Near Bedtime Routines

when in high school, more often than not, we are hungry.
that calls for prebedtime meal (meal, not snack)
eventhough there were quite a lot of food on offer, if u are not fast, u go to bed only smelling the smell from others'
the list
* Burger pak cik Halim straight from the carboot
* Varieties of nasi lemak Pak Ya, straight from the boot
* nasi tomato ayam masak merah
well, looking back, it's not so much
to make it even, we ordered nasi kandaq as well.
once the demand was pouring that the restaurant had to cook another batch of food
so all 200plus people who ordered got their nasi kandaq at 3 in the morning instead of 11.

in National Service, we went to bed at 11pm
PLKN has the ability to put everyone to sleep at 11pm once they put their head on the pillow.
My camp is hilly, huge and surrounded by palm estate and bushes mainly of rubber trees and malaria is an endemic, so mosquito net is a must.
I've never used mosquito net in my life and in no time, I get the hang to put in on and off (yeah, everyday, without fail)

In MSU, my range of freedom expand exponentially. But having 8 XXs under one roof calls for estrogen packed activity.
Prebed is often about going crazy before the camera with Liyana. Or drawing specific thing, because for people who lack artistic skill like us, that is sort of a therapy.

Wonder what tomorrow prebedtime routine will be.

OnG is quite interesting well except from learning about all types of deliveries.
It's so hard to understand obstretrics that the only thing that I really learned from it is that it sounds easy to make babies but so damn complicated to get the baby out.

All sorts of baby presentations
Position
Head circumferences
And umbilical cord get out of the way! We couldn't afford to have anything happens to you or else the baby won't stand a chance

Nak Kawin

Bismillah.
I guess if I can see colours emanating, I will see pink everywhere right now.
It seems like everyone is matching up, engaging or getting married.
Biggest happiness of 2012 ~my ancient bestfriend is getting hitched.
Though I cannot be there, my years of distance from many things has seasoned me.
I believe if I can't make it to their reeption, Allah sure will permit my prayer for them through the 7 skies.

"O my Lord, I ask for You to bless their marriage. Bestow them with children that obey You and obey them. Blessed their marriage and let them enter Jannah together. And bless me Allah, and let me enter Jannah and most of all, let us die with our faith in You living eternally.ameen."

Photo courtesy of Ima.

If I remember it correctly, we started to be in the same class when we enter 4th year in elementary. Things couldn't be better when she moved into the barrack next to my village house. Now there are 3 of us ~Ima, Syikin and me.
We would cycle to and from school everyday.
She on her mountain bike, me on my blue cruiser.
We'd discuss about anything those concern our lives during that time.
What I remember the most is our discussion about where to study for high school.
She's the one who told me about MRSM, but I was still holding to SBP.
And we both had the experience being chased by a crazy old man that took a liking to flashing his pack to the school kids.
We were competitive in class. She's good at running and coloring.
We'd practise netball together.
And at home, I would always go into barrack to play roundes.
We both loves running and in elementary, we ran cross country through the Chinese cemetery, across the quarters of PBA and back into school.
Once, a boy took a liking to both of us, of which we really were icky about it. We were kids and there's no room for love in our dictionary.
One of our science project called for us to make pickled fruits. I remember we brought the cut up papayas and mangoes to school.
Her sister would always go to the fence and called out "Nolina" No 1 harkat, li 2 harkat na 6 harkat.
She's the one who taught me how to make fritters.
It was of flour, bits of salt, egg and chives.
Once, me, Ima and Syikin was doing our school project. Something to do with traditional wedding. we were cutting magazines when an almost drowned kids came into the compound. shortly after, a body was brought over. To be witnessing such a young girl lifeless in front of us.
When her mother gave birth t the youngest kid, she was honoured to give the name.
We went to Perpustakaan Desa and pored over books finding the nice ones out.
I remember that the requirement is that the name shall start with A. Aina was among the choices and the girl was named Athirah.
When UPSR result came out, we both rejoiced for we both were the ones who scored straght A's but mine was shortlived after I found out I got 2 for science practical.

Post-UPSR

I was overjoyed when I found out that we both got the offer to SMSTSSS.
It really makes up for the fact that my family is moving in November 2001. Moving means not seeing her anymore but going to the same school means 5 years more with her. =)
Syikin has always been the soft one and me the tough cookie. I guess with my ego, we got spaced apart since we were in form 2.

We registered for 1st intake.
Went through highs and lows of orientation weeks, which actually mostly is consisted of lows.
We went to find for canteen after registration only to be lost in the boys blocks.
Since all juniors must greet seniors, we greet ALL seniors, girls and BOYS. Got warning afterwards.pfft.
However, it seems like beginning of high school is beginning of our distance.
We are in different dorm, although actually she's just next to mine.
While I was in 1 Sarjana, she's in 1 Intelek, which is also next to my class.
As for houseroom, she's Delima, the victorious house, while I was in Zamrud, the underdog house.
Adapting to high school is so hard that I was always crying and scared and at the same time forgot, that I can always run to her. Things were just so confusing during my first yer of high school.
My bestfriend during that year is a fellow dormmate. I never know how did she cope the first year. Gotta ask ey!
As fate unrolls itself, my bestfriend left me because I was too busy with band.
And became bestfriend with Syikin.
Syikin and I don't do meals together.
I walked with others to school.
Eventhough my highschool days are coloured brightly by the people around me, Syikin is always in the picture,not bold, but there. and for that, thank you Allah.
If there's one thing that brings us together, it's track and field team.
I never realised it back then, of which now I do. Our friendship clung on to our running practises during those  years. I am really glad for that. we would be running like the old days, like we have never been spaced apart.



When we were finally put together in 4 Bestari, she's already comfortable with my ex bestfriend and me with my bunch of gregarious friends.
It's not until form 5 that we sit next to each other.
All the while, I had hints that she's in courtship but I never take it seriously. I am sorry that I was not there for her during high school. Not for her love matters but for the tough moments as a boarders. Everyone that has gone through residential school should have an inkling of what I am talking about.
Now that I think of it, I should have taken a picture with her during the annual dinner and during graduation night.

The one who hold my hand when I was crying during the result anouncemenet is not her.I am not sure if she was in the hall. Like elementary, we graduated from the same class in high school. But we were not the same as we were in elementary.



I didn't know that she went to Canada until I saw her picture.
We got closer after she was infected with TB before the end of her course there.
That summer, she came into my house in Bayan Lepas for the first time. My mom treated her like the good old days. It felt like I found my bestfriend back because she slept over and we just talk about our high school days, her le man and my days abroad deep into the night.

I didn't have a chance to see her this summer, but she made a phone call (or was it me returning her call?idk.doesn't matter which one), a lengthy one. She broke the news that we know is coming. She's getting married.
My silly response ~ did u manage to give your parents RM500 each every month then? ~ hehehehe.because the requirement for her to get married is that.
I am so very happy for you Syikin. so very happy.
Although I said that I will try my best to be there, circumstances wont allow it. I will send you my prayers and may He grant my prayers, ukhti.
I hope you will forever be my ancient bestfriend.

How about me you ask?
Of course I want to get married.
Just don't push me for it, if you are not paying for it AND if you are not going to be there when things get tough for me.
For now, I have no idea who I will be married to and when is that going to happen.hihihi

Paediatrics

I was recently rounding in paediatrics dept. The conclusion shall be
* I finally know how to hold infant. Slip ur hand under the arm to the back of the head.you'll support both the head and neck this way. You other hand slip in between the legs so that you thumb is placed on the inguinal and your other fingers rounding the back part
* baby's poop is super smelly. Which brings me to discover that I still lack the skill to clean it.
* worse is I don't even know how to tape the disposable napkin together. Unthinkable, I know. You should've seen the horror on my face during that time.
* give me infants or talking kids ONLY

Tuan Rumah

Keluaq dari restoran dengan perasaan tak puas hati sebab kena bayaq extra 30kc untuk minuman. Bertembung dengan tuan rumah dan isteri beliau yang riang gembira berjalan menghayun tangan yang berpegangan. Oh ya!mereka warga tua. Sang suami bersut dan sang isteri berkot musim sejuk. Dalam perjalanan pulang dari menonton teater mungkin.

Dengan nada mesra dan ceria
"Ha!!!apa kamu buat di sini?"
"sudah malam kamu sepatutnya berada di rumah"
sambil mengetuk-ngetuk jam tangan beliau
"balik rumah!balik rumah!"

Saya pun cakap ya saya nak balik la ni.
Mereka mengucap selamat tinggal dan meneruskan berjalan riang gembira sambil menghayun kembali pegangan tangan di sejuk musim luruh.
Hati rasa gembira punya tuan rumah yang baik hati dan mengambil berat.
Serasa sepicing kasih arwah2 atuk nenek dari mereka berdua.
Semoga Allah memberkati mereka dan memberkati saya.

ONG

We are on ONG rotation this week. Today on urodynamic testing

Dr : So, what type of urinary incontinence that you know about?
Student : problem with the penis
awkward silence.because the question is serious while the answer is honest aka a total disengagement from reality.
Dr jokingly said : we are in ONG department. I don't want to see penis. I see only my own penis *gesture to the part*

Photo for illustration. Not associated with the above story.

