to make up for the sister that I don't have.

Strangers and kids have problem to differ my mom and her sister. Both of them posses mole of the similar size on the same location on the left side of their cheek.

When we were small, my brother who was then very antisocial (always wanting my mum to be near) came into the kitchen and grab my aunt's kaftan caliing out "mak". The shock expression of my adorable brother and how my aunt responded are still fresh in my mind.

I love them all. My family. For the first time in the span of more than 10 years long, I am finally thinking to settle down in the company of the people who love me the most in the world. =)

Jantung

I was very happy when the surgeon asked if I want to help (read:scrub in)
I happily agreed eventhough I know my condition doesn't permit me to assist totally.
Glad I took the chance anyway.
Got to pull gently on the aorta when the surgeon is suturing the superior vena cava for cardio-pulmonary bypass.
The feeling is really amazing. I can feel every gush of blood from the beating heart running through the aorta. The slippery aorta agaisnt my gloved fingers.
And even more amazing when I hold the beating heart. I mean, it's a freaking beating human heart. So, that is what it feels to hold someone heart. I have to pull it gently towards me and can't put too much pressure on it.
I pressed quite hard and the surgeon corrected me. The heart, if i have to compare, is like a filledballon, a beating balloon. I finally experienced the concern to hold a beating human heart, to not put too much pressure on it, to pull it close to you so that it won't get hurt and most of all, to be really cautious as to not crush the heart. Ah, only if I can take care of human feeling like I do on the beating heart. It's really a feat to take care of the thing that's out of reach from all five senses.

The Reality

My day at the department starts as early as 730 am but I made sure that I came at least 10 minutes earlier.
It starts with meeting conducted fully in German. It's really German to me (read: I understand nothing). You will only know the feeling of being the only one in the meeting room not understanding what people are talking about if you are standing in my shoes. You feel totally left out and like and idiot. So, to make things better, I read the cases presented (which I later print out and ask Xavier/google translator/GermanWikipedia to translate what I don't understand) and turn my head towards anyone that's speaking in the room.

I then proceed to follow the doctor doing round, which usually takes 2 hours or so. Since Xavier came, I feel quite relieve because he's nice enough to translate for me. Done with ward round, we do blood taking. I still need someone to come with me because my skill has just started since a week ago and here, they put the patient name as invisible as possible on the bedrail.

If I have to/want to go to surgery, I'll dash for the compression sock, then to the filter room before going into the operation theather. I am practically the only intern, so I pester anyone I want in the OR. The anesthesiologist to explain me about the drugs they use and the radiologist. I usually will stand on the stool on anesthesist's site to see, ahem, surgeons' hand and instruments most of the time. If I'm brave enough I'll just shoot questions. The source of bravery?
1. no question is a stupid question.only stupid answer.
2. at least I know nobody is gonna label me Yahudi

Usually I'll go get quick lunch around noon and check out the board in the doctor's room. Sometime surgery ended beyond 1pm. On the board is written things that intern can do
1. ECG. basically you wheel in the machine into the room, stick on the ECG stickers, connect them to the electrode that goes like traffic light (black on R foot, red on R hand, yellow on L hand, green on L foot and the other chest electrodes), get the reading recorded on the 3 pieces of paper, disattach everything, get out and stick patient identifying sticker on the ECG. Since my ECG analysis is mediocre, I keep my analysis result to myself.
2. Cannulation.We also can do cannulation, which I have never tried on patient. The female doctor was nice anough to be the guinea pig when I was practising it, which I failed to cannulate eventually =(

And then the kingdom of boredom takes over. The doctors are either in the room engaged in administration works or nowhere to be seen. Even if I tried to find something to do, always there's nothing to do. So I resorted to deplete the suture stock by practising suturing or look up medically related things that I don't know.

Actually all of the staff are very nice. It just that I am still keeping my guard up, because I'm still attached to the strata observed back home and in Czech Republic. I forgot now and then to say please, greet, and say thank you. So you can say I am always on my toes, unsure and worry most of the time if I piss anyone. I guess this is out of comfort zone. Into my second week I've found my way, more or less. I print out the cases and study it, I try to to do something helpful to both me and the staff, asks more question, learn bits of German and pore on my surgical handbook, which I've never done before.