Kiss Kiss

30 something students were sitting/nodding/sleeping/dreaming in a neurosurgery lecture that seems will not have any break.
The class is a comfortable one with glass wall.
The last 15 minutes of the lecture, we got a full view of 2 Czech students kissing and hugging.
I don't know if they have any idea that the glass is see through. But then, knowing that they are Czech, I guess they don't mind kissing in front of a tense class.

Class Get Together

Noel suggested that we have class potluck and it gets materialised this evening.
I brought bubur jagung. This year, I've turned into someone who makes quick, easy and tasty recipe. Well maybe the part about being tasty need verification =p.

So what we have are
from Malaysia : chicken rendang, fried meehoon, currypuff, bubur jagung, vege crackers
from Kurdishtan : basmati toppe with red berry, basmati+potato slices, gravy with snake beans and chicken chunks
from Pakistan : black+yellow dhal, mashed potatoes with scrambled egg
from Spain : spanish omelette
from Russia : chocolates!
and FROM BOTSWANA : COCA-COLA

I have a liking for the energy of Spanish people. I am yet to encounter a Spanish that's not friendly. and their energy is infectious.

Thanks Allah we played a very fun game. Well if I have to compare it to previous game of stuffing soda powder followed by drinking mineral water/vodka and shaking your head...(actually they are not comparable, the latter is not even a game)
We played pictionary.
Basically we divided into 2 groups and write 15 words each.
The other team had to draw
1. shortcut
2. responsibility
3. thesaurus
4. incarnation
5. alginate
6. vestibulosusahnakeja

And we had to draw
1. ballet
2. inception
3. preserverance
4. War of the world
5. i don't remember OMG am I senile?

Anyway, I shouted a lot. I think I am the loudest.
On a side note, I think I am more tactful nowadays. Living with so many people from different cultural background do that to me.
Our class is made of people with a big spectrum of interest, so to be together is once in a blue moon.

Kudos to Noel for the initiative. Otherwise I would have lost my marble from extreme boredom on this weekend.

Sabar

Living in Europe generally and Czech Republic especially as someone who abstains from drinking alcohol requires you to answers the same questions over and over again.

To be honest, I am not curious at all to try them.

And I have forgotten to tell people something.

That I actually can drink wine. To be more specific, I will be offered wine of the top quality that's out of this world. Wine for me. That is if only I make it into the heaven.

When Islam comes, it bans wine because the cons outweighs the pros. Analogically, you can think of it like banning sweets and candies from a kid who has caries. It takes a lot of effort to restrain from enjoying what you really love.

So Allah promised the Muslims wine in heaven. The kind(s) that don't give you bad hangover or make you pink in the face/act silly. It takes a lot a patience and faith  because ignoring what you really want for a long time is beyond hard. So the reward has to match the obedience shown.

So to the very pious of Muslims, the worldly objects of desire are nothing. They can give until they have none more because they know in the immortal Hereafter they will be rewarded far better and in multiples.

Setting

Like usual, this one popped out in my head out of nothing.
I just realised that I was groomed in beautiful places.
It's not like everyone get that.

Most of my days before starting formal education was spent in Batu Feringghi, which, back in those days is starting to get spotlight from outsiders. So you can say the beauty is not yet demolished.

Then all the 89 born kids had to register for elementary.
My alma matter is a bicycle ride away. Smacked right next to the forest.
Boys would sometimes go south into the forestry to dip in the pools.
Our cross country includes running through the chinese cemetery perched on the hill and a view of Teluk Bahang Dam. Not forgetting the rolling hills right left back as the backdrop.
Our teachers are exceptional ones, so we were among the top school in 3K competition.
I had the opportunity to pick veges from the science garden, sneaking onto the small island in the middle of wade pool, hunting grasshopper on the school field and reading al fresco.
We had several neatly kept rock gardens, corridors bursting with colourful boards loaded with informations and countless trees as shades when it get too hot ~don't forget the place is named Telok Bahang and it does live up to its name.

3 Hijau 1998

My high school is a notch up from elementary. After all, it's a boarding school.
Although our girls quarter corridor faced withering houses, beyond the dorm door and on the top bunk, you can always catch the view of Bukit Mertajam.
If one big field is not enough, we had another small ones made like a theathre.
I like how Pondok Ilmu is cosy.
I love the pinang trees lining the road from our main entrance.
And although I super rarely was there, I think the rows of benches next to the security is the best place of all.
Being few decades old, the ground is dotted with big trees and potted plants.
The flora is not properly maintained but then it's not an eyesore.
The boards are taken up by societies, mostly boasting unfunctional hierrachy.
On the Geography board, we would write nonsense thing like typhoon on Monday and flooding on the day before.
We had rambutan, mangoes and tamarind trees on the school ground.

Cleaning the area of welcome board. 2006.

To be continued ~~ Kem PLKN Bukit Besar, MAIS

Ayaq Nyoq

My dad is generous to me. He'd come home with loads of tropical fruits. I on the other hand is a fruit machine. And my favourite fruit is rambutan. I am an opprtunist, so I always get my dad to peel them for me.

Picture this :
Someone who looks closely like the Buddha minus the skin colour is peeling the hairy fruit aided by a knife. With the big plastic bags containing rambutan on one side, the bowl for peeled rambutan in front of him and the trash bin on the other side. Also in the picture, someone whose identity is anonymous is either munching or having one hand dipped in the bowl.

Anyway the main character of this post is ayaq nyoq, not rambutan.
Dad bought 2 very young coconuts we called it nyoq beringuih. Roughly translated as the coconut with mucus.
Since we live in flat, dad can't go out and shiouuuu!shiouuu!shiouuu! (slices off the head of the coconut) and drain the water into the jug and then whack it into two to get the mucus.
So you get a Buddha like man standing and tackling the coconut. When I say tackling, I do mean it.
He flew the knife so many times and the shards flew in every direction. He's good at handling coconut. Only that doing it in a flat looks really out of place.

Anyway, this is what happened before he handle the coconuts.
Abah : go and get the pot.
Me : Hand abah a small pot

Abah : This is small. Get the plastic one in the cabinet.

 

Me : Here

 

 

Dad then proceed to whack the coconuts and I went to slice the pineapples and make my rojak.

After I'm done, I turned to this on the table.

Notice the ratio of the coconut water to the size of the jug.
Me : So, you only get that much?

Abah, I love you!

 

 

Nenas

Orientation :
In my world, there are 2 variants of pineapple ~ nanas bukit and the ordinary pineapple.
Ordinary pineapple is rather itchy to the mouth
Nenas bukit is juicy, and u can also eat the centre without having the feeling of wanting to scratch your tongue.
Between the two, nenas bukit is rather sporadic


Mom made laksa as per my request. The condiments includes pineapple as well. She use the ordinary one. I saved half of it with intention to make rojak.

Dad came home with 5 handfuls daun cenohom, 7 pieces of bunga kantan aka gingerbulb, sour,crunchy young mangoes and half of nanas bukit.
Told abah that I'll use the plain pineapple for rojak and save nanas bukit for snacking during the long hours of travelling tomorrow.

Abah : buat apa nanaih tu. bukannya sedap pon. tak makan pon takpa.
Me : Sampainya hati abah. Kecik hati mak dengaq.
And he proceeds to peeling his worthily edible nanas bukit because I lack the skill of peeling and de-eying the pineapples.
Being a fruit lover, I took a piece straight into my mouth.
Ngap!
It takes a second before my tastebud caught the bad taste.
The worthily edible nanas bukit turned out to be overripened.
I had to take it out of me mouth.
Glad that I am not partial to the superior nanas bukit.

My dad sure is an unintentional joker. It's such a shame that it'll be another few moons before I'll get to see him again, inshaallah.

Abah, I still love you despite your funny, childish personality in regards to food.

Pisang

My father loves papaya and banana. I suspect it's bacuse he has no more teeth left except one.
He'd bought like about 20 pieces of banana and finish it min within a day.

This particular day he bought quite a lot and the next day he brought all of them (yes, all of them) to his workplace. Then came back home with them (minus 4 or 5 pieces). Mom decided to make cokodok and whipped ALL of the bananas into the batter all member in our nucleus family know to leave 3 or 4 pieces for the big boss.

Dad asked whether mom used up all the bananas. To me. Not to mom.
You'd laughed until apneic if you had been there.
It makes mom looks like Angela in Rugrats and dad like someone who got his feeding bottle stolen from him.

Dear Classmates

1. If you are lazy to come for lecture/practical, don't ask me to sign your attendance. I don't do favour because one person is feeling lazy. Plus, make it so that the lecturer/doctor doesn't ask about why you are not coming to me. I am not your secretary. I can only be your secretary if you really have something important to do. Like you may say, it's your business whether you come or not, so don't make me mind your business.

2. The chair and desk are public to the students. Just because someone come later than you and your bundles of things, doesn't mean he or she can't take those just because you decide to put your things there. Priority should be given to the student. The things can surely have their own space, in the coat room/locker room.

Sincerely,
Ihavealreadyhadenough.

Eid Mubarak

I was blessed with high temperature running the whole 12am-6am, followed by pain in the joints and muscle. Am I prematurely aging or what?

The cough syrup kicked me off to slumberland only to be woken up by ridiculous banging on our front door. I couldn't do much but hand down the notes to them and off they went without any wish nor saying their thanks.

I woke up at 4pm, feeling better eventhough the joints still ache annoyingly. There are not that many kids circling in our flat, collecting money. A loss on my side =(. However, it's such a good opportunity to collect good points in my book written by Atid.

If the kids come and say salaam, it makes your heart swells. If they don't it's your opportunity to teach them to say salaam. You say it first, and then remind them to say salaam if they go to someone house after this.

I went to collect money myself when I was small and we were always depleted of our drinks before noon.
So I guess it's wise to ask them if they are thirsty or hungry and offer them food and drinks. This is the part of collecting duit raya that I cherished. It's the only time you invite strangers into your household and replenish them. If they are full, don't push down the drinks and food down their throat. As a kid I was threatened that if I don't drink and eat, I shall not get the money. It was humiliating so I am reminding myself to not do that now that I am on the other end of giving.

And one more thing that I realised today is that to ask them if they have prayed or not. If they haven't, offer them your place for them to pray. If they have already prayed or are delaying it, remind them to not miss their pray and about the benefit of hastening to pray.

Lastly, give them their deserved money. Nobody said thanks to me but one kid take my hand and said "Selamat Hari Raya". I was of course happy. If they don't you can say it first and teach them to say thank you if they don't seem to be practising it.

Remember the kids bring you a lot of opportunities of gaining good points that may help you in the future.
And when I shall have my own kids, I shall teach them all these things, inshaallah.

Huh?

In a span of one month, Germany get many huh? from me

1. During NSP, we went up this hill and the viewing tower on it. Then we climbed down. Then we were walking to dinner/student summer festivaL. Before we reach MENSA, we came into throngs of people walking and making noises. We naturally turned into busybodies and paparazzies.
The story goes like this. Person A ran over person B in what he said an attempt to protect himself. Person A is accused of being the extreme side. I don't remember is it left extreme or right extreme. But I remember that person A is accused to be neo-Nazi or sth like this. Person B luckily survived and they go to court. Person A, in turn of events wriggle his way out of any sentence. So people are making a demo to put him behind bars.

2. In less than 1 hour, we were still walking towards MENSA. Then we were diverted because we were walking straight into the area where they just found BOMBSHELL from WW2. Imagine going to die when you are thinking that you are going to dinner.

We survived the bombshell and went hiking in the Blck Forest they day after.

3. The only transport that is not punctual here is the ferry in Lake Constance aka Bodensee. Which means I got on the last strings of connection back to Freiburg. Someone jumped from the previous train so our train has to stop so that they can find that guy in the pitch dark. They found him. He broke his leg.

Ferry. Bodensee

My housemate expression.

4. Got free taxi ride from Basel to Freiburg. The driver obeyed the free speed limit offered in German.

5. Public display of attraction is rather scarce in quantity but rather intense in quality. They don't kiss a lot publicly like the Czechs. They do massage and some other type of PDA.

6. Stuttgart never get hails. at least never since Mercedes set up their base there. Loads of Mercedes automobiles are put under the sky so hail is a taboo. And to make hail never happened, they release something up the air into the clouds.

Learning Points : Surgery

1. when scrubbing, put your hand away from your body and your head away from your upper limbs

2. in time interval between finish of scrubbing and gowning. always put both hands together, and you upper limbs away from body in x- and z- axis and both the hands must be at chest level. No higer or lower than that if you don't wish to be looked down on

3. after you tie your gown, put both hands together on your belly. This is the only time I think having a protruded belly is an advantage

4. as a student most of your job during operation (heart surgery at least) are suction and holding the heart/instrument. Let start with the latter. Be forewarned that this holding business is something that lasts more than 5 minutes and the point is to not get anything in the way. Unfortunately, the chance of  having the instrument slipping from your grip is quite high, so you must have the skill of shrinking oneself and professionally switch the source of grip.

5. Suction. I learnt almost the hard way about suction. Basically in heart surgery you'll have 2 suction tubes. Unlike the metal ones, the plastic one will be available from the start until the end. Use the METAL one if it's available. USE the metal one until it stops sucking or until they say they have administered protamine sulphate into the system. Use it even though they squirt saline into the operation field.

6. when your hands are free sometime or all the time, put it on the patient. or use them to guard the instrument. never ever put them higher than the upper border of your breast base.

and if you are not scrubbed in, the most suitable place is on the anesthesiologist side. Never ever protrude your head or hands beyond the sterile drape. You can clip it with your hand and bring it down a little but your body part has to be before the drape.

Up the Mountain, Crossing the Water

This is my type of travel.

Visited impressive Mercedes museum.
Been to countless cathedrals.
Walked on many townsquares, which really, is only full of generic shops.
I've been to visit many cities just to come back tired and unsatisfied.

Crossing the Black Forest on a train.
Hiked up the foot of the mountain (I mean hike, not trekking) amidst the country smell (cows'turds)
Ascending at freakingly scary elevation while keep asking myself what have I put myself into.
But you know, when you look into the land and water, they sooth your heart in a way no man made stuff could ever do.

And I have come to a conclusion to be preferential of mountains, water, trees and beaches over cobblestone roads or dead, fragile buildings.

Authentic Tom Yum

On the way back from Basel, I uncovered the secret to the ever so delish, steaming tom yum.
Typically me, I discussed food with the Thai friend that I made in Freiburg.
And I asked her how to make a real tom yum because I can taste the difference between the real thing and the messily copied ones.
The first sentence, which also is the backbone to good tom yum is nothing that I want to hear. The base soup for tom yum

Gambar sekadar hiasan

People, the secret to authentic tom yum is to boil pork bone, preferably, for a day. It's like the most basic thing to make the yummy spicy and sour tom yum.
And all this while I think the safest is to order the seafood tom yum.

When I told my friend about our food restriction, her expression overdid mine. She knows what does it mean when I say I don't eat pork.
At least now, I can go to Thailand and have her to show me good and halal Thai food to eat.
And you also know where to and where not to order tom yum.

*pengsan*

Wheel

7 years ago, someone's background is said to be too good for you.
At present, your achievement is too good for someone.
And for all I know, we should always remember that worldly things are just, mortal.

To Believe

I am the one who doesn't believe unless I've experienced it myself.
People keep saying opposite attracts but I never believe that. But Allah showed me how strong the attraction is and for the first time in this department, I see my limit and alhamdulillah, overcome it.

Everyone has their own guilty pleasure. Mine used to be sleeping. And food is still my guilty pleasure. I used to wonder how people eat just to fill the stomach, I mean where's the joy of it? and is it really possible to be tired to the point of eating is not a priority anymore.
I'm surprised when I discover that now I prefer bretzel smeared with chive cream and stuffed with lettuce and tomatoes rather than 3 course meal. I couldn't believe myself that I have evolved.
Even so when I was totally flat out from work that I only ate tomato salad and buncis goreng for iftar and was too tired to eat the rice and gulai lemak salmon. To make things more interesting, I even missed sahur and was running around the ward the next day totally not hungry.

It's wonderful how in a span of one month, I was brought to face my limits, and realise that I can break through the ceiling and advance beyond those. It sure has been one great ride and I am glad I took on this journey.

Renungan

I know that woman has to cover up and all but we already lost the aim if the man doesn't lower their gaze.
Like seriously, since I have been here, I get it more why doing both things are important.
And I just have the idea to wear a fake wedding ring.
It's that bad.
Covering up has somehow preventing you from being harassed (yes, it's such a strong word I know) but still is not suffice to prevent man from craptalking to you.

Most Memorable 1st Ramadhan

Today is a milestone in my celebration of 1st Ramadhan.
Instead of having sahur with family/friends, I had a bowl of bihun sup, while skyping with my mom.
Having to be doing something all day, I don't feel hungry or thirsty at all. Maybe it's partly due to the weather.

I am so happy when Aida asked to go to Tarawikh on Saturday evening. I mean, I am not tarawikh person but if I have friends, why not?
And most interesting of all, I was in the scrub inside operation room from before iftar until shortly before subuh. For the first time, I watched and is so lucky o have the chance to assist a heart thumping operation. Yes people, we rarely get tense moment like what they show on medical dramas.

And I excuse myself in the afternoon to go to the Oriental supermarket here. The air was festive, they stock on lotsa vegetables and poultry. If I am to visit around this time before, the fresh goods aint as abundant. Eventhough it's aint as seductive as Malaysian bazar Ramadhan, I had hard time to resit buying baklava.

Thank you Allah.

Orang Buta

Saya pernah ada seorang datuk. Saya memanggilnya Tok Appa. Tok Appa yang saya kenal ialah seorang yang buta. Masa kami suntuk. Diisi dengan nasihat dan cerita zaman Jepun.