Today is a bit different. I got to scrub in. Their way is a tad bit different from Czech
"Ok, so Olive, have you ever scrubbed in before?" (kyaaa, he remember my name, my full given name. I'll be dead if he found out I dont even know his name)
"Wash your hands up to the elbow and pat it dry"
"Take the sterile sanitizer and slid it all over you forearm""
"No you head is too close to the sink"
"Yes you are doing good"
"don't keep you arms too high"
"no that's too low"
"Now up to the midforearm, 1 minute"
"The hand, take as much as you want, go through the sides of your fingers, the nails, like this"

I got to really assist the surgery. And seeing and feeling a bare thumping heart surely is fascinating. Even so when the surgeon is nice enough to explain and correct what's wrong and answer my questions. Both wrongs and rights are addressed so I don't feel lost. Holding the needle need a hang of it. I got few "this is not helpful" before I finally got "yes, this is good". I get to cut the suture and help to put the chest  drainage tubes. When closing the sternum, I was taught and made to clamp the wire and turn it around and suck the blood on the side where the surgeon is double fortifying and also to cut off the wire, which is quite tricky because the last time I twiddle with plier was 8 years ago in KH project. And the doctor showed me how to suture subcutaneously and watched if my first suture is right or not. Hold the scalpel like you are holding the pen otherwise medical pros know you are pathologist in an OR. As I struggle with reattaching the needle the comfortable way in the needle holder, he said exactly what I feel ~ everything is in your way, it's bleeding too much etc. He capped it off with saying that he hopes it was helpful for me. Obviously it was helpful. The most I got to do before is holding a laparoscope!

I hope things get better and better and I can be someone useful in the department.

From Their Side

Alhamdulillah, I've been reminded and told about things by the people I meet here. New knowledge is precious but I found out finding more about what I believe is even more rewarding.

For one, I always know that I want to visit Makkah and Madinah. But Chris is telling me about the security system built in Makkah and he really knows more than I do about that holy city. Then I watched a documentary about it in Youtube. Watching the real deal about Hajj, in addition to the must-do things in Haj, I learned how hectic it was, how demanding which brings me to finally realise that one of my priorities of priorities is sending my parents to Hajj as soon as I could afford to, because one important thing to consider is health. Because not only people from your country is going to Hajj, but million others do in a span of 1-2 weeks and the most important days are concentrated into less than a week. It impress me how a conversation with someone who totally have different belief from me brings me to this.

And then there are these Muslims friend of mine who unfortunately, don't have the privilege to know  Arabic abjad. From where they come from, people mostly doesn't respect the religion anymore and Muslims are eating pork and stuff. It flutters my heart when Mina says "ah look, they even have prophet Isa here" pointing at the glass window showcasing the figures, one of them is baby in a cot. My heart beamed when Mina and Ida said that they want to learn the Arabic abjad. And this evening while we were chilling by the river, they want to know about the 99 names of Allah because they don't remember it. I shall send them asma ul husna, may Allah ease their intention inshaallah. Then Mina asked about the names of the angels on each side of our shoulders that record our deeds, and surprise, I don't remember it. I have an inkling about their names ending in -tib.

For these I thank Allah for sending me them so that I am reminded of things that I forget and learn new things about my religion. =)

Pictures at an Exhibition

Music people should have an inkling about the title. It's composed by Muggorsky who went nuts. I went to the orchestra today and didn't fall asleep. I even recognize the sound of different instruments eventhough the last time I see orchestra is 6 years back. I think I heard some glitches. Maybe it's auditory hallucination. Maybe.

Anyway, let's not talk about the orchestra. It happens that I went through the pictures at an exhibition in real life. Exhibition by God. The one that stretches 1 hour before and during the orchestra. I walked through countless of people but the ones that left an impression were the kids below the flyover, just next to the concert hall, which is having decent people dressed nicely for the orchestra this evening.
The kids were sporting interesting hairdos ~ rooster's comb, skinny head etc. They were sitting there, lost in their on world. 2 metres away, against the wall, a couple were making out you could see clearly where and what the guy's hand is doing. I can't help but to have opinion about it. It's such a sad and empty feeling.Like how can people deteriorate to such extent. What really is their purpose of life?

As I sat and listens to the music, I mentally time travelled backward and back to the present time. Particularly about art/music people. I admire their passion and determination about what they ar doing. They are so involved with it. I wish I could have that sort of attachment to my supposedly way of life. I feel sorry for all of us in the hall. Also because of how people make time to listen to it. It's something that perplexes me. I guess if people can sit for hours and listen to something that's quite hard to decipher, it sure is possible to spend hours to listen to fellow human being.

Oh well, it not a really nice real exhibition I must say but sure it does play it role well. There's no other way I could reflect on such particular matter.