Di Prague tempoh hari, ada seorang perempuan buta di Tesco MyNarodni. Tempat itu penuh padat dengan sardin. Perempuan buta itu memanggil-manggil pertolongan dengan suara berdesibel rendah, namun masih boleh didengari. Seorang pejalan kaki mendengar permintaan perempuan buta itu lalu menghulurkan tangan meringankan beban. Hati saya tersentuh. Dua orang yang langsung tidak mengenali, tangan mereka bertaut rapat merentasi jalan yang agak sibuk. Untungnya perempuan buta itu, dirinya menjadi sumber manusia untuk mengaut pahala. Bukan senang meminta bantuan orang lain sebab belum tentu orang akan ikhlas membantu. Untungnya orang yang memimpin perempuan buta itu kerana dia ada 2 bola mata yang berfungsi, yang dapat digunakan bukan sahaja untuk kebaikan diri sendiri malah dapat menolong yang lain. Untungnya 2 orang ini, dapat memberi contoh yang baik untuk yang lain. Semoga mereka dipimpin terus masuk syurga. Tidak lupa kepada watak sampingan yang bersidai di sisi kedai lorong Narodni Trida yang terus mengalih posisi bila mendengar libasan tongkat di batu jalan.

Kini saya di Freiburg, bandar mesra alam. Kalau di Czech, nisbah anjing bersaiz serigala kepada anjing bersaiz mini ialah 1:20, di sini nisbahnya ialah 10:1. Disebabkan saya telah membeli tiket bulanan yang berharga hampir 50 Euro, saya suka hati perut menggunakan pengangkutan awam seboleh mungkin. Hari itu di atas tram, saya berjumpa seekor anjing bersaiz serigala. Damai, mata kuyu, merehatkan kepala di atas dua kaki hadapannya. Sejuk hati tengok anjing tu. Tengah mengusha anjing itu, saya baru terperasan yang anjing itu sakit sebab dia ada "neck and shoulder braces". Usha lagi dahsyat, baru perasan simbol yang tertera. Oh, anjing yang khas dilatih untuk orang buta. Pandang perempuan bersama anjing itu. Oh, dia buta. Muka dia pandang terus ke depan, berpakaian kemas. Sampai di hentian Hauptbanhof, perempuan itu menarik tali anjing berkenaan dan meraba kepada palang braces. Anjing itu bangun menjalankan tugas, memimpin perjalanan perempuan itu. Semasa kecil, anjing bagi saya ialah bontot terkeluar, suka hambat orang dan kurap. Bila di universiti saya fikir beberapa spesies anjing adalah comel. Sekarang saya fikir, anjing itu hanya najis pada air liur dia. Dan bila pertama kali jumpa anjing untuk orang buta, rasa macam kena sepak pun ada. Tiba-tiba terus teringat kisah haiwan di atas bahtera nabi Nuh dan anjing ashabul kahfi yang dijanjikan syurga.

Terima kasih Allah ciptakan orang buta, orang sempurna pancaindera dan anjing.

Raw Honesty

People who know me know that I am pretty much straightforward to the point of cruelty. But I guess they gonna change the term cruelty once they deal with the Germans.

I guess I am a straigthforward person but Germans prove me wrong. If they have problem with you, they will take it out in your face, no feeling spared. If you think my words hit you like a truck or bullet, believe me, Germans' are like torpedo. If you luckily survive my honesty, you'll not survive German's.

Yesterday after morning meeting I asked the doctor if I can go and watch surgery and she gave me her green light so I went straight into operation room after getting the permission. I came back 4-5 hours later and excitedly told my fellow intern how interesting the surgery was. What follows is totally unexpected. I was practically speechless, which is a rare sight. He straightforward told me that 

~I should do the blood taking with him

~there's a lot of patient and he is going around doing everything, blood taking and ECG by himself and he still haven't finished things

~if my name is on the operation schedule, it's alright to go straight to OT but if not, I should do the work first

~he also wants to watch the surgery but because I left him with all the works..

he kept telling me those in the span of 5 minutes and he really made sure that I get it that I am totally at fault and he is pissed off. In one tone. 

And to clarify things

~on Friday, I, who only started taking patient blood independently since Tuesday did all the blood takings except for 1-2 difficult patients and did all the ECGs

~on Monday, which is the day of the event, a new intern came. And when I was finishing the blood taking, she was doing cannulation on one patient that's in our ward. Question? Why didn't she help him?

Conclusion, it was partially my fault and I was not onsiderate. Come to think of it, I didn't even think about it.

And let us look at what happened today

Yours truly name came up to scrub in for surgery. It's written in the operation schedule. And I believe no other German has a set of name like mine. So, I went to fetch the compression sock because I don't want to make a scene in the OT and change. I walked into the new intern and second surgeon as I enter the scrub room and said hi. No conversation ensued and I proceed to scrub in as they went into OR. The head surgeon came into the scrub room and spoke German to me. I can make out "Which operation are you in?". He actually caught up that there are 2 interns. I entered the OT and found out the intern is already in the surgical gown and was told by the second surgeon that it's not possible to have 4 people and I can watch from the anesthesiology side if I want. I was totally upset and flaming but logic win when you don't want it to. Logic is the intern is already gowned and it's not appropriate to kick her aside. But thinking back, it's not logic, it's just manners. I went to the anesthesio side and took my time to gain my composure. When I knew that there's no way I can be in the OT without seething at those 2, I went back into the scrub room and telling the head surgeon about the situation and how it's better to help my fellow intern to do blood takings and stuff. He told me that I have to discussed things but my head is telling me that it's not appropriate to kick someone who already scrub in so I say I'd just go.

Things went downhill from that point on. I had difficulty taking blood from 2 patients. Don't even get to see cannulation so that I can do it on my own afterwards. All the patients who needed blood taking and ECG are  somewhere else but in the ward. Doctors are busy with their stuff to mind me. Can't access the internet. Can't even see the operation schedule. And in the middle of taking blood together, a call for intern to help in OT came and my fellow intern just decided that he's going because he didn't get to see operation yesterday~. To think that I was being partially considerate of him when I decided to leave the OT earlier on. So I ended up with holy Quran, from which I extracted few Arabic words to learn and found few verses which I really like. Especially th one about Yahya bin Zakaria, who's whole life was blessed and was a cherished servant of Allah. I then went back and forth until 2pm, by which I can't take it anymore since no doctor is around. I went to the nurse and inform her that I'm going home. 

My day today.

To make up for crappy day, I met with the girls and comb part of the old town. You should know how happy I am shopping for mascara with Emina. Since my make up knowledge is abysmal, Emina taught me how to apply mascara and how to look for a full mascara tube. We came out of the store, both sporting thicker and longer lashes. Emina also told me that I should just wrestle my spot if someon take it, reminding me about the German attitude. That is if they have issue with you they'll say it in your face and you should also do the same. So now I am considering to see the intern, tell her that she took my spot and I expect her to pay that back with her spot. German or Malaysian way?That will remain to be seen.

Twins

I sometime get jaelous of my mom. Because she has a sister and I'm always envious of sisters relationship. Even so,Allah bestows me with 2 brothers who love me unconditionally to make up for the sister that I don't have.

Strangers and kids have problem to differ my mom and her sister. Both of them posses mole of the similar size on the same location on the left side of their cheek.

When we were small, my brother who was then very antisocial (always wanting my mum to be near) came into the kitchen and grab my aunt's kaftan caliing out "mak". The shock expression of my adorable brother and how my aunt responded are still fresh in my mind.

I love them all. My family. For the first time in the span of more than 10 years long, I am finally thinking to settle down in the company of the people who love me the most in the world. =)

Jantung

I was very happy when the surgeon asked if I want to help (read:scrub in)
I happily agreed eventhough I know my condition doesn't permit me to assist totally.
Glad I took the chance anyway.
Got to pull gently on the aorta when the surgeon is suturing the superior vena cava for cardio-pulmonary bypass.
The feeling is really amazing. I can feel every gush of blood from the beating heart running through the aorta. The slippery aorta agaisnt my gloved fingers.
And even more amazing when I hold the beating heart. I mean, it's a freaking beating human heart. So, that is what it feels to hold someone heart. I have to pull it gently towards me and can't put too much pressure on it.
I pressed quite hard and the surgeon corrected me. The heart, if i have to compare, is like a filledballon, a beating balloon. I finally experienced the concern to hold a beating human heart, to not put too much pressure on it, to pull it close to you so that it won't get hurt and most of all, to be really cautious as to not crush the heart. Ah, only if I can take care of human feeling like I do on the beating heart. It's really a feat to take care of the thing that's out of reach from all five senses.

The Reality

My day at the department starts as early as 730 am but I made sure that I came at least 10 minutes earlier.
It starts with meeting conducted fully in German. It's really German to me (read: I understand nothing). You will only know the feeling of being the only one in the meeting room not understanding what people are talking about if you are standing in my shoes. You feel totally left out and like and idiot. So, to make things better, I read the cases presented (which I later print out and ask Xavier/google translator/GermanWikipedia to translate what I don't understand) and turn my head towards anyone that's speaking in the room.

I then proceed to follow the doctor doing round, which usually takes 2 hours or so. Since Xavier came, I feel quite relieve because he's nice enough to translate for me. Done with ward round, we do blood taking. I still need someone to come with me because my skill has just started since a week ago and here, they put the patient name as invisible as possible on the bedrail.

If I have to/want to go to surgery, I'll dash for the compression sock, then to the filter room before going into the operation theather. I am practically the only intern, so I pester anyone I want in the OR. The anesthesiologist to explain me about the drugs they use and the radiologist. I usually will stand on the stool on anesthesist's site to see, ahem, surgeons' hand and instruments most of the time. If I'm brave enough I'll just shoot questions. The source of bravery?
1. no question is a stupid question.only stupid answer.
2. at least I know nobody is gonna label me Yahudi

Usually I'll go get quick lunch around noon and check out the board in the doctor's room. Sometime surgery ended beyond 1pm. On the board is written things that intern can do
1. ECG. basically you wheel in the machine into the room, stick on the ECG stickers, connect them to the electrode that goes like traffic light (black on R foot, red on R hand, yellow on L hand, green on L foot and the other chest electrodes), get the reading recorded on the 3 pieces of paper, disattach everything, get out and stick patient identifying sticker on the ECG. Since my ECG analysis is mediocre, I keep my analysis result to myself.
2. Cannulation.We also can do cannulation, which I have never tried on patient. The female doctor was nice anough to be the guinea pig when I was practising it, which I failed to cannulate eventually =(

And then the kingdom of boredom takes over. The doctors are either in the room engaged in administration works or nowhere to be seen. Even if I tried to find something to do, always there's nothing to do. So I resorted to deplete the suture stock by practising suturing or look up medically related things that I don't know.

Actually all of the staff are very nice. It just that I am still keeping my guard up, because I'm still attached to the strata observed back home and in Czech Republic. I forgot now and then to say please, greet, and say thank you. So you can say I am always on my toes, unsure and worry most of the time if I piss anyone. I guess this is out of comfort zone. Into my second week I've found my way, more or less. I print out the cases and study it, I try to to do something helpful to both me and the staff, asks more question, learn bits of German and pore on my surgical handbook, which I've never done before.

Today is a bit different. I got to scrub in. Their way is a tad bit different from Czech
"Ok, so Olive, have you ever scrubbed in before?" (kyaaa, he remember my name, my full given name. I'll be dead if he found out I dont even know his name)
"Wash your hands up to the elbow and pat it dry"
"Take the sterile sanitizer and slid it all over you forearm""
"No you head is too close to the sink"
"Yes you are doing good"
"don't keep you arms too high"
"no that's too low"
"Now up to the midforearm, 1 minute"
"The hand, take as much as you want, go through the sides of your fingers, the nails, like this"

I got to really assist the surgery. And seeing and feeling a bare thumping heart surely is fascinating. Even so when the surgeon is nice enough to explain and correct what's wrong and answer my questions. Both wrongs and rights are addressed so I don't feel lost. Holding the needle need a hang of it. I got few "this is not helpful" before I finally got "yes, this is good". I get to cut the suture and help to put the chest  drainage tubes. When closing the sternum, I was taught and made to clamp the wire and turn it around and suck the blood on the side where the surgeon is double fortifying and also to cut off the wire, which is quite tricky because the last time I twiddle with plier was 8 years ago in KH project. And the doctor showed me how to suture subcutaneously and watched if my first suture is right or not. Hold the scalpel like you are holding the pen otherwise medical pros know you are pathologist in an OR. As I struggle with reattaching the needle the comfortable way in the needle holder, he said exactly what I feel ~ everything is in your way, it's bleeding too much etc. He capped it off with saying that he hopes it was helpful for me. Obviously it was helpful. The most I got to do before is holding a laparoscope!

I hope things get better and better and I can be someone useful in the department.

From Their Side

Alhamdulillah, I've been reminded and told about things by the people I meet here. New knowledge is precious but I found out finding more about what I believe is even more rewarding.

For one, I always know that I want to visit Makkah and Madinah. But Chris is telling me about the security system built in Makkah and he really knows more than I do about that holy city. Then I watched a documentary about it in Youtube. Watching the real deal about Hajj, in addition to the must-do things in Haj, I learned how hectic it was, how demanding which brings me to finally realise that one of my priorities of priorities is sending my parents to Hajj as soon as I could afford to, because one important thing to consider is health. Because not only people from your country is going to Hajj, but million others do in a span of 1-2 weeks and the most important days are concentrated into less than a week. It impress me how a conversation with someone who totally have different belief from me brings me to this.

And then there are these Muslims friend of mine who unfortunately, don't have the privilege to know  Arabic abjad. From where they come from, people mostly doesn't respect the religion anymore and Muslims are eating pork and stuff. It flutters my heart when Mina says "ah look, they even have prophet Isa here" pointing at the glass window showcasing the figures, one of them is baby in a cot. My heart beamed when Mina and Ida said that they want to learn the Arabic abjad. And this evening while we were chilling by the river, they want to know about the 99 names of Allah because they don't remember it. I shall send them asma ul husna, may Allah ease their intention inshaallah. Then Mina asked about the names of the angels on each side of our shoulders that record our deeds, and surprise, I don't remember it. I have an inkling about their names ending in -tib.

For these I thank Allah for sending me them so that I am reminded of things that I forget and learn new things about my religion. =)

Pictures at an Exhibition

Music people should have an inkling about the title. It's composed by Muggorsky who went nuts. I went to the orchestra today and didn't fall asleep. I even recognize the sound of different instruments eventhough the last time I see orchestra is 6 years back. I think I heard some glitches. Maybe it's auditory hallucination. Maybe.

Anyway, let's not talk about the orchestra. It happens that I went through the pictures at an exhibition in real life. Exhibition by God. The one that stretches 1 hour before and during the orchestra. I walked through countless of people but the ones that left an impression were the kids below the flyover, just next to the concert hall, which is having decent people dressed nicely for the orchestra this evening.
The kids were sporting interesting hairdos ~ rooster's comb, skinny head etc. They were sitting there, lost in their on world. 2 metres away, against the wall, a couple were making out you could see clearly where and what the guy's hand is doing. I can't help but to have opinion about it. It's such a sad and empty feeling.Like how can people deteriorate to such extent. What really is their purpose of life?

As I sat and listens to the music, I mentally time travelled backward and back to the present time. Particularly about art/music people. I admire their passion and determination about what they ar doing. They are so involved with it. I wish I could have that sort of attachment to my supposedly way of life. I feel sorry for all of us in the hall. Also because of how people make time to listen to it. It's something that perplexes me. I guess if people can sit for hours and listen to something that's quite hard to decipher, it sure is possible to spend hours to listen to fellow human being.

Oh well, it not a really nice real exhibition I must say but sure it does play it role well. There's no other way I could reflect on such particular matter.

Patrotisme

I guess I am a patriotic person. Depends on how you define patriotic then.
I guess the most patriotic people is Norwegian. They print their flag everywhere but Jasmine thinks it's because Norwegian flag, especially the colour combination is the reason.
And then I've come across UK Indians that is patriotic.

Germany has the most interesting bits about patriotisme.
Bavarians consider themselves somewhat partially autonomus. They celebrate being Bavarian more than being a German.
Germany has 2 Red Cross Societies ~ Germany Red Cross and Bavarian Red Cross.
Given the history before the fall of Berlin Wall, the West part was known as GDR~German Democratic Republic.
Jasmin told me that people is not taught patriotism here. The only time you'll see Germany Patriotism is during big football happenings like EURO.
They don't flash their flag everywhere, only certain institution put the flag. Flashing flags can mean that you are pro Nazi.
Even more than that, they ditch the first 2 stanzas of their national anthem.

Bunga Melur

Today started with running lost in the apartment building. I was quite troubled because I know the meeting starts at 730am and I found my way out of the building at 720 am. I know the destination is just 5 minutes away and I also know that I can get lost again in the surgery department and I have to change. So I made a not so grand entrance into the meeting. The doctors were discussing in German and my German fluency is just guten tag, bitte, tschuss, danke schon. So I read the presentation that has many familiar words.

In the operation room is a 3 months old baby girl on the table for repair of VSD. Got the anesthesiologist explaining to me the drugs she gave to the baby. Saw the operation and the 1st assistant is kind enough to explained bit of this and that. Learnt nearly the hard way to keep my hand sticked onto my body. Saw the extracorporeal circulation. Saw the transesophageal echocardiography and guessed it right that there's tiny shunt. Helped push the baby into the recovery ICU. The ICU is maybe a bit over the top about locking. The lift and even the toilet is locked. In the OR there's this one of the many machine with a label on the wall behind it ~ this machine has no brain, use your own.

Met Jasmin, the bubbly 6th year. They have 4 exams, 2 of which they can choose the subject(applied only in Freiburg). She's going for Neurology and Anesthesiology but said she's thinking of specialising into neurology because anesthesiology means "Hi" and shortly after, "good night". Had lunch with my doctor and Jasmin. Talked about the weather, the Turkish supermarket in the city, the prospect of working as a doctor in Swiss, the animals especially the birds etc.

I was hanging around trying to get someone to give me job. It was quite sometime until Jasmin offered to supervise me in blood taking.
Things you need is
1. needles bin
2. tourniquet
3. sterilizer
4. swab
5. needle (butterfly for tricky vein)
6. syringe
7. tape
Prick faster and deeper because the part that hurt is when the needle is in the cutaneous layer.