Patrotisme

I guess I am a patriotic person. Depends on how you define patriotic then.
I guess the most patriotic people is Norwegian. They print their flag everywhere but Jasmine thinks it's because Norwegian flag, especially the colour combination is the reason.
And then I've come across UK Indians that is patriotic.

Germany has the most interesting bits about patriotisme.
Bavarians consider themselves somewhat partially autonomus. They celebrate being Bavarian more than being a German.
Germany has 2 Red Cross Societies ~ Germany Red Cross and Bavarian Red Cross.
Given the history before the fall of Berlin Wall, the West part was known as GDR~German Democratic Republic.
Jasmin told me that people is not taught patriotism here. The only time you'll see Germany Patriotism is during big football happenings like EURO.
They don't flash their flag everywhere, only certain institution put the flag. Flashing flags can mean that you are pro Nazi.
Even more than that, they ditch the first 2 stanzas of their national anthem.

Bunga Melur

Today started with running lost in the apartment building. I was quite troubled because I know the meeting starts at 730am and I found my way out of the building at 720 am. I know the destination is just 5 minutes away and I also know that I can get lost again in the surgery department and I have to change. So I made a not so grand entrance into the meeting. The doctors were discussing in German and my German fluency is just guten tag, bitte, tschuss, danke schon. So I read the presentation that has many familiar words.

In the operation room is a 3 months old baby girl on the table for repair of VSD. Got the anesthesiologist explaining to me the drugs she gave to the baby. Saw the operation and the 1st assistant is kind enough to explained bit of this and that. Learnt nearly the hard way to keep my hand sticked onto my body. Saw the extracorporeal circulation. Saw the transesophageal echocardiography and guessed it right that there's tiny shunt. Helped push the baby into the recovery ICU. The ICU is maybe a bit over the top about locking. The lift and even the toilet is locked. In the OR there's this one of the many machine with a label on the wall behind it ~ this machine has no brain, use your own.

Met Jasmin, the bubbly 6th year. They have 4 exams, 2 of which they can choose the subject(applied only in Freiburg). She's going for Neurology and Anesthesiology but said she's thinking of specialising into neurology because anesthesiology means "Hi" and shortly after, "good night". Had lunch with my doctor and Jasmin. Talked about the weather, the Turkish supermarket in the city, the prospect of working as a doctor in Swiss, the animals especially the birds etc.

I was hanging around trying to get someone to give me job. It was quite sometime until Jasmin offered to supervise me in blood taking.
Things you need is
1. needles bin
2. tourniquet
3. sterilizer
4. swab
5. needle (butterfly for tricky vein)
6. syringe
7. tape
Prick faster and deeper because the part that hurt is when the needle is in the cutaneous layer.

Jasmin also translates the ECG with me and teaching me the tricks to it. I am ever so grateful.
Too bad I have to leave earlier else I can practise the blood taking on my guinea pig, Jasmin.
Through Jasmin, I remind my self about 2 types of edema, ptting edema in DVT and non pitting in lymphedema. Also how to be a good listener to the patient.

Done with hospital, I went through the campus and man, their Mensa. Oh their Mensa. It's like a restaurant in the zoo. With 80% see through glass, a big stream running next to it and shadowed by trees. Totally stole my heart.

Went to Old Town. Lotsa people there. Sport quite a number of foreigners and hijabis. Discover Migros and was going back and forth on the frozen seafood section. Was totally spoilt for choice (The effect of living in Hradec Kralove). Meet Jaime fo the first time. She's from the US and is on the research exchange. Think it's about colon cancer. Had Nordsee together and talk about things.

Took a super long way to get back to my place. Luckily I sported the hospital's stargate.

The History of Croissant

"I like croissant", I told Chris and Iva as we were sitting down for breakfast.
Chris was having cereal with milk and a half bowl of coffee.
Iva's with her muesli mixed with yogurt and a half bowl of tea.
And me having croissant, cream cheese with chives and a glass of apple juice.

"Where do you think croissant comes from?" asked Chris.
Obviously my answer is France. Hear the pronounciation~keghe-oa-zont
According to Chris, and he's not joking either, croissant originates from Austria.
Austrian bakers invented it to celebrate the defeat of Ottoman.
The catch is the shape of croissant, crescent moon, which is a symbol on the Ottoman flag.

I know a bit about the defeat.
I hold my own opinion about it.
Battle of Tours is somehow the important key.
Winning the battle means the essential road to spread the belief to European people.
But Ottoman lost the key and the spread of the belief stops there, temporarily.

Croissant role in my life will never be the same again. It will from now own be a good reminder to me.