Jasmin also translates the ECG with me and teaching me the tricks to it. I am ever so grateful.
Too bad I have to leave earlier else I can practise the blood taking on my guinea pig, Jasmin.
Through Jasmin, I remind my self about 2 types of edema, ptting edema in DVT and non pitting in lymphedema. Also how to be a good listener to the patient.

Done with hospital, I went through the campus and man, their Mensa. Oh their Mensa. It's like a restaurant in the zoo. With 80% see through glass, a big stream running next to it and shadowed by trees. Totally stole my heart.

Went to Old Town. Lotsa people there. Sport quite a number of foreigners and hijabis. Discover Migros and was going back and forth on the frozen seafood section. Was totally spoilt for choice (The effect of living in Hradec Kralove). Meet Jaime fo the first time. She's from the US and is on the research exchange. Think it's about colon cancer. Had Nordsee together and talk about things.

Took a super long way to get back to my place. Luckily I sported the hospital's stargate.

The History of Croissant

"I like croissant", I told Chris and Iva as we were sitting down for breakfast.
Chris was having cereal with milk and a half bowl of coffee.
Iva's with her muesli mixed with yogurt and a half bowl of tea.
And me having croissant, cream cheese with chives and a glass of apple juice.

"Where do you think croissant comes from?" asked Chris.
Obviously my answer is France. Hear the pronounciation~keghe-oa-zont
According to Chris, and he's not joking either, croissant originates from Austria.
Austrian bakers invented it to celebrate the defeat of Ottoman.
The catch is the shape of croissant, crescent moon, which is a symbol on the Ottoman flag.

I know a bit about the defeat.
I hold my own opinion about it.
Battle of Tours is somehow the important key.
Winning the battle means the essential road to spread the belief to European people.
But Ottoman lost the key and the spread of the belief stops there, temporarily.

Croissant role in my life will never be the same again. It will from now own be a good reminder to me.

Guess Where

I'm typing this in a room full of wonder. It's definitely my type of room.
There's this big map of the world mounted on the wall. a big desk with roomy space below for me to roll right and left on the swivelling chair. Black forest is a look away, with the giants modern windmill rotating.
And all these (well, almost all except few things in the room) are mine. For one whole month.
After a walk through the hospital and around the lakepark, I'm making a mental plan on my head. Should I take a year break, learn German and applied to continue my study here.

Line or Cycle?

I look back on my days, from how carefree of a kid I am, to an eager kindergartener, to a naughty kid and then growing up and getting over my fears in high school up to the 3 months as wirawati in National Service. Those were the best of times in my life, mainly because I know what to expect. I loves waking up everyday.

Still you realise that doing the same thing won't make you happy either. You have to keep moving.
And this evening, I realise there's no such thing as life cycle in human life. There's only one line, one non linear line. You can go up and down but never found yourself cycling.

Limits and Restrictions

Having been in and out of the hospitals and dealed with cadavers in my first year, I have picked up some things that I tend to overlook. Dealing with lifeless bodies and sick people means tighter privacy.

You shall never use real name. especially your patient name.

Photos of full bodied cadavers/preserved fetus/full limb/living patient shall be kept to yourself. means that they are off limit from Facebook, blog, Instagram, Flickr or whatever public sharing that exist.

Photos of the suspiciously pathologic tissue from patient/cadaver, on the other hand is within limit.

If discussing about mortality, do it outside of patient hearing range, eventhough you are speaking language unintelligible to them, even if the patient is comatose. Because honestly, I think you'll feel extremely horrible  if you are on the bed and some people in the same room are talking about how your days are numbered and how the only thing they can do is to make your demise comfortable.

And at the end of the day, you would want to save yourself. Even knocking a chess piece is harder than sueing the doctor nowadays.

Honeymoon Year

In high school, it's the best year. Reasons being
*elegant classroom : air conditioned, tinted windows, tiled floor, no need to decorate the class
*bonding time with friends. got coolest of classmates. doesn't matter anymore if people think we are the geek collection of our batch and avoid going into our class.
*interesting subjects.although 90% of the time chemistry is as hard as it can be and studying physics is almost like doing astrophysics.

Gambaq diambil dari Fb Ridzuan.

In medical school, at least here, honeymoon year is a year filled with clinical subjects. you can say it's an introduction to specialisations in medicine. It's the most boring year ever I don't enjoy the ride at all. I was even thinking how foolish it is to fall into the trap of being able to study overseas. I mean, I could study my favourite course eventhough it means only schooling in Malaysia and graduated by now and fly anywhere I want jobwise and travelwise (the jobs offered are highly paid one). Well, I reckon 5th year would bring back my passion and confidence in doing Medicine. These are what I can conclude from my honeymoon year in medical school




Radiology and Nuclear Medicine : my absolute favourite. I love sunshine and being surrounded by people while  this specialty involves individual job and dark room. Here's the catch ~ I am excellent at finding faults and people, that is what you need in this specialty.

Dentisry : Learned how to brush teeth at 22nd year-old, so many years after the first course on how to brush your teeth in elementary. Gotta say elementary's is the best ~ got misi yang penyayang and giant dental arch + toothbrush. Realised that it's a good choice that I don't do stomatology. I prefer twiddling and cutting anywhere on human body except for the mouth area.

Neurology : what you hear isn't necessarily right but what you see, they are most probably right than wrong. Same principle applied for sthetoscope and neurological hammer. The cases in neurology mostly are fascinating. Diagnosis most of the time is spot on. Your patient will either be going downhill, stay the same or get better. But most of the time, the latter is not the case. Neurology is somewhat interesting but I feel indifferent towards it.

Internal Medicine : solving the puzzle. plenty of everything except for free time. loves it.

Surgery : procedures and more procedures. Realising that I suffered from serangan sotong a.k.a orthostatic intolerance, I know the ambition to be a surgeon is as clear as the ambition to be a pilot when you are near sighted.

Anesthesiology and Resuscitative Medicine : Pharmacology + procedures. Gassing people, poking people with needles and tubes. Get to be in surgery while not worrying about ploping down from the warmth and long time standing. I was born to love it

Emergency Medicine : anything can walk in through that door. in terms of illness and also people from all walks of life. Shortlisted as my top 3 but demoted after I realise how gory the scene can be back home. Orang kena parang, cangkul terbenam dalam kepala.

Sports Medicine : made me realise how much weight I have put on and how unfit I've become. Instead of motivating me to specialised in this, it motivates me to be fit and get back into shape.

Dermatology : everything looks the same. they even have complex about naming. you can't say it's erythema because it's too general but you can name a single disease with 3 names.

So that pretty sums up my conclusion of 4th year.

PLKN : Punishments

Dumping 300 something, 18 years olds on a hill for 3 months straight means rules broken, hormones flying around and misdeeds. So punishments are set to restore the order. Whether they serve their purpose or not, it's another topic for another time.

People broke the rule as early as the dawn cracks and even before they wake up. Day starts at 5 am in my camp and every Muslim trainee is to be at the surau for Subuh. You can find those who don't under their blanket, on their bed together with the mosquito net still attached, on the tarmac between surau and accommodation blocks. The trainers went extra miles to drag anyone who's still sleeping together with their bed out. As the time passed, the method turned out futile. So Plan B is to dip those wrongdoers in the pond. Must have been really cold. Usually they are let to stay there, life jacket on, supervisor on the side until the first company go downhill for breakfast. That usually is at 7-715 am. I saw them with my own eyes from the drilling hill, heads bobbing, down there in the pond.

I got punished as well. One is for leaving out ONE freaking piece of t-shirt more than a day on the clothes line. Had to do PT10 5 times. PT10 is starjump, for those who don't know. One evening, my friends and I were late for games roll call by 1 minute and this one particular female trainer from Bravo made a big deal about it (I have always dislike her, for reasons). As we were preparing to run down the hill for the punishment that calls for running up and down the hill no less than 3 cycles, a group of girls from Bravo emerged from the girls accom. gate. They were late by 7 minutes and we were saved.

You know this thing about certain girl skipping the prayer under the pretense that their Nippon flag is up. If you know, you should also know that they are not smart people. If you are smart, there should be no suspicion, and the others wouldn't have to bear insulting treatment as well. Anyway, we didn't get maltreated because of these dumb people. We are close to but we escaped with all the Muslim girls starjumping together in their telekung under the clear starry nightsky. Nowhere would you see such thing except for in PLKN.

Every company has their own flag, cheers and second name. Only the former is physical, thus we have to really take care of it. Means to say it has to always be with somebody, even during holiday. All 4 companies were so excited on our first holiday that we totally forgot the flag. For my company, it was the boys' turn to take care of the flag. They put it at. the. corner.of.the.dorm. Basically, they put it where they live in camp. You would think that under the roof and within the walls that you live in is the safest place to put the flag. Not the case in PLKN though. We returned to see all four flags waving side by side at the top of the tallest peak in our camp, the helipad hill.

Talking about helipad, boys who were caught with cigarette have to run from the office up to the helipad and return down. With a catch of course. They have to do it with 2 cigarettes sticking out from their nostrils.
In my camp, even wearing the cap with the front in other direction calls for punishment. My girls and I were instructed to walk in the direction where the front sticking out. Some walked reversedly, some obliquely. To make it more meaningful, we were caught and punished in the middle of mess hall.

I guess I was OK during camp. Explains why I am running out of the idea of which other punishment were done in camp. I know the boys, all of them got into big trouble after some boys stole a box of tangerine from the vice commandant's Mercz. It was afternoon, right after we returned from our Ekspedisi Wira Jaya. They might have been asked to do knuckle body pumping on the hot tarmac, maybe less, maybe more. And my company did the knuckle body pumping thing at 3 pm, on the sizzling hot tarmac for fun practise, so I know how 'nice' it is.

The Life of Taugeh

When I hit puberty, I grow vertically and out of all my clothes. I tried to hide my ankle and pulled on my shirt for few months before I went to my parents and tell them I desperately need to makeover my wardrobe. And then, everybody started to notice that you are head and shoulders above the average person.

People started telling me that I should be a model and in Form 3 (I mean, with my face?), my girlfriends took turn to walk next to me. Reason being, they are practising to walk next to their boyfriend/ future boyfriend. I am really glad to be of help when reaching for tall places or deep pool. My friends were all petite and sometime I just feel stupid towering over them. If you have to arrange for sitting or standing spot, you'll either get the best spot or the suckest one. Usually, it's the latter one. Thing is I am only long legs, my upper half is just average, so imagine that I have to sit at the back for years

You don't stress out when shopping because I have to admit that most things look good on tall girl. People rarely notice if I put on weight, so the situation is rather precarious because you tend to over eat. Sometime, I want to ditch my flat shoes but considering the situation, I always found myself in the same humble flats. People will make you their shield and some will make you think that being tall is a crime. Actually, being tall is not a crime. The people who don't want to sit or walk next to you is just having inferiority complex. You will always be few steps forward and people will always tell you you can walk faster because your leg is long or they would simply say they don't walk next to you because you are too tall.

But then, the pros outweigh the cons. I just hope my man won't be intimidated by my height. Actually, I don't need such man. It's live and let's live. =)

I Am Listening

This presentation is about colorectal carcinoma but I'll talk to you also about anus because I suppose your contact with anus is poor

I laughed out loud. Alone.

DrMilano said "Not contact with your own anus"

-DrMilano 2012-

When we were writing the credit test, which actually take only 5-7 minutes, DrMialno suddenly asked everyone "Have any of you passed the test?"

Everyone was speechless like have we been found out of collecting past year papers? Is he being sarcastic?

But after his 3rd same question, we get it that he wanted to know if we already finished the test. I assure you that he is an excellent doctor though. You can treat the language part as a humor.

Fitrah

Saya rasa setiap manusia tu Allah kurniakan dengan kecenderungan ke arah kebaikan. Kalau dia cenderung kepada perkara yang negatif tu, maknanya syaitan yang konfem masuk neraka tu yang dok bisik kat telinga dia. Syaitan memang konfem masuk neraka, tapi manusia tak. Jadi, tak boleh la kita nak kata kat orang lain, ataupun terlintas dalam hati "hang ni konfem masuk neraka" atau "hang ni kapiaq, nanti mati masuk neraka". Pokoknya, urusan syurga atau neraka tempat akhir seseorang tu, Allah saja yang akan menentukan. Buktinya, hadis keempat dalam koleksi 40 hadis.

" Dari Abu Abdul Rahman, Abdullah bin Mas'ud r.a, katanya Rasulullah SAW telah menceritakan kepada kami, sedangkan baginda seorang yang benar dan dibenarkan kata-katanya, sabdanya : ' Sesungguhnya sesaorang kamu dikumpulkan kejadiannya dalam perut ibunya selama 40 hari berupa setitik air mani, kemudian menjadi segumpal darah selama itu pula, kemudian seketul daging seperti yand demikian itu juga, iaitu 40 hari. Kemudian diutuskan kepadanya malaikat, lalu ditiupkan roh kepadanya dan diperintahkan menulis empat pekara : rezekinya, ajalnya,amalannya, celaka dan bahagianya. Maka demi Allah yang tiada Tuhan selain daripadaNya, sesungguhnya sesaorang kamu itu tetap akan beramal dengan amalan ahli syurga sehinggalah di antaranya dengan syurga itu jaraknya cuma sehasta sahaja. Tiba-tiba dia telah didahului oleh tulisannya ( suratan takdir ) sehingga dia beramal dengan amalan ahli neraka, maka masuklah ia ke dalam neraka. Dan sesungguhnya sesaorang kamu tetap akan beramal dengan amalan ahli neraka sehinggalah di antara dirinya dengan neraka cuma sehasta saja. Tiba-tiba dia telah didahului oleh tulisannya sehingga dia beramal dengan amalan ahli syurga, maka akhirnya masuklah dia ke dalam syurga itu. "

Apa yang saya faham dari penerangan kakak usrah saya ialah hadis ni sebagai motivasi untuk semua orang. Untuk yang dah sedia di jalan yang lurus untuk tidak leka dan terus jalan depan tengok dan untuk pujuk orang yang kat jalan yang salah bahawa dia masih ada peluang untuk berjalan di jalan yang lurus. Tak sapa nak jadi penghalang kepada orang untuk berpegang atau kembali pada tali Allah tapi ramai jugak yang tak sedaq, termasuk orang yang dok taip ni, yang dia jadi penghalang kepada orang-orang ni.

Contoh 1 : Kak Delaila penah cerita ada seorang cikgu kat sekolah dia (Kak Delaila dulu sekolah agama yang elit tu woo) dulu dok pikiaq agama mana dia nak masuk. Last2 dia masuk agama samawi yang bukan agama Islam. Sebab? Sebab kebanyakan orang Islam kat sekolah tu selalu tak punctual. (lari sorok belakang tudung tingkap)

Contoh 2 : Berjalan melihat bumi Eropah di musim panas. Fitnah (orang pakai tak cukup kain) memang kat mana-mana saja. Hati pulak dok istighfar sambil mengutuk. (lari sembunyi bawah meja pulak) Sepatutnya kena rasa kesian kat depa. Depa tak untung macam kita ada nikmat Islam dan iman. Tak rugi pun kalau kita tolong doakan depa supaya dapat hidayah dan jangan lupa pulak doa kat diri sendiri supaya terus kekal dalam hidayah Allah. Kalau dpa tanya tak panaih ka pakai selubung. Habaq kat depa panaih (kalau anda rasa panaih). Kalau tak panaih habaq kata tak panaih. Jangan lupa tambah "but I don't want my skin to be sunburnt/photoaged". Kalau hang pi cakap hang tak mau masuk neraka, itu adalah taktik yang salah sama sekali sebab sapa yang nak masuk neraka habaq mai.

Perkara kedua. Saya adalah annoyed dengan ayat "semua ni dunia saja". Lama dah tak dengaq ayat ni sebenarnya, tapi saya ada terbaca seorang insan mengajak orang ke kelas mengaji al-Quran. Memandangkan semua orang tahu ini ialah musim berchinta dengan buku bagi pelajar di fakulti saya, dia mengatakan dia juga punya 2 ujian kredit yang besar dalam satu hari dan mari menghadapinya, buku-buku medik itu tak akan membantu kamu di akhirat. Senang kata, justifikasi orang ini ialah penerangan kepada ayat "semua ni dunia saja" pada saya. Sesungguhnya pandangan saya adalah sangat berbeza sama sekali. Siapa kata buku-buku medik tak akan membantu kamu di akhirat? Canon of Medicine yang ditulis Ibnu Sina telah menjadi wadah yang sangat penting dalam perkembangan pesat ilmu perubatan yang boleh menyelamatkan banyak nyawa yang sebelumnya adalah mustahil untuk dilakukan. Tidak lupa juga kepada penemuan pulmonary circulation dari Ibnu Nafis. Saya yakin amal baik tak ada satu pun akan Allah terlepas pandang. Lagi pun ayat pertama yang diturunkan kepada Rasulallah SAW ialah bacalah!. Mngkin kita boleh sama-sama fikir pasal apa yang senior saya tulis "dunia ladang akhirat..bercucuk tanam di dunia, tuai hasilnya di akhirat" Tapi orang-orang yang dok baca buku, ada jugak point insan berkenaan yang saya setuju. Kalau niat kita baik inshaallah Allah cukupkan masa untuk kita.

Sekian sahaja pandangan saya pada hari ini. Kalau salah tolong nasihat. Saya kan manusia yang punya kecenderungan kepada perkara yang baik.

Surgery Block

Take 1
Student : Dr. what are we supposed to study for the credit test?
Dr. : Upper GI *and somemore things about upper GI*. He is very good at bla bla bla. Cholecystectomy bla bla bla.
Student : *I'm asking about what to study for credit test not what my doctor for today is good at*

Take 2
Dr (in scrub and mask on face) : who's your teacher?
Student 1 : I don't know. DrMilano said we can choose to go to either of 3 surgeries and someone is going to pick us up.
Dr : I asked who is your teacher
Student 1 and 2 : We don't know

Student 3 just came out of the filter room in about 0.000003 second
Dr : Who's your teacher? *like a bullet*
Student 3 : *startled and speechless*
Dr : Do you understand English?
Student 1 : *do we look like Czechs?*

Take 3
MissQuestion : So do you ask him what we should study for the credit?
MrCaffeine : He said there will be questions from general surgery, traumatology, vascular surgery
MissQuestion not listening anymore
MissQuestion : Why don't he say everything?
MrCaffeine : Oh yeah, he said there will be 8 questions from general surgery *cont with the statistic*

Obviously we should study everything. If you take a look at BASIC Surgery book withou even opening it, you'll understand what I mean.

Medical Training

I scrubbed in for the first time yesterday. It was a laparoscopic cholecystectomy and my task is to hold the laparoscopy. Just that but then it means standing static behind the surgeon and make sure the camera is focusing on the other 2 laparoscopic instruments inside the abdomen, which only means me turning into squid for the umpteenth time. I am now annoyed with orthostatic intolerance, now that I am done with marching stuff, who needs orthostatic intolerance anymore?definitely not when u are given the rare chance to scrub in but oh well. I got to see everything clearly and for the first time, I caught everything explained by the surgeon.

There's a particular patient today. A very old woman, barely holding to her life after her aortic aneurysm ruptured. The doctor explained everything from the mechanical ventilation, to the dialysis with lines from subclavian vein, to the ABG. Basically almost everything. When we came to the part DNR, I began reasoning. I mean, she is super old and then boom! aortic aneurysm rupture = death door. But they dragged her away from that but she never wake up again eversince. With my shallow thinking, I think what's the point of keeping her, because I think to live to such an age, most people would be happy to just go peacefully without having to deal with tubes in and out of your orifices and man made orifices just to buy a lil bit more time. Most people, me included, will think it's best to let her go. But then as I was stepping out of the room, looking at my notes and racing all the informations we just learnt about, it got to me. The patient, although is comatose and is on DNR order, still serve her function. Excellently. I have to admit that she is useful. Because she's like that, I got to learn precious knowledge. It's really humbling. Thinking that a comatose patient can still provide something in such a state, there's no reason why we the healthy living one can't be as useful.

I know I can't remember the names of all the patients that I have ever meet, all the patients that are willing to let me see and touch them, all the patients that bear with my lousy history taking. But I shall always be grateful for them. =)

Maggi

I guess people have the same idea how to cook the instant noodle we Malaysian fondly call Maggi.
It takes 2 minutes the quickest and usually you get it done in 5 minutes.
Still, it feels good when someone else is making it for you. Talk about human desire to be pampered.

Anyway, when we move back to a Friday night in Olomouc, when getting together calls for midnight snack, the 3 packets of Maggi came into picture. Chiqieb went to make Maggi the usual style ~ boiling water, the noodle and the flavorings in one go and came back to chatting with the girls. Someone realised that it has gone over 6 minutes or so and asked Chiqieb about the Maggi. To Chiqieb, 1 Maggi is done in 5 minutes, so 3 Maggis cooked together would take 15 minutes!

Moving to present time, Hasnijo had 2 packets of Maggi and an egg, for both of us. I was doing my once in a blue moon dusting and rearranging. I came into the kitchen when Hasnijo was pouring the Maggi into the bowls. The dish looked like what chicken flavoured Maggi should look like, except that I know that Hasnijo is supposed to make curry flavoured Maggi. Hasnijo way of making Maggi is to pour the flavors on cooked Maggi and mix everything afterwards. Gotta say that the flavor is better blended in Hasnijo's way.

The Sister You Never Have

I guess the feeling of being a younger sibling is good.
You have someone whose steps you can follow and someone who can tell you this is right and this is wrong in a different manners.

This is a thank you from me.
For letting on your secrets to me and being someone who I can tell my stories to.
For making me breakfasts and bringing me to good places to eat.
For sugar loading me with dessert and coffee and smoothies.
For correcting me when I make mistakes.
For advising me when I am feeling down.
For coaching me to be neater in dressing and decorating.
And most of all, thank you for being there.
Walking back, I realised that the clock is ticking and our time is running out.
I look forward to wonderful remaining time, and to more examplesI can follow lead.
=)

On Being A Penangite

I was bloghopping when I came across an observation made by a foreign blogger on Penangites, the islanders to be exact.Now after that I read it, I realised how Penangites are different from the rest of the Malaysians. In many ways. And in a good light.

My most fav place on the earth

We are not colour blind. Rather we celebrate colours. I think that's what you get when you crammed in a super diverse population on an island half the size of Singapore. Hang Melayu, hang Cina and hang Hindu are not offences. It is what we are and we are proud of that. So when I was provocatively questioned why my parents voted for opposition by a BTN facilitator, I was speechless. First, I have no interest in which party my parents casted their votes on. Second, I've been taught that undi itu rahsia so I have no idea who my parents voted for. Third, because I am a Penangite and in our dictionary, racism doesn't exist. We hold true to the phrase live and let's live. The Chinese eat pork, everybody knows that. Hindu lempaq nyoq ~ why, it's Thaipusam. Melayu pi sembelih lembu because it's Eid-ul Adha.

Thaipusam's coconut smashing. Image from here

Every now and then we sigh about our some of our differences but we know the limit and respect it. Like, we all respectively make noises. The azan blares 5 times a day, the Hindus ring their bells and the Chineses lit up fire crackers, bring in deafening feisty lion dance and stage opera once in a while. I was taught to see the diversity in a good light. Once, there were only me and my cousins on the bench watching the Chinese opera although we understand nothing of what the singers sang. In the Indian guesthouse, as a kid, I always examine the details of elephants pictures on the walls and asking why that one has so many hands.

Opera Cina. Bring back memories =)

Although our tables are set differently, I play and bicker with my Chinese and Indian friends all the same like I bicker with my fellow Malays. I always asked Prem to go jump from the building when I am tired with his teasing. and I had a fair share of friend-no friend phase with May Ching. And we laughed at the new student, Saravanan, singing Tamil song in the next door kelas pemulihan. We also went to Preshalni's for Deepvali and the family made sure we had the best visit. What people watch in the Yasmin Ahmad commercials, we experienced it firsthand. =)

See how the naughty girl pulled the same prank on me and Preshalni?

Spot Prem

My mom had mesyuarat tingkap back in the old days with Ah Kui and nowadays mesyuarat balkoni with aunty tingkat 9. My first encounter with Ah Kui wasn't pleasant. I was calling Yang Hoi cangkoi when he came to visit Ah Yong, our then neighbour. And Yang Hoi is none other than Ah Kui's grandson.

The real cangkoi (cangkul)

When I was leaving for my kindergarten concert, I made a stop next to the window where aunty Ah Hoi was in confinement after delivering Wan Han. Ah Hoi was so naughty for a new mom. She sent my 3 year-old cousin running back home crying her eyes out in fear when Ah Hoi purposely pull her hair like a female pontianak, paired with her pilis-ed forehead. I saw her fighted with her husband. She sewed me with her very basic skill a set of ugly but comfy PJs. Ah Kui herself is very productive. She would collect some sort of ribbon from the marketplace and weaved it into baskets. We still kept the one she gave us to this day. She called my mom deghai, her vocab for mulut murai. Once, some people spreaded false story about my mom accusing Ah Hua, Yang Hoi's mom. It was a tough time but they found out some people are just jealous that they are chummy and things were put back together again. When we moved to our new place, they still made it a point to visit every Eid to have nasi tomato.

Rambutannnnnnnn!!!!!! 

In Batu Feringghi, when our Hindu neighbours were playing with sparklers, as a kid, I naturally want to do that too. My granduncle bitched about it but then we found ourselves banging the front of kedai apek to get our supply. My dad has been playing dam haji with his late disabled Chinese friend since they were small. Dad would go extra miles to the care-home just to play dan haji with that friend, and I was dragged along to discover what boring means. Plus, I shall not forget this particular apek that sold the rambutans to my tok nek. On one of the saddest day in my life, my Tok Tam collapsed to his death when walking back home with my two younger brothers who were toddlers at that time. It was anak Tok Marie, a Christian Indian who lives practically next to my Tok Nek's that found my brothers trying to wake Tok Tam up by strawing the spilled teh tarik into Tok Tam's mouth. And she was the one who  called for help.

I guess, when talking about Penangites, I completely forgot about the interracial rife back home. Seeing Malaysia from afar, I was horrified at the tense, but when I focus my binocular solely on my most favourite island on the earth, I only see us Penangites going about our usual daily lives. I have always been proud of my origin as a Penangite and I hope nothing would change that fact. By putting me in Penang, Allah has taught me to think more openly and to respect others' values.

The ferry and KOMTAR (Kompleks Tun Abdul Razak)

To my Penang, the place where diversity is celebrated. To the place where I hold dear. To the place of good food, kedai mamak, Rope walk, Chowrasta, Penang Road. To the place where everything gets done, as long as you ask around for directions. I pray to Allah that we continue to live harmoniously side by side. I don't want to miss my dose of kuih ladu baling ke dinding tak pecah, nor my dose of watching lion dance.

Lion dance

p/s: all pictures are linked back to where I took them from. 1 picture is from my primary school friend's collection. Picture of high schoolers is from my high school friend's collection

pp/s: this post is wrote solely on my account as a Penangite